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Clips from Ted Lasso - Pilot (S01E01)

"See, I'm fine when there's no bubbles. You know, I can do that all day."
Ted Lasso
"Okay. You know, I'd love to say hi to the team, if I can."
Ted Lasso
"Can't keep a gaffer from his pitch."
Ted Lasso
"You can say that again. Okay."
Ted Lasso
"I am 0 for 2 in that sentence."
Ted Lasso
"Ms. Welton, I was a bit skeptical,"
Ted Lasso
"He's an absolute wanker."
Ted Lasso
"I know."
Ted Lasso
"Pardon?"
Ted Lasso
"I hope he fails miserably."
Ted Lasso
"I want him to feel like he's being fucked in the ass with a splintered cricket bat."
Ted Lasso
"Like a GIF."
Ted Lasso
"endless."
Ted Lasso
"Though some people pronounce it "JIF.""
Ted Lasso
"Okay, let me use it in a sentence, so it sticks."
Ted Lasso
"The "gaffer"-- me--"
Ted Lasso
"-is going out to the "pitch"-- -Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"...the grass here-- to watch practice."
Ted Lasso
""Training." They call practice "training.""
Ted Lasso
"You know what? I'm gonna get it though. 'Cause training makes perfect."
Ted Lasso
"There you go."
Ted Lasso
"There's our man."
Ted Lasso
"Jesus, Mary and fuckface Joseph!"
Ted Lasso
"Eyes on the man you're marking! Come on!"
Ted Lasso
"-Who is that? -Roy Kent."
Ted Lasso
"Team captain. Classic old-school box-to-box midfielder."
Ted Lasso
"-Definitely lost a step. -But, you know, he's a legend."
Ted Lasso
"Won a Champions League with Chelsea, so..."
Ted Lasso
"-Eight years ago. -Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Oh, God, what?"
Ted Lasso
"That is a darn fine sports mix, young fella."
Ted Lasso
"Coach, you try this?"
Ted Lasso
"That does not come lightly from that fella, I'll tell you that."
Ted Lasso
"You remembered my name."
Ted Lasso
"Holy smokes! Did you see that?"
Ted Lasso
"That fella looked like a kitty cat when it gets spooked by a cucumber."
Ted Lasso
"-Who the heck is that? -Jamie Tartt."
Ted Lasso
"Top scorer on the team."
Ted Lasso
"Fuck off."
Ted Lasso
"-Nate, what's he like? -Who, Jamie?"
Ted Lasso
"He's great."
Ted Lasso
"You know, at football."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, I know fellas like that."
Ted Lasso
"Nigeria? Like Africa?"
Ted Lasso
"So these fellas are from all over the place?"
Ted Lasso
"I'm open, boyo."
Ted Lasso
"I mean, he must be from England, yeah?"
Ted Lasso
"-Wales. -Is that another country?"
Ted Lasso
"-Yes and no. -How many countries are in this country?"
Ted Lasso
"-Four. -Four."
Ted Lasso
"Right."
Ted Lasso
"I do love a locker room."
Ted Lasso
"And am I getting notes of Axe body spray?"
Ted Lasso
"Spot on, Coach."
Ted Lasso
"But I think they call it something else here."
Ted Lasso
"Lynx."
Ted Lasso
"Come here. Look at your face. Look at your face."
Ted Lasso
"they were going head-to-head with Roy Scheider."
Ted Lasso
"-Jaws? -No, All That Jazz."
Ted Lasso
"I'm gonna say something. Howdy, fellas."
Ted Lasso
"I know we don't officially start quite yet,"
Ted Lasso
"let you know how excited we are to be here--"
Ted Lasso
"Knock, knock."
Ted Lasso
"Is everyone in here decent?"
Ted Lasso
"Boys, that's disappointing."
Ted Lasso
"Oh, shit. Am I interrupting you?"
Ted Lasso
"No, no, that's okay. How can I help you?"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah. Sorry, Coach."
Ted Lasso
"She made me an appointment. I'm getting waxed."
Ted Lasso
"It's more for the fans than it is for me."
Ted Lasso
"Score a goal, gotta take my shirt off."
Ted Lasso
"Sweetheart."
Ted Lasso
"No, that's okay."
Ted Lasso
"All right, cheers."
Ted Lasso
"-Yeah. -There you go."
Ted Lasso
"All right, kid, after you."
Ted Lasso
"You're gonna be a gentleman now, are you?"
Ted Lasso
"No, babe. Just gonna watch your ass."
Ted Lasso
"Fuck off."
Ted Lasso
"Watch it and weep."
Ted Lasso
"Anyhoo, thank you for your time."
Ted Lasso
"Coach. You gotta stay up."
Ted Lasso
"Come on, man. Don't be a sleep cop."
Ted Lasso
"Roy! Hey, Roy!"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah? What do you want?"
Ted Lasso
"It was real fun watching you out there today."
Ted Lasso
"You know, the boys really respond to you."
Ted Lasso
"It doesn't surprise me though. You've had a heck of a career."
Ted Lasso
"Thank you."
Ted Lasso
"Never thought it would end being coached by Ronald fucking McDonald."
Ted Lasso
"You gonna let him call you that?"
Ted Lasso
"I don't think he was referring to me."
Ted Lasso
"He thinks he's mad now, wait till we win him over."
Ted Lasso
"He'll be furious."
Ted Lasso
"You got any tape?"
Ted Lasso
"Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Are you all right?"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm fine."
Ted Lasso
"I shouldn't laugh."
Ted Lasso
"It's okay."
Ted Lasso
"Nice, yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Though, I believe it's crooked."
Ted Lasso
"Now here I am thinking it was the room that was all outta whack."
Ted Lasso
"But you know what? I think you're right."
Ted Lasso
"What you doing back here? Where's Jamie?"
Ted Lasso
"He left his phone in his locker."
Ted Lasso
"Why didn't he come get it?"
Ted Lasso
"He's still getting waxed. He's surprisingly furry."
Ted Lasso
"The hair was, like, growing back while she was doing it."
Ted Lasso
"-Come on, now. -May I?"
Ted Lasso
"-Yeah, yeah. Help yourself. -Thanks."
Ted Lasso
"Lower it down on that side."
Ted Lasso
"Great."
Ted Lasso
"Keep going. Little bit."
Ted Lasso
"Teeny bit more."
Ted Lasso
"Stop! That's perfect."
Ted Lasso
"-I'm Keeley, by the way. -Yeah. Hey, I'm Ted Lasso."
Ted Lasso
"No, I know. You're trending hard on Twitter right now."
Ted Lasso
"How 'bout that."
Ted Lasso
"I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me."
Ted Lasso
"Well, I hope you never run into Biz Markie."
Ted Lasso
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