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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Accidental Text on Purpose (S09E09)

"- Where do you work? - Uh, I work at Neiman Marcus."
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"- Is that so? - Yeah."
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"- Huh. - I am a sales professional on the men's floor."
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"If you ever want any help, let me know."
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"Now that you mention it,"
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"I could actually use a couple of pairs of pants."
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"- I'm going to. - Great, give him my number."
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"- Larry, it's great to see you. - Good to see you again."
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"- Vey good to see you, Larry. - Always a pleasure."
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"- Are you taking care of it? Okay. - It's all right."
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"- It's all right. - He's a good guy."
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"Anything you want, honey."
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"( phone chimes )"
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"Oh."
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"You wanna go to the Rams game on Sunday with Rob?"
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"He's got extra tickets."
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"I'd love to go to the Rams game on Sunday."
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"Accidental text on purpose."
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"Please explain."
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"You're sending a text to me,"
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"but it goes to her "by accident.""
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"- Uh-huh. - And in the text, you say,"
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""Hey, LD, I'd love to go to the game,"
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"I don't wanna disappoint her."
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"- And it goes to her... - It goes to her."
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"- ...but it was meant to you. - Meant to me!"
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"- Saying how great Susie is... - How great Susie is."
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"You, sir, are an amazing man."
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"- I am texting Susie right now. - Oh, here they are."
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"- Larry, Jeff. - Hello."
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"- Thanks for letting me join you guys. - Sure."
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"- Yeah. - You should see this guy on the range."
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"We should make it interesting, play for some cheddar."
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"- Sure. - Yeah? 200?"
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"- Okay, you're on. - Great."
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"But it's a stupid thing to say at a dinner table."
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"And then you made such a deal over the goddamn filter."
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"- Terrible water. - But you didn't have to say anything about it."
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"Okay, I've done everything I can to get her back."
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"I sent her flowers-- boom-- shredded on my doorstep."
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"- Oh! - Oh!"
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"- Accidental text on purpose! - Accidental text. Oh, my God."
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"- Tell him. - Okay, here's what you do."
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"And in the text, you say something like,"
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""Hey, Larry, you were an asshole the other night."
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"Say anything you want. Curse me, anything. I don't care."
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"- Yeah. - You're brilliant."
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"- Thank you, thank you. - Right, right?!"
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"Jeff: He already did it for me."
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""Dear Larry...""
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""Larry, you were so out of line"
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"the other night about the water.""
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"- Yes! - "If Marilyn didn't throw you out, I would've.""
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"Damn it!"
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"Jeff: All right, there we go."
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"- Larry: Oh, that's nice. - Marty: Here it comes."
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"- Jeff: All right. - Hey, where do you lie?"
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"Uh, four."
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"She texted me right back."
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"I know this is not meant for me."
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"- Unbelievable. - Huh?"
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"- Brilliant! - Get the flag, Jeff?"
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"Yep."
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"Well, you're playing great today."
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"No, I'm having a bad day."
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"Oh!"
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"- Oh, my God. - Oh, guys, I hate to do this."
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"I got a medical emergency. I gotta get to Cedars."
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"- We only have three more holes. - No, we got a medical emergency here."
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"Wait, wait. What are you talking about?"
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"You owe me $200. Pay up."
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"It's an emergency. I'm a doctor."
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"You weren't a doctor on the plane."
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"I gotta go. A patient needs me."
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"Oh, boy, you're down three with three to play."
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"You know what that is?"
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"Selective heeding, that's what that is!"
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"You didn't get any text anyway."
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"It was all bullshit!"
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"- Enigma? - What the fuck?!"
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"- Jesus Christ! - God!"
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"- Crazy! - ( huffs )"
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"...out of nowhere, right in my face, spritzing me."
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"You know what, they'll usually go away, though,"
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"Here, do you like this color?"
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"- Yeah, yeah, that's good. - Yeah."
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"- All right, let's try these. - Okay."
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"Well, thank you for saying so."
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"It's hard to, you know, get in front of a group"
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"and-- and say what everyone's thinking when it's uncomfortable."
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"You know, I had no problem."
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"Now, I got you 32 and 30."
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"- Okay. - What do you wanna start with?"
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"- Here's the 32. - These look very nice, yeah."
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"All right."
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"Oh, okay."
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"( music playing )"
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"- Look who's here. - Hey."
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"Look at this."
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"My lace just broke."
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"You-- and you know what, there's no extra laces in the house."
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"- They stock up on canned food. - Hey, we got a problem."
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"What do you mean of course you did?"
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"You don't push a spritzer lady!"
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"You're out of your fucking mind!"
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"It's a violation! You don't just go up to people"
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"and spritz them in the face like that."
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"It's a violation."
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"Marilyn is not happy with you."
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"You know what I gotta do now?"
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"I gotta go through and rewind--"
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"Let's hold on to that thought for a minute, okay?"
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"I think I could fix this."
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"Will you listen to me, please?"
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"...and you just do this."
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"Marilyn said to me"
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"I have to make a choice."
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"It's either Larry David or Marilyn."
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"She gave you an ultimatum?"
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"An ultimatum."
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