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Clips from Zoolander

"You're a killing machine, Derek. They've programmed you."
Zoolander
"But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody."
Zoolander
"It's not up to you. At the proper moment, they'll triggeryou."
Zoolander
"Usually using an auditory or visual Pavlovian response mechanism."
Zoolander
"- "Audi-what-ey"? - And when it's over..."
Zoolander
"What? There's an after party?"
Zoolander
"You gotta get to Maury Ballstein's computer."
Zoolander
"He recorded everything in case they ever turned on him."
Zoolander
"Derek, get a grip!"
Zoolander
"Good luck to you, Derek. I've always been a fan of Blue Steel."
Zoolander
"And I hear Magnum is gonna blow us all away."
Zoolander
"Come on!"
Zoolander
"- Get out of here. - Hang in there,J.P."
Zoolander
"You freakin' idiot!"
Zoolander
"Man, that was close... I can't believe Maury's in on it too..."
Zoolander
"That she-male Katinka's not messing around..."
Zoolander
"You're telling me! For a second there..."
Zoolander
"I thought someone was gonna be reading our "eugoogoly""
Zoolander
"Okay, all right, we need a place to hide."
Zoolander
"Where's the last place anyone would ever expect to look foryou?"
Zoolander
"I hate Hansel! Hansel, Hansel! Everywhere I look! Hansel!"
Zoolander
"Excuse me, Hansel. I don't think there's an easy way to put this..."
Zoolander
"so I am just gonna lay it out."
Zoolander
"Derek has been brainwashed..."
Zoolander
"to kill the prime minister of Malaysia."
Zoolander
"And we need a place to hide until we figure this whole thing out."
Zoolander
"Derek said this would be the last place anyone would look for him."
Zoolander
"Yeah, you're cool to hide here."
Zoolander
"But first, me and him gotta straighten some shit out."
Zoolander
"Fine."
Zoolander
"Why you been acting so messed up towards me?"
Zoolander
"I don't know. Maybe I felt a little threatened or something..."
Zoolander
"And I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me"..."
Zoolander
"And I felt like when you told me to "dere-lick" my balls..."
Zoolander
"that really hurt."
Zoolander
"Maybe I was scared, man. You're Derek Zoolander!"
Zoolander
"You know what it's like to be another model in Zoolander's shadow?"
Zoolander
"You want to hear something crazy?"
Zoolander
"Your work..."
Zoolander
"in the winter '95 International Male catalog..."
Zoolander
"I freakin' worship you, man."
Zoolander
"I was whack."
Zoolander
"So welcome to chez Hansel."
Zoolander
"You're welcome to hide out here as long as you want."
Zoolander
"Well, there isn't much time. The show's tomorrow night."
Zoolander
"We have to figure out a plan by then."
Zoolander
"I'll round up the troops here."
Zoolander
"Derek, you know Natani and Chloe."
Zoolander
"We got Buzzy Sullivan, big wave surfer from Maverick's."
Zoolander
"Hey, bra."
Zoolander
"Oh, this is this fantastic band, the Little Kings..."
Zoolander
"That's my Sherpa, Lapsang."
Zoolander
"Hey, everybody! Listen up for a second."
Zoolander
"Derek and Matilda are hiding 'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek..."
Zoolander
"Will you get me some of that tea that me and Lapsang got..."
Zoolander
"This is really strong tea."
Zoolander
"No, it's just right. Trust me."
Zoolander
"What with all the intrigue you guys have been dealing with."
Zoolander
"You know, Matilda, I'm surprised you're so worried about "Der-rock"'"
Zoolander
"you don't really care too much about guys in our line ofwork."
Zoolander
"- Honestly? - Yes."
Zoolander
"and incredibly self-centered."
Zoolander
"But how do you feel about male models?"
Zoolander
"Sweet."
Zoolander
"- Yeah. - Then I'm gonna tell you the truth."
Zoolander
"I was the fat kid in my class."
Zoolander
"I'm sorry. Please, go ahead. My mistake."
Zoolander
"Anyway..."
Zoolander
"every day after school, I would come home and..."
Zoolander
"you know, I'd flip through the pages of my mom's Vogue and Glamour..."
Zoolander
"just unbelievable, skinny women."
Zoolander
"Oh, I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them."
Zoolander
"So, um..."
Zoolander
"So I became..."
Zoolander
"What?"
Zoolander
"You can read minds?"
Zoolander
"It's when you throw up after every meal."
Zoolander
"See, this is exactly what you models do to people."
Zoolander
"So what? I throw up after lots of meals."
Zoolander
"How'd that affect you with guys? Did they not want to get busy?"
Zoolander
"- Haven't really done it... - You haven't done it..."
Zoolander
"- Oh! - Oh, snap!"
Zoolander
"- Easy, easy. - I'm not comfortable talking..."
Zoolander
"This has been an emotional day for all of us."
Zoolander
"I think we should get naked."
Zoolander
"Just give in to the power of the tea."
Zoolander
"I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke."
Zoolander
"I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke."
Zoolander
"Just falling... I'll never forget the terror."
Zoolander
"When suddenly I remember, "Holy shit. Hansel..."
Zoolander
"And couldn't some of this, maybe, be in your mind??'"
Zoolander
"And?"
Zoolander
"Cool story, Hansel."
Zoolander
"Thanks, Olaf."
Zoolander
"I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying."
Zoolander
"You couldn't see anything. It was like, whoa, who's that?"
Zoolander
"- Who's this? - I think I'm falling for Matilda."
Zoolander
"Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything..."
Zoolander
"It was like, whoa, look out!"
Zoolander
"There was a moment last night..."
Zoolander
"Really?"
Zoolander
"What do you call that?"
Zoolander
"I think you call that love, D-Bone."
Zoolander
"So what time is it?"
Zoolander
"Hey, guys, that show is in three hours."
Zoolander
"Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys..."
Zoolander
"Whoa, easy. How about a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel."
Zoolander
"Thanks for the freak fest last night"?"
Zoolander
"- Derek, hang up the phone now! - Where am I?"
Zoolander
"Turn off my phone?"
Zoolander
"- Yeah. - Earth to Matilda."
Zoolander
"This phone is as much a part of me as..."
Zoolander
"You know what? Can we cut it out with all the "Earth to's," please?"
Zoolander
"We're not actually saying this is the Earth calling you, Matilda."
Zoolander
"Yeah. No, I got that. I understand you don't literally mean..."
Zoolander
"Uh, no, I don't think you do."
Zoolander
"Hello."
Zoolander
"before Derek assassinates a world leader."
Zoolander
"I have an idea."
Zoolander
"But they won't be looking for not us."
Zoolander
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