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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Accidental Text on Purpose (S09E09)

"We hit it off at baggage claim."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"You hit it off at baggage claim."
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"- What a beautiful story. - Nathan: Yeah."
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"I didn't send you a text."
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you know you did."
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"- Larry David. - David. The Ds."
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"- Yeah, yeah. - They're very close, they..."
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"Yeah, it was an accident, Larry. Trust me, please."
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"I would be remiss if I didn't inquire about your condition."
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"- Mmm. - But today, I'm doing good, thank you."
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"Are you sure you have a bladder condition?"
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"Okay."
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"- Come on, Bebe. - Yeah."
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"- ( glass clinking ) - Man: Welcome, everyone."
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"Tip McDougal's 25 years on the links."
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"- ( applause ) - We're gonna start in just a couple minutes,"
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"- Hey, everyone. - Hey!"
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"So, what the fuck with the penis on your car?"
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"Susie: Hi, Richie."
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"- Where's Rhonda? - She left."
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"Huh. You did the premature girlfriend."
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"You can't say "girlfriend""
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"until you've dated somebody 12, 15 times."
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"Yeah. Marilyn, am I right? It's gotta be..."
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"Yeah, yeah. Ah."
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"Hey, Funk Man, would you, uh-- would you mind passing the bread this way?"
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"Would you mind asking Marty to pass the bread?"
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"Marty, please pass me the bread. I'm famished."
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"from the no-talking rule that you've imposed?"
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"- No. - Just for tonight so we can all have some fun."
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"- No. - We're at the same table--"
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"Exemption denied."
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"( muffled ) This is really a blast."
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"I gotta pack. San Francisco."
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"And Jeff's driving me to the airport, you know."
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"- ( sighs ) - Think I was gonna buy that bullshit accidental text?"
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"( mocking ) "Oh, I love my wife so much"
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"and-- and I'll miss the football game.""
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"What-- what is an accidental text on purpose?"
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"You send somebody a text,"
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"pretending it to be to somebody else"
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"so they think they're reading a private text."
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"But, really, what they're trying to do"
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"is give you the information"
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"Oh..."
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"You did. That was a bullshit text."
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"Marty: I-- I don't remember that."
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"Do you like my water?"
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"Do you like my water?"
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"I can't stand your water."
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"I can't stand the smell, I can't stand the color,"
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"I can't take it anymore!"
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"that could hold on to a woman."
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"- ( applause ) - Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight"
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"to honor Tip McDougal and his lovely wife, Nancy."
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"( chuckles ) We're losing a beloved member of the Ocean View family."
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"- All: Aw. - Tip, we'll miss you."
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"But in retirement, maybe Tip will finally be able to play some golf."
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"and some rough ones, too."
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"Larry, I hate to even bother you with this, but I'm on in two minutes."
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"This guy just took my joke. Can you help me out?"
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"What are you talking about? This is a comedy emergency."
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"- I'm off duty. - Why won't you help me?"
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"You didn't heed the call on the plane."
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"You welched on a $200 bet."
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"Yeah, go back to your table. Get out. Go back."
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"You've been drinking water all night,"
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"haven't made one trip to the bathroom."
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"Not one trip. I've been clocking you."
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"Yeah, you have a condition, all right."
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"You're a psychopath who uses a weak bladder to take advantage of people."
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"But first, the funniest doc on the links,"
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"- Dr. Nathan Winocur. - ( cheering, applause )"
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"Hey. It's Dave."
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"- How are you? - Yeah, yeah, good, good."
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"It's really good to see you here, Larry."
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"Yeah. I love the car wash."
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"- Oh, my God, yeah. - Right?"
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"It's just endlessly fascinating, you know?"
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"It comes down on a conveyer,"
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"the brushes, the water."
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"- You feel like you wanna go through it. - That's right."
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"- You know? - That's exactly right."
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"I look at a dirty car, Larry, and I feel sorry for it."
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"It's almost like it's screaming out,"
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"- Good to see you, Larry. - Yeah."
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"( theme music playing )"
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"Namaste means "the light within me greets the light within you.""
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"There is no light within me. That's the only problem there."
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"Uber says you're a one, buddy."
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"-if I could set her up with you. -She good looking?"
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"-Bridgette? Beautiful. -Really?"
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"-Inner beauty. -That I'm not interested in."
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"from man or bird."
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"Believe him, Nejim. He means it."
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"He said he'd kill me."
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"( rustling )"
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"Pollack: Get him, Mustafa."
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"Hey, hold that door! Hold that door!"
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"but once the door closes, that's it."
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"Federal regulations."
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""Arabesque," with Sophia Loren and Gregory Peck."
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"- Mm-hmm. - Please let me in here."
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"It's so ridiculous. There's the plane right there."
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"Wha-- are you a magician?"
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"- No, but the door is locked. - I see the plane."
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"If you're doing a trick, it's not a good trick."
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"You're not doing unto others as you would have others do unto you."
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"Golden rule trumps everything."
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"- First class? - No, but it's an aisle seat,"
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"which is kind of a miracle."
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"So you do have a little time"
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"to enjoy our amazing mall here."
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"- We have a Wetzel's Pretzels... - A Wetzel's Pretzels."
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"- I can't wait to chomp into one of those Wetzel's Pretzels. - They're delicious."
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"- Good afternoon. Welcome aboard. - Hi."
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"11C-- straight down and on the right, sir."
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"Are there any first-class seats open?"
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"Straight down, right-hand side."
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"you let me know, okay?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
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