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Clips from Shameless - Frank Gallagher: Loving Husband, Devoted Father (S01E01)

"Can you tell him, I'm sorry, I tried?"
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"He's been having it sent to my place..."
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"...but my girlfriend moved in, and she's been making a lot of changes."
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"She threw out my collection of 19th-century erotica."
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"That was hard. She threw out my old Atari cartridges."
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"I'll get the other bags from the car."
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"Twelve hundred at the Windy Titty?"
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"A grand to Big Lenny?"
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"- Unbelievable. - What?"
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"He used our names to get the cards."
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"Cool, I just got a subscription to Penthouse."
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"How about another steak to soak that up before you go to surgery?"
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"Something tells me yours has too many miles on it."
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"Aha!"
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"Your phone, garçon. Here's a man with cash to give."
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"You've been buying stuff using our names?"
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"It's the credit-card company you should blame."
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"The president said, Spend. I spent. Where's my Purple Heart?"
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"Is that a new flat-screen?"
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"Meanwhile, some guy named Paco is jumping a fence and taking my job."
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"Where's the justice?"
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"Guess who's supporting them. Me. My taxes."
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"What happened to personal responsibility?"
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"Never use their names again."
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"How does a grown man let a teenager take a gun from him?"
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"How can a man who has fathered two children have no balls?"
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"- It's a medical mystery. - What do you want me to do?"
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"Restock the feminine hygiene."
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"What did you want me to do, shoot the kid?"
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"You'd probably get thank-you cards. You're a U.S. Citizen."
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"You have the right to bear arms, a right none of those founding fathers thought..."
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"...would trickle down to us, but that's their fault."
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"We're getting robbed blind."
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"Is that a new jacket, Ian?"
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"- Yeah. - Where'd you get the money?"
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"The register?"
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"There anything going on behind my back?"
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"Four cameras. Every square inch covered."
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"Ooh, look. I found another box."
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"My gosh. Let's see what's in here. Okay."
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"Oh, finger-paints."
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"And let's see, what else do we have?"
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"Ooh!"
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"Which one do you like better, the baby or the whore?"
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"Look at that. It's Karen's Easy-Bake Oven."
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"What is this meeting tonight? You join Sex Addicts Anonymous?"
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"It's with a social worker. We're getting a foster kid."
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"- Thought you didn't want kids. - Three eighty-four a month."
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"Kev really wants a kid. I convinced him to rent before we own."
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"Claimed he was a cancer patient. He's got Debbie buying handguns."
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"This is my side. This is where you're supposed to be."
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"A night in a fancy hotel? You don't think I'd love to jump at that?"
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"Don't be stupid."
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"You have a choice, you're just making the wrong one."
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"Everybody's gonna be in one piece when you get back. Just go."
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"One, a-two, a-three."
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"Look at you go. You're like a cowboy."
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"Let's see. Do you like it? Do you like it, sweet boy?"
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"Oh!"
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"I just..."
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"I just wanna see. So soft."
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"Oh!"
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"Yes, you are."
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"- You know what saved my life? - Ah, don't say Jesus."
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"- Smoothie saved my life. - Who's Smoothie?"
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"Not a guy, the drink."
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"- A wife, kid, you name it. - Nightmare."
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"While I was out, the office got hit by a plane."
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"Presumed dead."
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"Start over, Frank. Come on."
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"No."
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"You pretend to be dead, and your problems die for real."
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"Yo, Gallagher, you're up."
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"My lucky day."
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"There we go. All nice and clean."
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"Oh, Liam, it's so warm."
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"Liam?"
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"Liam, are we playing hide-and-seek?"
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"Liam, where did you crawl off to?"
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"Liam?"
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"No, come inside, sweetie! Liam, honey! You have to come..."
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"Okay. Okay."
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"- Don't we have to check in? - We're about to."
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"- All set? - Room 3201."
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"Wedding was called off, but the room was charged to their card."
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"The bride saw her fiancé on To Catch a Predator."
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"Ouch!"
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"Honeymoon suite's all yours."
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"- Honeymoon suite? - Oh, you're gonna love it."
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"Liam! Liam, come."
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"Ah, I assume Carl's burned it to the ground by now."
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"Come on. One night."
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"Hungry?"
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"Yeah, but could we order a burger or something?"
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"Hotel probably gave us something hard to pronounce."
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"Take a look."
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"Al's Beef, sweet peppers. I had them bring it over."
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"- I think I just came. - Fries too."
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"I won't look like a lady."
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"Okay."
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"I made it."
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"What happened to you?"
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"Uh, a huge guy jumped me. Two eighty, 290, steroids... Who knows?"
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"- Good for him. - I need your help."
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"- I got maybe 2 bucks. - No, no, no. Show of hands."
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"How many of you, at one point or another, wanted to see me dead?"
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"Hi, Mrs. Bergdoll. Got some bones for your pit bulls."
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"Four-pound roast and 10 pounds of prime chuck?"
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"- Got nothing. You? - Empty."
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"I can't believe you guys are getting a foster kid."
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"Bingo."
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"You know, a lot of those foster kids are messed up."
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"Jesus, Mary and Joseph."
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"- Tetrodotoxin. - Zombie drug. Need a week."
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"Uh, need something now."
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"- Roofie get the job done? - I don't wanna rape him."
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"- I just need to knock his ass out. - Could I try a sample of that one?"
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"- No free samples. - Where'd you learn your trade?"
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"You're supposed to get me hooked. Never go on stage without a dry run."
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"Enough to knock out a Clydesdale. Frank's a professional."
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