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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Carl's Funeral (S01E01)

"Yes. Yes."
Schitt's Creek
"No..."
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"Oh... That's Bob."
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"and he asked me to ask you if you'd be willing to um..."
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"- Honey? You know, my back. - What?"
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"And his arms are so weak. Little muscles like corn nuts."
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"I don't know what we're gonna tell Bob."
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"But that's okay because at least you're somewhere,"
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"And when does there become here?"
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"Ooh, wow. Ugh."
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"And I him. Yeah."
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"Well, the thing, uh, the thing is, uh, Bob,"
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"I mean, I'm good one on one,"
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"They're like really scummy. Like... very skaggy people,"
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"that hasn't been taken away from them yet."
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"Imagine being related to them."
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"The baby's relatively normal looking."
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"Hmm. Wait, so you're related to Carl?"
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"Oh... it smells so fresh!"
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"Isn't that right, Fifey?"
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"I just-I haven't um... been... I haven't-I don't-"
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"The man was weeping. What was I supposed to do?"
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"so I just stood up and sang "Danny Boy.""
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"Hey, the little guy is looking at us."
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"Um... maybe we could invite it to... go? Go away."
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"Okay, the... the big one is sniffing the diaper."
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"Pass the chips!"
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"- Hey! - Excuse me!"
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"I don't wanna be invited to this one."
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"I need you to turn-mm."
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"Oh, sleep? Well, you know who's sleeping forever, bud?"
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"- Okay, thank you. If you could just turn it.. - Are we out of mix?"
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"You smell... very flammable right now."
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"Yes, I'm sure..."
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"- Yes! - Yeah."
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"Listen, we have some good seats down front."
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"Sadly, um, I threw most of the broken glass you see here."
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"They told you?"
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"You were barely clinging to consciousness."
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"- Mm-mm. - Good."
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"Thank you for that, Shannon."
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"Thank you... minister."
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"What a terrible thing death is..."
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"A good sweater I'm told."
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"am I right, Bob?"
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"where he was born where he lived,"
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"At a bar?!"
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"I'm here to talk about the misery of our lives here"
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"♪ Oh, Danny boy, ♪"
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"♪ but God... ♪"
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"if, earlier, I wasn't sensitive to your animal issues."
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"Well, I am dating a vet. I should've known that..."
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"And I only take in the slutty ones, so..."
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"I just... I didn't know what to do"
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"and they have a very strict no pets allowed policy."
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""Assholes' R 'Us"."
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"We need to go! We need to go!"
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"I don't see it... I don't see it."
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"- Let me see it- - Shhh..."
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"She's not dead, but..."
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"Please?"
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""Opening your heart to animals: A guide to the benefits"
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"of caring for something other than yourself.""
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"It's a very specific book."
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"You might wanna check out page 37."
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"Is it a credit card?"
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"No. It's a room key..."
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"To the premium king suite"
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"at the Holiday Inn Express in Elmdale,"
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"Well... it just so happens"
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"that I have packed my overnight bag."
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"- Hmm. - Come here."
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"- No. Thank you! - Thank you."
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"- Thank you! - Thank you."
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"Thank you!"
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"You know where I got my hat, brah?"
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"Where?"
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"Oh! Ow!"
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"Oh! Oh my God."
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"Oh my God! We need to go."
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"My hat.. I'm wearing it."
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"I'm wearing it..."
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""Oh, God, what if die here?""
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"Mm. That was not lost on anyone."
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"Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches"
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"and make a gracious French exit."
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"Good idea."
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"Moira! Your "Danny Boy"... What a voice."
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"- Oh, thank you. - Yeah."
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"I-I'd really like you to sing at my cousin's funeral."
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"She's been coughing a lot lately."
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"Moira, before they close the coffin,"
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"One more chorus for Carl?"
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"Take your time, honey."
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"♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh... ♪"
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"♪ Oh... ♪"
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"♪ Danny... ♪"
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"♪ Boy... ♪"
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"♪ The pipes, the pipes are... ♪"
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"♪ Call-all-all-ling... ♪"
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"It's our annual"
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"Hawaiian night."
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"Pineapples, pig on the spit,"
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"the whole nine yards."
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"Oh, you, uh, roast pig?"
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"We do!"
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"So, who's pig do we have to"
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"slaughter to get an invite?"
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"Hi, Johnny. Can we come in for a moment?"
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"Thank you. Hello."
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"Oh, hi."
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"Is everything okay?"
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"We've got some sad news."
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"Uh... someone very close has died."
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"- Sorry. - Oh..."
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"You remember Bob?"
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"You broke into his cabin and had sex"
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"while he and his wife were in the next room."
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"Yeah, Bob, who was on the town council."
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"He's on the town council, yeah... Oh, Bob died?"
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