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Clips from Shameless - Frank Gallagher: Loving Husband, Devoted Father (S01E01)

"What's your excuse?"
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"...or this ear will be hanging around my neck."
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"- Ugh. - Anything?"
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"Today is Put Your Head in the Toilet Day."
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"- Did you try and fix it? - Hell, no. I just got my nails done."
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"- I got us a room at the Delacroix tonight. - Ha, ha."
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"Brandy can sneak us in."
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"No, genius, I like standing in a shitty neighborhood with my dick in my hands."
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"I'm already two hours late on this load. I try to take one shortcut, this is what I get."
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"My goddamn kid drained my phone playing Doodle Jump."
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"My goddamn wife took my charger."
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"Our dad says not till we're 18."
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"Tell them your family's from County Cork."
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"This is yours if you keep an eye on the truck."
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"Forty-third and Halsted. Bring a crowbar."
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"A great thing about hotels is that the toilets actually work."
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"- You buy watches? - Buy, trade."
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"That's 24-karat gold. Best there is. Test it, you'll see."
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"Damn Palestinians, huh?"
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"Killing our Lord and Savior?"
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"Everyone knows that was Pontius Pilate, not you."
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"- Thirty-five dollars. - Two hundred fifty."
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"And my ancestors and I take full credit for crucifying that Christ putz."
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"Mel Gibson was right!"
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"I just came over to say hello, Benny. Jesus."
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"- I'll help you cross the street. - I don't wanna cross no street."
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"- Ha, ha. - Fuck."
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"We could hang it in the garage, hack off what we need."
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"He owes me. I told his wife he was on his way..."
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"Straight shot. There's no O'Flaherty's."
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"There's no stinking way they're getting that 5 bucks now."
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"I can run out and replace whatever he took before she gets here."
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"Even released the safety."
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"What is it?"
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"Just go. I'll put everything back."
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"- No, just for one night. - Oh."
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"- Sheila? - Hold on, baby. Yeah, okay."
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"Okay. Who's a sweet boy? Come here."
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"Heh. Kidding."
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"- So you're chained to this house? - I'm not a Labrador. I like it here."
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"Yeah? Well, I've never been on a plane."
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"Oh, thank God."
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"But let's be honest. She's my last chance at happiness..."
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"...and that's more important than video games and masturbation, right?"
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"- What's all this? - Frank's bills."
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"Six hundred and eighty dollars..."
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"...at Murphy's Liquor."
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"He bought a 65-inch flat-screen? Where the hell is that?"
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"- A.B. Fischer. - The HoboBrawl guy?"
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"- I could pass. - As homeless? You? No."
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"Bills. From our creditors."
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"Never used your name."
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"Do you know how much debt your kids are in?"
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"Seventy-five hundred."
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"- I couldn't get them to raise the limit. - Plus interest."
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"I didn't cause the downfall of the American economy."
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"Smashed the first one when he was on crystal microdot."
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"Sends for his whole family, packs them in, 20 to a room."
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"You're a liberal."
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"No."
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"From now on, I am the eye in the sky."
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"Ooh!"
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"We definitely have to do that."
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"Oh, my gosh."
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"It's enough he screws up his own life. Leave us out of it."
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"He may look like he's in a boy band, but he's got a point."
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"- Just go. - You don't think I want to?"
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"I don't have a choice. I don't get to just go."
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"Order room service, take a bath, fuck with the curtains open."
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"These hobos are really going for blood."
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"That was when I worked in an office, came home to a house, closet of suits."
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"Went out of the office one morning on a smoothie run."
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"A fucking Cessna. Can you believe that?"
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"The big fire. They couldn't ID shit."
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"Where the hell am I gonna get a Cessna?"
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"- You get me? - Yeah..."
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"Make those guys who are after you think you're dead."
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"Liam!"
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"- I should call. - Everything back home is fine. This way."
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"Checking if you can see the house from here?"
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"Dig in."
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"Liam's in danger."
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"I need a man's suit. Something dark."
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"Any chance I can borrow this?"
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"I'll return it tomorrow, promise."
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"Frank? I'd have to burn it."
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"Hey, I gotta leave in five minutes."
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"Exactly."
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"- I'm gonna take six of these ones... - Just give me the, uh, horse tranquilizer."
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"Let's see."
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"Lock the door."
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"Yeah, the Bulls game was fine, but Charlie Rose was a challenge."
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"Mm. Wow."
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"Thanked me for taking you away."
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"- Gallagher? - The gun."
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"- Just what the doctor ordered. - Will you need another? I can take him."
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"- Bye. - Bye."
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"You want your eggs or not, Dad?"
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"If you stop being such a prick, I'll even make you sausage."
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"- Yo, Carl, grab those. - Let's go, let's go."
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"- Yeah, right there. - Hey. Put that right over there."
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"Right over there, Carl. Turn it around."
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"Lip borrowed a casket, Carl found some flowers."
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"You have to hurry because they'll be here any minute."
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"Anybody seen Ian?"
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"Debs, come here."
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"The important thing is you kids. Carl."
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"Carl was born in the back of the van. You weren't there."
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"- Hey, Carl, more ice. - Got it."
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"- Accident, was it? - Suicide."
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"- Aah! - I know you're faking it."
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"No, she's cute, but not really a looker."
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"Okay. Keeps his extremities."
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"- And you'll be going? - Soon as he's in the ground."
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"What? No. Why?"
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"They're gonna bury him?"
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"- We need something to put in the coffin. - All right."
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"We need more time. Can you stall them?"
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"- Fuck. - God."
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"Can you come here for a second, honey?"
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