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Clips from Friends - The One Where Monica Sings (S09E09)

"But if she wants to go out there kissing guys she barely knows, then so will I."
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"I've got plenty of opportunities."
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"Your knuckles are kind of hairy too."
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"- Only if I don't have to get up and sing. - But everybody sings. It's so fun."
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"Wow, I must be growing up."
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"No, not that. I kissed Gavin last night."
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"Yeah, it was after the party, we were on the balcony..."
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"- ...and he gave me this scarf. - I thought you hated him."
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"And I have to be at the office and see Gavin in 10 minutes."
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"Uh-oh."
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"So do you...? Do you get a lot of guys in here?"
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"- You looking to meet somebody? - All right, let's just do this."
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"Holy Mother of God! Oh, my face! My face!"
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"Single white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children."
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"You don't have to do anything. It'll just be easier if it's two of us."
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"Is it a cold from standing on the balcony, or did a monkey bite you?"
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"- Ross. - Yeah."
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"What's the deal with you guys? I don't wanna get in the middle of anything."
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"- Hi. - Oh, Molly. You're not Ross."
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"- I have Mace in my purse. - No, that's okay! No, no, no."
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"Hi. Gavin. Pleased to meet you."
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"- ...why did I have to hide? - I thought it was Ross."
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"One of the best, ma'am. One of the best."
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"Isn't there just a little part of you that wants to get up there?"
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"- Well, I've got a book around... - "Delta Dawn.""
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"I mean, you're obviously desperate."
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"This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys..."
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"By drowning or...?"
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"- Why would he break up with me? - I don't know, sweetie."
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"- Wow. - I know."
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"...much too literal rendition of "I Touch Myself.""
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"It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama."
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"No, no, no. I do. I do. I need your help."
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"Aww..."
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"Thank you so much for making me do this. That is the best gift ever."
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"It is so amazing that I met you on the same day that Eric broke up with me..."
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"- Somebody here? - Oh, yeah. That's Michelle."
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"And I'm also Emma's mother."
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"- Who's Emma? - I told you about my daughter."
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"This is your daughter?"
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"Oh, how about the Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited"?"
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"All right, watch."
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"Oh, who cares? They still love me."
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"- Why didn't I get that message? - What?"
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"...you are the one who moved on and didn't tell anyone."
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"Isn't that weird?" And I say, "No. It's not, because it works for us.""
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"- In fact, this is the opposite of working. - Clearly."
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"...and maybe this just doesn't make sense anymore."
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"- Of course. - Thank you."
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"- Hey. - Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure."
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"Look, can we talk about what happened here last night?"
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"Sure. Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you."
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"You believe that whoever did something last night did what they did or didn't do?"
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"Okay, you really don't know what I'm talking about?"
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"- No. - Okay. Last night, after the party..."
Friends
"...I saw Rachel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony."
Friends
"Our balcony? Seriously?"
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"That's so funny. I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony..."
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"...and she said, "No, no. It's too cold. Nobody will go out there." And I said:"
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""Maybe if we put some lights out there they will.""
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"Right, that's what I came over to talk about. I saw Rachel kissing some guy..."
Friends
"...on your balcony, even though there were no lights!"
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"So are you gonna talk to her?"
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"Why? Why should I? I mean, if she wants to move on, that's fine."
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"You know when "that's fine" sounds true? When someone yells it and spits."
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"No, I'm serious. I mean, if she wants to date people, fine. I don't care."
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"But at least she could have told me."
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"You know, I've been putting my life on hold and concentrating on Emma."
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"Very funny! Ross is gay! Ha, ha."
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"No, no. Good, so you're moving on."
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"Do you have any idea where you're moving on to?"
Friends
"Just now, there was some woman at the coffeehouse smiled at me."
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"And then the other day on the subway, a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand."
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"Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life."
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"And there's an anthropologist atschooL""
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"...who totally came on to me during the interdepartmental potluck dinner."
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"Why did I get married?"
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"Hey, let me ask you guys something."
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"I'm having new headshots taken tomorrow."
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"The photographer said she thinks I should have my eyebrows waxed."
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"Is that weird for a guy?"
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"- Well, it depends. - On?"
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"On how far along he is in the sex-change process."
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"No, I totally disagree. I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that."
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"Especially an actor."
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"I mean, not that you need to. Your eyebrows are..."
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"Stop it, you guys. Stop staring, you're freaking me out."
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"Oh, man, now I have to get those done too?"
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"- Wow, talk about high maintenance. - You dye your hair."
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"- I'm a woman. - Double standards!"
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"Before I forget, are you coming to Mike's piano bar tonight?"
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"Last time, this adorable old man got up there, forgot all the words, flipped out..."
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"...and everyone booed him off the stage. It was so funny."
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"Look, I'm not good at singing."
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"Oh, what's the matter? You scared? You afraid I'm a better singer?"
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"You afraid I'm gonna beat you at singing?"
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"Nope. Nope. It's not working on me."
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"Okay, fine. Just please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing."
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"So I don't have to sing, and I can just sit there and pass judgment on others?"
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"- While drinking. - I'm there."
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"Hi, you guys. Listen, I really need your help."
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"I think I did something really stupid."
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"Well, yes, Rachel, but you got something so beautiful out of it."
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"- My God. - You kissed him?"
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"Wait, wait, wait. I was at home the whole time. How did I miss that?"
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"Well, it was the end of the party. You were probably ironing wrapping paper."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"So how did you end up kissing?"
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"We were all alone and he was being really nice..."
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"Well, there is a thin line between love and hate..."
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"...and it turns out that line is a scarf."
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"Are you thinking of starting something up with this guy?"
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"I don't know. It's so complicated. I work with this guy."
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"I have the baby, and I have Ross. I don't know what to do."
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"Sounds like you need to think about what you want and talk to Gavin."
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"- And you definitely should talk to Ross. - Or..."
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"...I could call in sick and not deal with it at all."
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"Wow! Five months maternity leave, you're back for four days..."
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"...kiss a co-worker and call in sick. They are lucky to have you."
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"- Hi. - Hi."
Friends
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