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Clips from Ted Lasso - Pilot (S01E01)

"This here is Coach Beard."
Ted Lasso
"It is so good to finally meet you both face-to-face."
Ted Lasso
"Higgins?"
Ted Lasso
"Sorry. This is Higgins, our current director of communications."
Ted Lasso
"Current?"
Ted Lasso
"Could you take Coach Beard and get him their IDs, housing information..."
Ted Lasso
"You know, anything they need."
Ted Lasso
"-Wi-Fi password, wet wipes. -Humidifier. Way ahead of you, Coach."
Ted Lasso
"Thank you."
Ted Lasso
"-Please, take a seat. -Okay."
Ted Lasso
"-Can I get you something to drink? -Yes, please."
Ted Lasso
"Didn't get much sleep on the plane, so anything you got,"
Ted Lasso
"a little boost of caffeine, should do the trick."
Ted Lasso
"You know, mochaccino, Frappuccino..."
Ted Lasso
"Any coffee thing, as long as I can't taste a hint of coffee, is good."
Ted Lasso
"Well, usually I take it right back to the counter"
Ted Lasso
"'cause someone's made a horrible mistake. But..."
Ted Lasso
"when in Rome, right?"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah. Look at that. Okay."
Ted Lasso
"Well?"
Ted Lasso
"You know, I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water."
Ted Lasso
"And you know what?"
Ted Lasso
"I was right. Yeah, it's horrible. No, thank you."
Ted Lasso
"Welcome to England."
Ted Lasso
"-I'd love to see Abbey Road. -Of the club."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, let's start there."
Ted Lasso
"So, this hall represents the club's long, albeit modest, history."
Ted Lasso
"During the war, our stadium was used as a makeshift hospital."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, some of the locals claim"
Ted Lasso
"they still see fallen soldiers wandering around the pitch."
Ted Lasso
"That's spooky."
Ted Lasso
"Okay."
Ted Lasso
"And this is a wall of our previous owners."
Ted Lasso
"How 'bout the girls and the champagne and everything?"
Ted Lasso
"He looks like a good time."
Ted Lasso
"That's my ex-husband."
Ted Lasso
"Well, good times aren't always a good time, I've found."
Ted Lasso
"You know, I heard about all that."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, hasn't been the easiest year."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"No, after a couple nights' good sleep, I'll be happy to do so."
Ted Lasso
"I'm so sorry. I thought you knew. They're ready for you now."
Ted Lasso
"They're what?"
Ted Lasso
"So, without further ado,"
Ted Lasso
"the new manager of AFC Richmond, Ted Lasso!"
Ted Lasso
"Oluwa Ted, yo."
Ted Lasso
"Look, our coach."
Ted Lasso
"Oi!"
Ted Lasso
"If I don't hear silence, I'm gonna start punching dicks."
Ted Lasso
"One sec. Let me just-- Throat got a little dry."
Ted Lasso
"Look at this twat!"
Ted Lasso
"Fucking Yank!"
Ted Lasso
"Okay. So, hey."
Ted Lasso
"Why don't we just jump right in? Anybody got any questions?"
Ted Lasso
"Oh, yeah, no. Should've saw that coming."
Ted Lasso
"Real quick--"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"How about I go ahead and address"
Ted Lasso
"the larger-than-average elephant in the room."
Ted Lasso
"No, I have never coached the sport that you folks call football at any level."
Ted Lasso
"Jesus."
Ted Lasso
"What?"
Ted Lasso
"Heck, you could fill two Internets with what I don't know about football."
Ted Lasso
"But I'll tell you what I do know."
Ted Lasso
"I know that AFC Richmond, like any team I've ever coached,"
Ted Lasso
"is gonna go out there and give you everything they got"
Ted Lasso
"-for all four quarters. -Halves."
Ted Lasso
"Right. Sorry. Halves, yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Or tie."
Ted Lasso
"'Cause back where I'm from, you try to end a game in a tie,"
Ted Lasso
"well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse."
Ted Lasso
"Now, look here. I respect what you folks in the media do."
Ted Lasso
"And my door is always gonna be open."
Ted Lasso
"All right? You can ask me anything. No topic will be into touch."
Ted Lasso
"How about the fellow right there in the second row."
Ted Lasso
"I like your glasses."
Ted Lasso
"Thank you."
Ted Lasso
"Trent Crimm, The Independent."
Ted Lasso
"I just wanna make sure I have this right."
Ted Lasso
"You're an American who's never set foot in England,"
Ted Lasso
"whose athletic success has only come at the amateur level--"
Ted Lasso
"a second-tier one at that--"
Ted Lasso
"and is now being charged with the leadership"
Ted Lasso
"of a Premier League football club,"
Ted Lasso
"despite clearly possessing very little knowledge of the game."
Ted Lasso
"You got a question in there, Trent?"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Is this a fucking joke?"
Ted Lasso
"-Thank you, Trent! -I love journalists."
Ted Lasso
"I mean, can you even name any footballers?"
Ted Lasso
"Do you know how many games are in a Premiership season?"
Ted Lasso
"Nobody can understand you."
Ted Lasso
"What's a goalie?"
Ted Lasso
"You need to go back to America."
Ted Lasso
"The bubbles!"
Ted Lasso
"Fucking hell!"
Ted Lasso
"Coach Lasso."
Ted Lasso
"Good Lord. You must forgive my fellow countrymen."
Ted Lasso
"Somewhere over the last few years,"
Ted Lasso
"we seem to have abandoned all sense of manners and hospitality."
Ted Lasso
"My, my, aren't you a salty bunch?"
Ted Lasso
"But I can't remember the last time the press room was this full."
Ted Lasso
"Yet here you all are."
Ted Lasso
"Maybe you're not such a mad notion after all."
Ted Lasso
"And despite the number of you here,"
Ted Lasso
"there is not a single person in this room"
Ted Lasso
"who has seen Richmond play more than I have."
Ted Lasso
"And in all those years under the stewardship of the previous owner,"
Ted Lasso
"I've witnessed nothing but profound mediocrity."
Ted Lasso
"Am I wrong?"
Ted Lasso
"a trophy from this millennium."
Ted Lasso
"So, like it or not, Richmond are changing the way we do things."
Ted Lasso
"And from now on, that way is the "Lasso way.""
Ted Lasso
"We look forward to seeing you all at our next match with Crystal Palace."
Ted Lasso
"Nice meeting y'all."
Ted Lasso
"Oh, boy. I'm sorry about that. I don't know what happened."
Ted Lasso
"Ted, don't you think about them for another second."
Ted Lasso
"You have a job to do."
Ted Lasso
"And proving them wrong, just been added to the list."
Ted Lasso
"I appreciate that-- Thank you, Coach."
Ted Lasso
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