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Clips from Shameless - Frank Gallagher: Loving Husband, Devoted Father (S01E01)

"Wanna show you something."
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"Billy Elliot cornholing the father of my children."
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"Must be big, judging from the grimace on your face."
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"Linda, I just got your message. What's up?"
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"- What about my mom? - You bastard. What about me?"
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"But no touching the forbidden fruit until I'm knocked up."
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"Fuck you."
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"Could I have your attention, please?"
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"Long trip back to Milwaukee."
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"You paid them to tell me to go away last night, didn't you?"
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"Hey, hold on. Explanation."
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"Whoo!"
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"Jesus, I'm raising five kids, and I didn't miss last week."
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"- Ugh, Carl! - Looking for Frank."
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"I don't care how you get the money. I want 6 grand by Saturday..."
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"The shoplifting is out of hand."
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"That's it. Follow me."
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"Oh, God. I can't. Stop it, make it stop."
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"This is no way to treat a veteran."
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"- If you didn't run, we'd have flushed first. - We want our 6 grand."
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"Flier for guitar lessons and a comb."
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"What do I owe you for the reach-around?"
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"- Twenty-four hours, Frank. - Ah."
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"Know what that makes tomorrow, Frank?"
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"Put Your Head in the Trash Compactor Day."
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"Got semolina, seven-grain and whole wheat."
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"Yeah? Too bad. Free toast for a week."
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"- Who wants a sandwich? - Mine with the crusts off."
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"Two a.m. Start. I don't know how Lucia does it."
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"- Hey, I got a surprise for you. - Gotta do something about that toilet."
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"- What's wrong with it? - Nothing if you don't mind squatting..."
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"...like a coolie so your ass doesn't touch the water."
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"Good for you. Who you gonna take? Sounds nice."
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"Where are the knives? Carl!"
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"- Gotta love these half-days. - Good thing public education is broke."
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"- Hey, wanna catch a movie later? - Uh..."
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"Can't. Gotta be at work by 3."
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"- Hey. - Ha, ha."
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"- You got a phone? - What, your truck break down?"
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"I'll give you 5 bucks if you let me use your phone."
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"- Just one call. - Oh, we don't have a phone."
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"Um, but you know what?"
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"There's a bar, I think, about 10 blocks that way."
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"- Ten blocks? - Maybe five. Straight shot."
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"- Five bucks? - Oh, cool. Thanks, mister."
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"Hey, hey. Make sure no one gets near it."
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"Will do."
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"Yo, Kev."
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"- So tonight. What do you think? - Like I'm going to a hotel tonight."
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"Twenty years with the ITC. Sure you wanna part with this, Eddie?"
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"It's like they come out of the womb wearing a suicide vest, am I right, ha, ha?"
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"You ask me, we should just give you guys the green light, take them all out."
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"I believe in a two-state solution."
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"Don't know why you yids get such a bad rap..."
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"...for being greedy, controlling the media..."
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"...making everyone get their dicks cut."
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"- Thirty-five dollars. - The hell? Ugh."
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"You're supposed to negotiate."
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"The phrase Jew me down only works if you take the fair price I start with..."
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"...and you slowly Jew me down to an unacceptable number."
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"You can't bottom-line some rip-off rate from the get-go."
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"- Give me a number. - Thirty-five."
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"So you want the $35 or not?"
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"Don't touch my cup, Frank."
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"Neat trick, you knowing it was me, though."
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"- Ha, ha. - I'll, uh..."
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"Jesus. I need it more than you."
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"What is this?"
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"Come on. I got them, I got them, I got them."
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"All right, I got you."
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"Are you sure that's such a good idea?"
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"Out of my way. I buried two husbands."
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"How the hell we gonna fit all of that in there?"
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"Move, move, move. Dude, move, move, move."
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"...when he was getting a hummer from some dude. Lip."
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"Don't think he detached my retina this time."
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"- Linda's gonna shit a brick. - Let me see."
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"- He took the gun? How? - I pulled it on him."
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"Wish he'd burnt the store down. Never wanted it to begin with."
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"Wanted to be a landscaper."
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"- Where's the charcoal? - Above the veggies."
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"Barbecue sauce?"
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"Got more newspapers."
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"- This expired when Bush was president. - It's supposed to age. It's fine."
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"- Wait, who's got the chain saw? - Lip."
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"- Any more Ziplocs? - You look exhausted."
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"Let's pencil that in for, say, 2023."
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"Watch Liam for me. Come on."
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"Fiona's a 'hood girl, not a debutante from Glencoe."
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"...taking a getaway."
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"What's next, coed bikini waxes and a spa day?"
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"Stop asking her what she needs. Fucking tell her."
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"- Change your mind about that movie? - Where's Mickey?"
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"Downstate, picking up our dad from prison."
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"Why?"
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"What the hell, Ian?"
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"What are you doing?"
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"What do you want?"
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"Ian!"
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"And tell him I want the gun back. Tonight."
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"Give me the money."
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"You left Liam where?"
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"He's not dry cleaning. You can't just drop him off."
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"Aah! Look after Liam? I'd love to."
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"Okay. Well, we'll have the best slumber party ever."
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"Come on, sweet boy."
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"Oh, hold on one second. Just hold on one second."
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"Oh, what a sweet baby."
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"Look at you. We're gonna have so much fun."
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"How about if we start with a bath? Okay? You like bubbles, don't you?"
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"- Not a chance. - What's the problem? You go out."
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"No."
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"- Sure. - Yeah, have a great time."
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"- Thirty-seven. - It really doesn't have to be like this."
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"Which part? The part where my mom splits?"
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"The part where you feel like the world will stop spinning if you take a night off."
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"Put your mask on, Fiona."
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"- Frank here? - Only when there's a check coming."
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"- Who are you? - I'm his friend Kermit."
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"Frank doesn't have friends, only people he hasn't pissed off yet."
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