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Clips from Schitt's Creek - The Drip (S01E01)

For a slap.

"For a slap."

Schitt's Creek

Excuse me?

"Excuse me?"

Schitt's Creek

I've always wanted to be slapped by Vivien Blake.

"I've always wanted to be slapped by Vivien Blake."

Schitt's Creek

- Mmm-hmm. - But it is not the real thing.

"- Mmm-hmm. - But it is not the real thing."

Schitt's Creek

- You'd like me to slap you? - Yeah.

"- You'd like me to slap you? - Yeah."

Schitt's Creek

I don't think that I...

"I don't think that I..."

Schitt's Creek

Well, don't think. Just do it. Slap me.

"Well, don't think. Just do it. Slap me."

Schitt's Creek

- I won't. - Slap him, Moira.

"- I won't. - Slap him, Moira."

Schitt's Creek

Go ahead and slap him.

"Go ahead and slap him."

Schitt's Creek

John, I won't!

"John, I won't!"

Schitt's Creek

- Slap him or I'll slap him. - Slap him, Moira!

"- Slap him or I'll slap him. - Slap him, Moira!"

Schitt's Creek

- Slap me! - I won't.

"- Slap me! - I won't."

Schitt's Creek

Okay.

"Okay."

Schitt's Creek

Um, this has been a lot of fun,

"Um, this has been a lot of fun,"

Schitt's Creek

but I'm starting to smell a little too much like campfire

"but I'm starting to smell a little too much like campfire"

Schitt's Creek

and denim and plaid and stuff, so... Bye.

"and denim and plaid and stuff, so... Bye."

Schitt's Creek

Your choices are beer or beer.

"Your choices are beer or beer."

Schitt's Creek

I assume a pint glass is out of the question?

"I assume a pint glass is out of the question?"

Schitt's Creek

You came! How was dinner?

"You came! How was dinner?"

Schitt's Creek

Although, at this point, it's sort of a moving target.

"Although, at this point, it's sort of a moving target."

Schitt's Creek

Here, hold this.

"Here, hold this."

Schitt's Creek

So there are no guys for me here.

"So there are no guys for me here."

Schitt's Creek

I kind of wanna just go for it but...

"I kind of wanna just go for it but..."

Schitt's Creek

- Okay, now put the tube in your mouth. - What?

"- Okay, now put the tube in your mouth. - What?"

Schitt's Creek

- Yeah. And just open your throat. - Oh.

"- Yeah. And just open your throat. - Oh."

Schitt's Creek

And go down, 'cause you're tall.

"And go down, 'cause you're tall."

Schitt's Creek

David, how long are you gonna be doing this?

"David, how long are you gonna be doing this?"

Schitt's Creek

Yeah. Okay, just come get me after you vomit, okay?

"Yeah. Okay, just come get me after you vomit, okay?"

Schitt's Creek

You!

"You!"

Schitt's Creek

Chug! Chug! Chug!

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Schitt's Creek

Chug! Chug! Chug!

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Schitt's Creek

Are you ready? Can we move?

"Are you ready? Can we move?"

Schitt's Creek

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Schitt's Creek

All-righty.

"All-righty."

Schitt's Creek

There you go, Johnny, congratulations.

"There you go, Johnny, congratulations."

Schitt's Creek

Thank you very much. Thank you.

"Thank you very much. Thank you."

Schitt's Creek

Just remember one thing, okay?

"Just remember one thing, okay?"

Schitt's Creek

Comprende?

"Comprende?"

Schitt's Creek

I'm just messing with you, man! Come on!

"I'm just messing with you, man! Come on!"

Schitt's Creek

Or am I?

"Or am I?"

Schitt's Creek

No. I am.

"No. I am."

Schitt's Creek

- Moira! Shall we? - Yeah.

"- Moira! Shall we? - Yeah."

Schitt's Creek

Jocelyn, thank you for an unforgettable evening,

"Jocelyn, thank you for an unforgettable evening,"

Schitt's Creek

I will be dining out on this for years.

"I will be dining out on this for years."

Schitt's Creek

I'll send you the recipes.

"I'll send you the recipes."

Schitt's Creek

Yes, Jocelyn, words can't express.

"Yes, Jocelyn, words can't express."

Schitt's Creek

Seriously, Johnny, good luck selling the town.

"Seriously, Johnny, good luck selling the town."

Schitt's Creek

You're sure gonna need it.

"You're sure gonna need it."

Schitt's Creek

- Why's that? - Well, it took a while to sell the first time.

"- Why's that? - Well, it took a while to sell the first time."

Schitt's Creek

I mean, it was on the market for, like, what, 20 years

"I mean, it was on the market for, like, what, 20 years"

Schitt's Creek

Twenty years?

"Twenty years?"

Schitt's Creek

Yeah. I mean, most people just thought it was a waste of money,

"Yeah. I mean, most people just thought it was a waste of money,"

Schitt's Creek

that it would never sell, you know?

"that it would never sell, you know?"

Schitt's Creek

Who in their right mind would buy it?

"Who in their right mind would buy it?"

Schitt's Creek

Then along come you.

"Then along come you."

Schitt's Creek

John, did you know

"John, did you know"

Schitt's Creek

this town was on the market for 20 years before we bought it?

"this town was on the market for 20 years before we bought it?"

Schitt's Creek

How would I know that?

"How would I know that?"

Schitt's Creek

Why would I know that? I didn't know that.

"Why would I know that? I didn't know that."

Schitt's Creek

But look, let's look at the bright side.

"But look, let's look at the bright side."

Schitt's Creek

There is no bright side. This is the dark side of the moon, Johnny.

"There is no bright side. This is the dark side of the moon, Johnny."

Schitt's Creek

tucked in a crater, lost to all.

"tucked in a crater, lost to all."

Schitt's Creek

Well, you know what? I think that's being a little dramatic.

"Well, you know what? I think that's being a little dramatic."

Schitt's Creek

Yes! It's dramatic!

"Yes! It's dramatic!"

Schitt's Creek

And if we have to fix this town up before we sell it,

"And if we have to fix this town up before we sell it,"

Schitt's Creek

then we fix it up.

"then we fix it up."

Schitt's Creek

We fix it up, bit by bit.

"We fix it up, bit by bit."

Schitt's Creek

And it's gonna take hard work.

"And it's gonna take hard work."

Schitt's Creek

But we can do it because we're Roses.

"But we can do it because we're Roses."

Schitt's Creek

And there's nothing we can't do if we put our minds...

"And there's nothing we can't do if we put our minds..."

Schitt's Creek

Hi, hi, hi. You guys are being super loud right now.

"Hi, hi, hi. You guys are being super loud right now."

Schitt's Creek

I can hear you through the headphones.

"I can hear you through the headphones."

Schitt's Creek

So if you can just wrap it up in here...

"So if you can just wrap it up in here..."

Schitt's Creek

I feel good about this. I really do.

"I feel good about this. I really do."

Schitt's Creek

It's 6:00 a.m.!

"It's 6:00 a.m.!"

Schitt's Creek

- My best to Bob Cratchit. - Okay.

"- My best to Bob Cratchit. - Okay."

Schitt's Creek

No.

"No."

Schitt's Creek

- What? - Good, it's settled.

"- What? - Good, it's settled."

Schitt's Creek

David owned a brilliant gallery.

"David owned a brilliant gallery."

Schitt's Creek

No! Are you okay?

"No! Are you okay?"

Schitt's Creek

David! Do not open that door.

"David! Do not open that door."

Schitt's Creek

That's what I say.

"That's what I say."

Schitt's Creek

Crazy.

"Crazy."

Schitt's Creek

So, Jocelyn, you were saying that you teach high school,

"So, Jocelyn, you were saying that you teach high school,"

Schitt's Creek

Put your thumb over the tube.

"Put your thumb over the tube."

Schitt's Creek

but you were my favorite character on Sunrise Bay.

"but you were my favorite character on Sunrise Bay."

Schitt's Creek

- Okay, I'll tell you what, Vivien. - Moira.

"- Okay, I'll tell you what, Vivien. - Moira."

Schitt's Creek

And that's the last one there! Done!

"And that's the last one there! Done!"

Schitt's Creek