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Clips from New Girl - Parents (S02E02)

"Oh! Ha, ha!"
New Girl
"And I can do the same thing to a man's arm."
New Girl
"Ding, ding, ding, ding. That's the sound of round two."
New Girl
"- Perfection. BIG SCHMIDT: This is a masterpiece here."
New Girl
"- Who's hungry, right? - I am starving."
New Girl
"Makes sense with you two. Must have worked up an appetite."
New Girl
"- What? - Time!"
New Girl
"Look at that plating. It's like Picasso."
New Girl
"Nice squeeze-bottle work, Bobby Flay."
New Girl
"- Okay, he is still relevant. - Where? Phoenix?"
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"Come on, we are getting hungry."
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"Why don't you stay here? I'll sleep on the couch."
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"- What are you saying? - Nothing happened."
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"What are you saying? What are you saying?"
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"NICK: I'm with you. - You shouldn't be saying anything."
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"- I don't know anything. - You don't have information about anything."
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"- Nothing. The answer is nothing. - Happened."
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"- What? BIG SCHMIDT: Answer a question."
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"Which plating is more masculine?"
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"Do you guys wanna know what the ultimate test is?"
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"Being secure in your masculinity."
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"- How? - I'm super-secure."
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"You kiss a man."
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"- Ha. Yeah. - If you wanna be the one true Schmidt, I mean."
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"- No. Yeah. I'll kiss a man. Yeah. - I'll kiss a man."
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"Winston? You know, he'd do."
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"- Winston? - I could go for stuffing right now. Am I right?"
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"- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, right?"
New Girl
"I'll kiss Winston. I'll kiss Winston all day."
New Girl
"- I'll kiss Winston's mouth all day. - Let's do it. All day I'll kiss Winston."
New Girl
"- Is everybody else really hot too? - Oh, wow."
New Girl
"- Hey. - Thank you."
New Girl
"JOAN: Manly. BOB: Beautiful."
New Girl
"Hey, Winston. Uh, I got you this. It's an after-dinner mint for after dinner."
New Girl
"- Oh, thanks, man. - Just make sure you take it."
New Girl
"BOB: What are we having, turkey sushi? What is this?"
New Girl
"I'm gonna make a toast."
New Girl
"Parent Trap is just a movie."
New Girl
"[JESS CHUCKLES]"
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"And real relationships are not like that, they're more complicated than that."
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"- And they're not even real twins. BIG SCHMIDT: Twins."
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"Yes. I'm thankful for twins."
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"They're like sisters but they do it and they like to have sex."
New Girl
"- Schmidts. BIG SCHMIDT: What?"
New Girl
"- What? JESS: In conclusion..."
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"...ahem, I wanna say what I'm thankful for."
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"Family."
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"They said it couldn't be done."
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"They said, "You're crazy, Jess.""
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"I am so thankful today that I proved them wrong."
New Girl
"- Honey, what are you saying? - We saw you guys doing it in the bathroom."
New Girl
"- No. - We saw you guys in the bathroom."
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"It was the greatest day of my entire life. There was so much love there."
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"- And sex. There's a sex energy too, Jess. - And sex."
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"You lit this place on fire, you two animals."
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"- It was just a kiss. - It was a great kiss."
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"A hookup. It meant nothing."
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"- If Joanie's up for grabs, I volunteer. - I volunteer too."
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"- You just wanted me for my body. - Yep."
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"And I'm fine with that."
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"Joanie, what if it was like that?"
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"You guys had a spark. You connected."
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"- Let's get natural. JESS: If you got together today..."
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"...it would be different. I think you could make each other happy."
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"- I'm serious. No. What? - Jess, you gotta let it go."
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"No, I'm not letting it go."
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"You have to admit they're never gonna make it work."
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"- And you scratched my van. - Mom, she didn't mean to scratch your van."
New Girl
"Ah! I knew it. I knew it. Didn't I tell you? I knew it."
New Girl
"But the reason I was in your van is because your little jujube was high as a kite."
New Girl
"- Oh, my God. - Honey, are you an addict?"
New Girl
"It was a brownie. I wasn't allowed to eat chocolate."
New Girl
"Are you living with drug dealers?"
New Girl
"When can we start eating?"
New Girl
"What are you doing? Are you selling your body to pay for the rent?"
New Girl
"- I don't sell my body for rent. No. - A women living with three guys..."
New Girl
"When can we start eating?"
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"...It's off. It's off."
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"Shut up, everybody!"
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"I just wanna be a family."
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"Jess, you have a family."
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"Your father and I are not getting back together."
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"Never."
New Girl
"Jess?"
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"- Honey? - Where are you going?"
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"The turkey."
New Girl
"JOAN: Jess?"
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"Honey? Can I come in?"
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"Or do you have your dad hiding in the closet, waiting to make out with me?"
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"[JOAN CHUCKLES]"
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"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
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"I ruined the whole day and it could have been really nice but it wasn't..."
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"...because I tried to shove a turkey down a garbage disposal. I just..."
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"I thought..."
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"...maybe you guys could make each other happy."
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"We're actually happier apart."
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"Maybe I'm just worried..."
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"...that since you guys are alone, that means that I have to end up alone."
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"You're not gonna be alone."
New Girl
"Even if you were, you could always move in with me."
New Girl
"We could get a condo in Miami and start solving crimes together."
New Girl
"You have to lighten up, Jess. It's just life."
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"Yeah. You know what? We could definitely Grey Gardens the crap..."
New Girl
"...out of a condo in Miami. - Heh-heh."
New Girl
"- Can't wait to eat cat food with you. - Rawrr!"
New Girl
"[BOTH CHUCKLE]"
New Girl
"I'm okay. Don't worry about me."
New Girl
"- And so is your dad. - Okay."
New Girl
"BIG SCHMIDT: Are we doing this or not?"
New Girl
"I'm going in."
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"Mm-mm."
New Girl
"- What's up, bro? - What's up?"
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"Nope."
New Girl
"Face smells like a dude's face. Not for me."
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"All right. Ahem."
New Girl
"Watch how a real man does it."
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"Hey, Winston."
New Girl
"- What's up? BIG SCHMIDT: Yeah."
New Girl
"- I know, right? - Yeah."
New Girl
"Heh-heh-heh. Hmm."
New Girl
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