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Clips from 30 Rock - Hogcock!/Last Lunch (S07E07)

"'cause I gotta go smack that woman in the face!"
30 Rock
"Criss... you're here to fight me!"
30 Rock
"I'm the original poster!"
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"Oh, my God! Since when do you listen to T.I.?!"
30 Rock
"That message board is for moms. I thought you were a lady."
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"- Chros, what are you doing here? - I don't know."
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"I just hate being at work. Sitting at a desk makes me crazy."
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"I keep getting up and getting coffee. Now I'm all jittery and weird --"
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"Bird!"
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"And this mom came in with her kids to see Dr. Emily,"
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"and I was jealous of her."
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"Her kids were so bored, I just wanted to jump over that divider"
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"and play waiting games with them, like Carpet Adventure!"
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"Yeah, so, I hate work, and evidently you miss it."
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"Oh, my God. If you were a dude, you would not even be thinking that."
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"It's okay to want to work. One of us has to."
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"We just got it backwards."
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"Exactly! I should be the one staying at home."
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"You should be in an office."
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"So, pitch something to Kenneth, like -- I don't know --"
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"a show about a dentist's office, where the sassy hygienist"
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"says things like, I'm turning 30... again."
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"I will miss Tyrell."
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"You know, that's exactly the kind of garbage that Kenneth is looking for."
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"And, for the sake of my family, I'm gonna give it to him."
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"Damn it, why did I get such a loud pacemaker?!"
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"Tray, Kenneth is not coming."
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"You think I don't know that?!"
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"When I went up to Ken's office earlier,"
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"I saw his schedule on his assistant's pornography box."
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"He doesn't have meetings. He's avoiding me!"
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"Put yourself in Kenneth's shoes."
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"I can't! He's not here! Stop torturing me!"
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"He's running the network."
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"He doesn't need you asking him for stuff."
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"Whatever it is you need, we can do it."
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"Unless you need us to hate the new Taylor Swift album."
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"That girl has feelings."
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"You're wrong, Dot Com! What I need, only Kenneth can do!"
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"Just fine!"
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"Oh, that's not a thing."
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"Neither is talking two Catholic beauties"
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"Oh, thank you, you two, for blowing my brains."
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"Well, if you have to ask the question --"
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"Look at the Wheel!"
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"- Well, then, smile, Mr. Donaghy! - I am!"
30 Rock
"Jack, you are gonna love this, you magnificent bastard!"
30 Rock
"Someone leaked your new salary."
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"Occupy Wall Street is having a conniption!"
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"- Really? - They burned you in effigy!"
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"The hair went up like a Roman candle!"
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"And the Democrats, they don't even know what to do with themselves!"
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"Just look at this jackass."
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"Jack Donaghy is an economic war criminal."
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"I would see to it that he was punished in the worst way possible --"
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"God, I feel like I have a macropenis right now!"
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"Ms. Lemon, how funny!"
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"I was planning to call you, and now here you are!"
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"Now, about our conversation earlier --"
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"Yes, about that."
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"You know, I've been thinking, and you were right."
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"America wants to see..."
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"John Hardly."
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"I'm so sorry, pass."
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"But I do have something you'd be perfect for."
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"One last chance for TGS to make America say, What? Why?"
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"What are you talking about?"
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"contains some rather unusual clauses."
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"And I don't mean those two Santas I saw kissing on the subway."
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"If fewer than 150 episodes of 'TGS' are produced in total,"
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"Mr. Jordan shall be paid a penalty of $30 million."
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"So?"
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"Ms. Lemon, TGS has done 149 shows."
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"So we're gonna need you to go ahead and do one more."
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"I need a job, Kenneth, not one more episode of TGS."
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"You are contractually required to write and produce"
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"all episodes of TGS."
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"So, see you tomorrow?"
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"Wow. You've really changed, Kenneth."
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"I don't think so. You look nice today!"
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"Shut your chin slit."
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"Yes' ma'am!"
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"Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport."
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"Follow yellow signs to baggage claim and ground transportation."
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"Shut it down."
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"Why didn't you return any of my calls?!"
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"I'm Tracy Jordan! I don't answer phones!"
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"Kenneth, you once made a promise"
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"that you would always be there for me."
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"Good, 'cause I need you to do something for me."
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"Of course. Just name it!"
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"Sir?"
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"And I'm not talking about my gout."
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"So, like the snakes I kept in my dressing room,"
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"Mr. Jordan..."
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"I think I'm gonna need a tissue."
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"Am I supposed to drop this on the floor?"
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"my car ran out of gas on the Long Island Expressway."
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"Yes, sir."
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"Okay, Jack, I need a job. I'm looking for six figures --"
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"eight if you're counting cents, which I fell for once before."
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"Not cool, The Gap!"
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"I resigned as CEO of Kabletown an hour ago."
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"I got the job, I pissed off my enemies --"
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"No-no-no, no, no! Eyes off the window!"
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"Focus on Lemon. What am I gonna do now?"
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"I could try and help you --"
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"make some calls and see what bridges I haven't burned --"
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"for your own good."
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"And anyone who tells you differently is a fool."
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"Are you kidding me?!"
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"What have we been talking about for the last seven years?!"
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"For the first time in my life, I don't know what I need."
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"Oh, my God."
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"This whole time you've been telling me how to run my life,"
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"Careful, Lemon. You're playing with fire."
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"When I met you, I was perfectly happy with what I had --"
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"eating night cheese and transitioning my pajamas into daywear."
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"You're the one who told me to want more."
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"And now, when I need you most, you are bailing on me?!"
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