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Clips from American Dad! - Bar Mitzvah Hustle (S04E04)

"# I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day #"
American Dad!
"- and recommends farts based on your comedic sensibility. - [Clicks]"
American Dad!
"Perhaps you'll enjoy- [Short Fart]"
American Dad!
"- Oh, that is nice. - Hey, guys."
American Dad!
"Wow. He's so... mature."
American Dad!
"[Laughs] He's right. I did enjoy that. Very much so."
American Dad!
"Damn it! I'll never find my phone."
American Dad!
"you can call it, enter a code and the phone rings."
American Dad!
"- That's a million-dollar idea, and we're gonna sell it! - What?"
American Dad!
"Francine, you know I only laugh at Two and a Half Men. [Laughs]"
American Dad!
"- [Clicks] - Cool!"
American Dad!
"- High-tech invitations to Etan's bar mitzvah. - ## [Electronic: "Hava Nagila'"]"
American Dad!
"Dang. For my bar mitzvah, I have to get to the park by dawn..."
American Dad!
"I just loaded up my question gun. Time to go answer huntin'."
American Dad!
"Ooh, excuse me a moment."
American Dad!
"Good stuff. Good stuff. Now, where was I?"
American Dad!
"Okay, say more. I don't- I actually don't know where this is going."
American Dad!
"Etan took what was precious to me, so now I'm gonna take what's precious to him."
American Dad!
"All right, Roger. Lfinished my research..."
American Dad!
"- [Groans] - I know. Don't even get me started..."
American Dad!
"Anyway, the planning stage is over."
American Dad!
"He hustles eight ball out of a bar in East Langley."
American Dad!
"You must be the white boy lookin' for a wheel man. I'm in."
American Dad!
"- [Ball Bounces, Hits Floor] - You hustlin' me, boy?"
American Dad!
"- Wait. Why isn't Snot here? - Snot's too close to Etan. He'd never betray him."
American Dad!
"But don't worry. Snot will have a role to play before this is over."
American Dad!
"- That's crazy. - Trust me."
American Dad!
"where he invented a kosher lubricant that tastes like whitefish salad but-"
American Dad!
"- You're playing a waiter. - But I've been developing my Alsace-Lorraine-Mykonos accent."
American Dad!
"- What are you doing? - Practicing stirring."
American Dad!
"[Snickers, Laughs] I'm... a fan."
American Dad!
"The only decorations I have are the police tape left over from my uncle's murder."
American Dad!
"- Hello, Debbie. Shall we dance? - ## [Disco Intro]"
American Dad!
"I don't think so, Steve."
American Dad!
"Come on. Old times?"
American Dad!
"- ## [Continues] - I didn't know you danced."
American Dad!
"I do a lot of things now- adult things."
American Dad!
"Gave myself a prostate exam this morning..."
American Dad!
"- Next time I'll reverse the order. - ## [Continues]"
American Dad!
"I overheard a boy saying he was gonna steal your gifts."
American Dad!
"[Man] #It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. #"
American Dad!
"- [All Groaning, Sighing] - ## [Ends] - [Applause]"
American Dad!
"- Come on. It's the chair dance. - ## [Continues]"
American Dad!
"Fine."
American Dad!
"- ## [Stops] - [High-pitched Screaming] They're stealing my presents!"
American Dad!
"But that's just a misdirection. The real gifts we're after are the ones in his jacket."
American Dad!
"[Whispers] Scams make me so horny."
American Dad!
"[Steve Narrating] All party long, Etan's relatives will be handing him..."
American Dad!
"and written sentiments that have no monetary worth but are emotionally valuable."
American Dad!
"- Hey! - Oh, God. Sorry, Snot."
American Dad!
"Okay, okay. Th-Then we'll get it to the cleaners right away."
American Dad!
"- Aha! - [All Gasp]"
American Dad!
"has paid for a tree to be planted in Israel in your name."
American Dad!
"will already have left the ballroom..."
American Dad!
"It's the perfect plan."
American Dad!
"- The cards. He stole them! - [Crowd Gasps]"
American Dad!
"[Roger Narrating] And what Steve won't know is that I have my own plan."
American Dad!
"While everyone's focused on Snot, I'll be heading to the bathroom..."
American Dad!
"We can't. We're in too deep. Shh. Here he comes."
American Dad!
"[Girl] Boo."
American Dad!
"- He's not going to have a bar mitzvah. - [Crowd Gasps]"
American Dad!
"The beit din is a council of threeJewish elders from a temple..."
American Dad!
"You'll never be bar mitzvahed- doomed to walk the earth for the rest of your days..."
American Dad!
"I must have written down the wrong address."
American Dad!
"- I'm sorry. L-I can't do this. - [Whispers] Just say your line."
American Dad!
"We have a cell phone idea, but we never get to pitch it because we get lost."
American Dad!
"Debbie. Uh, what a surprise."
American Dad!
"You need to find an expert on Jewish law to defend him."
American Dad!
"Don't you worry, kid. I'll win this for ya."
American Dad!
"The accuser will state his case."
American Dad!
"I demand his expulsion from this temple..."
American Dad!
"and that you strip him of his upcoming bar mitzvah ceremony!"
American Dad!
"- Oh, boy. - And isn't it true..."
American Dad!
"that is actually just Thousand Island?"
American Dad!
"- No! - My bill. Just so you're not shocked when you open it..."
American Dad!
"this big hat was a lot."
American Dad!
"I'm doomed! [Sobs Loudly]"
American Dad!
"- What? - Snot knew nothing about it."
American Dad!
"Debbie, wait. [Moans]"
American Dad!
"How could you ever make it up to me?"
American Dad!
"I had a garage sale and sold all my toys. Guy's gotta grow up sometime."
American Dad!
"Bye. Have a beautiful time."
American Dad!
"#The sun in the sky has a smile on his face #"
American Dad!
"#And he's shining a salute to the American race #"
American Dad!
"# Oh, boy, it's swell to say #"
American Dad!
"Okay, Debs, check out that couple over there."
American Dad!
"How great is this thing? It throws farts up to a hundred yards."
American Dad!
"- Well, if it makes you happy. - So happy."
American Dad!
"It has a two-gig fart library that analyzes your laughter..."
American Dad!
"[Man, In Cultured Accent] You enjoyed- [Fart]"
American Dad!
"Okay, Bubbe Judy, I'm just comin' to the end of the stairs now. Yeah, the motor stairs."
American Dad!
"Not because I have to, because I want to. You should too."
American Dad!
"Shaloms all around."
American Dad!
"You missed some off-the-hizzi atonement. You were busy?"
American Dad!
"Actually, I've sort of moved away from traditional religion."
American Dad!
"Oh. So then might I suggest you check out theJewish mystical tradition of Kabbalah?"
American Dad!
"It's yourJudaism- [Whispers] after dark."
American Dad!
"I didn't know you were so spiritual, Etan."
American Dad!
"Hey, I'm spiritual too. I'm terrified of ghosts!"
American Dad!
"But I'll catch you later, nerds. [Laughs]"
American Dad!
"I like my women like I like my dreidels- bottom-heavy?"
American Dad!
"I'll be blunt. I'm comin' on to you, Deborah. It's true. This is what's happening."
American Dad!
"The matzo ball's in your court."
American Dad!
"Perhaps you'll enjoy- [Deeper Fart]"
American Dad!
"Dad, why don't you just call your cell from the land line and listen for the ring?"
American Dad!
"Because it's still on vibrate from the movies last night."
American Dad!
"Yes! Found it. Wait. This isn't my phone. It's not even real."
American Dad!
"It's my phone, and it's full of jelly beans. And they are my jelly beans."
American Dad!
"Ring, ring! Ach, it's the green jelly bean. I'm not gonna take this."
American Dad!
"You know, they should invent a way..."
American Dad!
"so that if you lose your cell phone on vibrate mode..."
American Dad!
"That... is a great idea."
American Dad!
"Well, Snot, that is the Super Ball conundrum:"
American Dad!
"We want them to bounce higher and higher, but then we risk losing them."
American Dad!
"What in the world is this?"
American Dad!
"Wow. He's rented out the fanciest ballroom in town."
American Dad!
"to get the picnic table by the swings."
American Dad!
"It's the only one that doesn't have a swastika or a boner carved in it."
American Dad!
"Wait. Where's my invitation?"
American Dad!
"Oh. Etan's talkin' to Debbie."
American Dad!
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