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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Accidental Text on Purpose (S09E09)

"( theme music playing )"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"No hanky-panky, Mr. Beshraavi,"
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"( zipping luggage )"
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"( door opens )"
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"- ( chatter over PA ) - Flight 3-- what? Hold the door!"
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"- Oh, I'm so sorry. - That's my flight to Los Angeles!"
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"- Look, I made the plane, I'm here! - You were so close..."
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"- What?! - ...but unfortunately, the door is locked and closed."
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"- You're not letting me on the plane? - I know it's frustrating,"
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"But, really, it's as if the plane's not there."
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"It doesn't seem like it. You're not golden-ruling it."
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"Unfortunately, the golden rule is not a federal regulation."
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"Good news-- we do have one seat left"
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"on the next available flight."
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"No, it's a full flight, sir."
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"Look, there's an empty seat over here."
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"- Hello. - If somebody doesn't show up, though,"
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"And, you know, we can work something out."
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"This is filled up. I'm using this."
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"It's the Wild West, okay, so."
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"( grunting )"
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"- Nathan Winocur. - Hey, Doctor."
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"That's right. We should play a round."
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"I know, but nobody's sitting there."
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"Could you give me, like, a personal upgrade,"
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"where I have to-- my bladder's really overactive."
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"I have a bladder condition,"
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"and you would want to switch to the middle?"
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"I can't switch seats with you."
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"Just wanna see where the bathrooms are so I know,"
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"You're welcome."
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"Oh, come on."
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"( sniffles )"
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"No."
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"Attendant: Sir, if I could just have you open your eyes"
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"Attendant: Now, sir, are you currently..."
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"( scoffs )"
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"Excuse me."
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"( groans ) Okay."
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"Ow!"
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"She's got a medical condition."
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"- Thank you. - ( chuckles )"
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"Nice to be home. Is that your handiwork?"
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"I assume it's a guy. A woman wouldn't do something like that."
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"Ladies bust windows out and slash tires"
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"and key your car and shit."
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"- ( chuckles ) I like that shit. - Huh?"
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"You like that? See the comma after "no"?"
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"- Yeah. - I like that shit."
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"Hey, did you ever see this movie "Arabesque"?"
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"No, no. It's an old movie with Sophia Loren."
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"He did not heed the call!"
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"than a slow Funkhouser, I'll tell you that."
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"Hey, Lar, did I tell you that we hired a decorator for the new house?"
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"I'm going up to meet her Sunday in San Francisco."
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"Jeff, you're taking me to the airport, 1:00."
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"- Airport-- oh, God. - Why does he have to take you to the airport?"
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"You're not going to India. You're going to San Francisco!"
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"See you off? You'll be back that night."
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"- ( chuckles ) Oh, yeah. - ...with no girlfriend, no wife."
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"- Jeff, do you want to? - No."
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"- Well, you're going to. - You know why you're doing this?"
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"- Why, Larry? - Because you wanna ruin his day, that's why."
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"- I really like your friends. - They're very lovely people."
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"Okay!"
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"- Yeah, all right. - Susie: Yay, yay."
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"- Jeff: Yeah! - I like it."
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"What the fuck?"
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"I doubt it. No."
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"How many dates have you been on?"
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"Honey's way down the line."
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"I know what you're trying to do,"
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"- You're blowing this way out of proportion. - Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"- I think you made a big mistake. - Everything is cool, man."
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"thank you for a delicious dinner."
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"- Marty: Health, happiness. - So nice to meet you."
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"Because it's a custom that people do,"
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"You know, you pick up a knife like this, a steak knife,"
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"You pick up a tennis ball, you wanna throw it."
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"you wanna stab, do you not?"
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"- Richard: Get out of here. - Yeah, a stabbing range where you can stab--"
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"The knife-- do you feel like stabbing somebody?"
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"- Thank you. - It really is."
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"Woman: Yeah, I can never get my potatoes like that."
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"Larry: No filter?"
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"You don't really modulate your inner feelings at all, do you?"
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"Goldfish would commit suicide in this water."
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"You're like Fred MacMurray in "The Caine Mutiny""
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"when he and Van Johnson go to see the admiral,"
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"That's a movie, this is real life."
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"In real life, you're polite to your hostess."
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"There's a hostess, and you have..."
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"( slurping )"
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"- Marilyn: Yeah, I think... - You're kicking me out?"
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"I leave my knife"
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"and I bid you adieu."
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"Blow me, bald fuck!"
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"You're done."
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"What ever comes good after "we need to talk"?"
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"- Nothing. - You ever hear this? "We need to talk."
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"- No. No. - That's not gonna happen."
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"And what would that mean to her?"
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"- So, I just call everybody honey? - You call everybody honey."
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"- Oh, boy. - Larry, I didn't know you were gonna be here."
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"Uh, well, I wasn't planning on staying that long,"
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"Oh, just I'm free on Friday night now"
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"Then we'll have just one car."
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"- Uh, yeah. - Great!"
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"Call me anytime. Seriously, stop by."
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
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"Do you want me to leave any money for this?"
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"- Gotta take Susie to the airport. - ( scoffs )"
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"She's ridiculous!"
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"- All right, I got an idea. - What?"
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"but I'm taking Susie to the airport."
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"- ...and how much I love her. - Yeah."
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"- What's your handicap? - 10."
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"- What are you? - 15."
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"I pick up a knife, I have an urge to stab."
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"How could you not comment on water that's so bad?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
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