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Clips from Sanford and Son (1972) - TV or Not TV (S01E01)

Tell me what to do. I'll fix it.

"Tell me what to do. I'll fix it."

Sanford and Son (1972)

He said we couldn't afford it. Said other things came first.

"He said we couldn't afford it. Said other things came first."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Yeah. And after sitting around all evening drinking beer...

"Yeah. And after sitting around all evening drinking beer..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I better clean up this place before Lamont gets home.

"I better clean up this place before Lamont gets home."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Hey, Fred, you remember Arthur Matthews?

"Hey, Fred, you remember Arthur Matthews?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Well, my lease ain't up till August.

"Well, my lease ain't up till August."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- I want a new TV. - What?

"- I want a new TV. - What?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

And remote control.

"And remote control."

Sanford and Son (1972)

with your buddy, watching TV and drinking beer.

"with your buddy, watching TV and drinking beer."

Sanford and Son (1972)

What are you talking about? Throwing him out. Melvin was leaving. Let him leave.

"What are you talking about? Throwing him out. Melvin was leaving. Let him leave."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Ajunkyard.

"Ajunkyard."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Why not? We can afford it. We got money saved.

"Why not? We can afford it. We got money saved."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Hello. Gail? How you doing? This is Lamont.

"Hello. Gail? How you doing? This is Lamont."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Guess what. I bought a car.

"Guess what. I bought a car."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Would you wait until I get off the phone before you have a heart attack?

"Would you wait until I get off the phone before you have a heart attack?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

I'll pick you up Saturday morning. Ciao, baby.

"I'll pick you up Saturday morning. Ciao, baby."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- You'll be able to ride in it. - Let the wind blow through my scalp.

"- You'll be able to ride in it. - Let the wind blow through my scalp."

Sanford and Son (1972)

And not only that, I'm picking it up tomorrow.

"And not only that, I'm picking it up tomorrow."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You selfish. That's what you are. What about me?

"You selfish. That's what you are. What about me?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Pop, let's face it. I'm getting a car because I need a car.

"Pop, let's face it. I'm getting a car because I need a car."

Sanford and Son (1972)

What's wrong with the truck?

"What's wrong with the truck?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

let her take her wig off and hold it out the window.

"let her take her wig off and hold it out the window."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Pop, Arthur Matthews's son is a crook. You told me that yourself.

"Pop, Arthur Matthews's son is a crook. You told me that yourself."

Sanford and Son (1972)

He's a gambler and a hustler and a thief.

"He's a gambler and a hustler and a thief."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I'm leaving.

"I'm leaving."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Hey, Pop.

"Hey, Pop."

Sanford and Son (1972)

In situations like this, you have to maintain control.

"In situations like this, you have to maintain control."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- So take it easy. - What are you talking about?

"- So take it easy. - What are you talking about?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Your dad is in the hospital.

"Your dad is in the hospital."

Sanford and Son (1972)

What are you talking about? What happened?

"What are you talking about? What happened?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Your old man got picked up wandering around zonked.

"Your old man got picked up wandering around zonked."

Sanford and Son (1972)

later identified as Fred Sanford.

"later identified as Fred Sanford."

Sanford and Son (1972)

The subject, Fred Sanford, was admitted to County General Hospital...

"The subject, Fred Sanford, was admitted to County General Hospital..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

where his condition was termed satisfactory. "

"where his condition was termed satisfactory. ""

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Then he's all right. - Yeah. He's cool.

"- Then he's all right. - Yeah. He's cool."

Sanford and Son (1972)

The report makes no reference to body temperature.

"The report makes no reference to body temperature."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You're going to County General Hospital.

"You're going to County General Hospital."

Sanford and Son (1972)

off at Mission.

"off at Mission."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Cool. - Cool!

"- Cool. - Cool!"

Sanford and Son (1972)

In here, please.

"In here, please."

Sanford and Son (1972)

but my father's been known to play some pretty strange tricks on me.

"but my father's been known to play some pretty strange tricks on me."

Sanford and Son (1972)

How would you explain a man walking the streets like that all night?

"How would you explain a man walking the streets like that all night?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Yeah, I'm afraid it does.

"Yeah, I'm afraid it does."

Sanford and Son (1972)

My mother. She's dead. He talks to her whenever he gets upset.

"My mother. She's dead. He talks to her whenever he gets upset."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Feels unloved, unwanted.

"Feels unloved, unwanted."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You'll find that a correct analysis.

"You'll find that a correct analysis."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Are you the psychiatrist? - No. I'm the ear, nose and throat man.

"- Are you the psychiatrist? - No. I'm the ear, nose and throat man."

Sanford and Son (1972)

But I know as much as they do.

"But I know as much as they do."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- He's gonna be all right, isn't he? - That's up to you.

"- He's gonna be all right, isn't he? - That's up to you."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Yeah. Can I see him now, Doctor?

"Yeah. Can I see him now, Doctor?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Sure. That'll be fine. But try not to upset him.

"Sure. That'll be fine. But try not to upset him."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Mr. Sanford, we have a visitor out here for you.

"Mr. Sanford, we have a visitor out here for you."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Just a minute.

"Just a minute."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Never heard of him.

"Never heard of him."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Listen, Pop.

"Listen, Pop."

Sanford and Son (1972)

That's you, Pop.

"That's you, Pop."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Los Angeles. Where's that?

"Los Angeles. Where's that?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Try and remember. You see, me and you, we have a business together.

"Try and remember. You see, me and you, we have a business together."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I don't wanna leave this place. I like it here.

"I don't wanna leave this place. I like it here."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I'm gonna take real good care of you at home. I'm gonna take you out of here.

"I'm gonna take real good care of you at home. I'm gonna take you out of here."

Sanford and Son (1972)

That's nice, son.

"That's nice, son."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Son. You called me son. Then you remember who I am.

"Son. You called me son. Then you remember who I am."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You're the one with the candy bars.

"You're the one with the candy bars."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You ain't got no Baby Ruth on you?

"You ain't got no Baby Ruth on you?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

That's great. I'm not gonna say no more. Just get some rest...

"That's great. I'm not gonna say no more. Just get some rest..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

It's impossible to say.

"It's impossible to say."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Best thing you can do is take him home.

"Best thing you can do is take him home."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Absolutely. He should have familiar surroundings.

"Absolutely. He should have familiar surroundings."

Sanford and Son (1972)

He needs a feeling that life isn't over for him...

"He needs a feeling that life isn't over for him..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Absolutely. - Hold it down so I can get some sleep.

"- Absolutely. - Hold it down so I can get some sleep."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You go back to bed. You come tomorrow morning.

"You go back to bed. You come tomorrow morning."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I'm sure that once he gets home, he'll feel much better.

"I'm sure that once he gets home, he'll feel much better."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Thanks.

"Thanks."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I don't wanna go home. I wanna get out to the fire escape.

"I don't wanna go home. I wanna get out to the fire escape."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Well, here we are, Pop. Home at last.

"Well, here we are, Pop. Home at last."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I don't live here. This is a dump.

"I don't live here. This is a dump."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I don't like this place. I wanna go back to the hospital.

"I don't like this place. I wanna go back to the hospital."

Sanford and Son (1972)

This is your chair, Pop.

"This is your chair, Pop."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You ready?

"You ready?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

You did it to me again, didn't you? What a dirty underhanded trick.

"You did it to me again, didn't you? What a dirty underhanded trick."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- You never lost your memory at all. - Yeah, I'm losing it now.

"- You never lost your memory at all. - Yeah, I'm losing it now."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Where am I?

"Where am I?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Come off of that, you old faker. You know who you are and where you are.

"Come off of that, you old faker. You know who you are and where you are."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I don't know where I am, but I know who I am.

"I don't know where I am, but I know who I am."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Look at that. Is that a great set?

"Look at that. Is that a great set?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Never thought I'd see the day when I'd watch Sesame Street in living color.

"Never thought I'd see the day when I'd watch Sesame Street in living color."

Sanford and Son (1972)

I don't want you sitting up here all day looking at that television.

"I don't want you sitting up here all day looking at that television."

Sanford and Son (1972)

That's how we work. He does something for me. I do something for him.

"That's how we work. He does something for me. I do something for him."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- He's a good son all right. - Pop, the yard.

"- He's a good son all right. - Pop, the yard."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Pop, I want... Never mind. I'll do it myself.

"Pop, I want... Never mind. I'll do it myself."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- What are you doing, Melvin? - I'm gonna turn the sound up.

"- What are you doing, Melvin? - I'm gonna turn the sound up."

Sanford and Son (1972)

What's wrong?

"What's wrong?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Wait a minute, Fred. Can't you make it louder?

"Wait a minute, Fred. Can't you make it louder?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.

"Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Hey, Fred. Is that as loud as that TV'll go? I can't hear nothin'.

"Hey, Fred. Is that as loud as that TV'll go? I can't hear nothin'."

Sanford and Son (1972)

You wanna make it louder? Do like this.

"You wanna make it louder? Do like this."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Can't you turn the sound up? - It's up as high as it'll go now.

"- Can't you turn the sound up? - It's up as high as it'll go now."

Sanford and Son (1972)

And look at that picture. There's two Humphrey Bogarts.

"And look at that picture. There's two Humphrey Bogarts."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Can't you fix it?

"Can't you fix it?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

There's some knobs on here where you can fix the picture and the sound.

"There's some knobs on here where you can fix the picture and the sound."

Sanford and Son (1972)

See them knobs back there and one of'em say "volume control"?

"See them knobs back there and one of'em say "volume control"?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Yeah. - And there's two more...

"- Yeah. - And there's two more..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

"horizontal hold" and "vertical hold. "

""horizontal hold" and "vertical hold. ""

Sanford and Son (1972)

And down below, two knobs say "brightness" and one says "fine tuning. "

"And down below, two knobs say "brightness" and one says "fine tuning. ""

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Yeah. - Forget about all of them...

"- Yeah. - Forget about all of them..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

and just hit it on the side with your fist.

"and just hit it on the side with your fist."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Go ahead and hit it once.

"Go ahead and hit it once."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Once, Melvin. You can't fix nothin'.

"Once, Melvin. You can't fix nothin'."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Now look at it.

"Now look at it."

Sanford and Son (1972)

There's four Humphrey Bogarts and six Lauren Bacalls.

"There's four Humphrey Bogarts and six Lauren Bacalls."

Sanford and Son (1972)

This is supposed to be a love scene.

"This is supposed to be a love scene."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Look like they playing basketball.

"Look like they playing basketball."

Sanford and Son (1972)

See, now, watch me.

"See, now, watch me."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Well, I guess this set's had it.

"Well, I guess this set's had it."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Hey, listen, Fred. Why don't you ask your son to buy you a new TV?

"Hey, listen, Fred. Why don't you ask your son to buy you a new TV?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Like what?

"Like what?"

Sanford and Son (1972)

Like if he was in an accident with the truck, he would need all the money...

"Like if he was in an accident with the truck, he would need all the money..."

Sanford and Son (1972)

while he spent that time in the hospital.

"while he spent that time in the hospital."

Sanford and Son (1972)

Yeah, while he's in the hospital, you here all alone without a TV.

"Yeah, while he's in the hospital, you here all alone without a TV."

Sanford and Son (1972)

- Yeah. - Ask him to buy you a set.

"- Yeah. - Ask him to buy you a set."

Sanford and Son (1972)

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