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Clips from Ted Lasso - Pilot (S01E01)

"Though, perhaps not an oasis."
Ted Lasso
"you're fired because I'm the owner now, and I don't like you."
Ted Lasso
"Now do piss off, you fat twat."
Ted Lasso
"Hey, Higgy boy."
Ted Lasso
"What do you think's worse?"
Ted Lasso
"Your husband cheating on you or being the last to know?"
Ted Lasso
"Is there someone that could pop out and fetch me a salad?"
Ted Lasso
"Nothing with raisins in it, please."
Ted Lasso
"Fuck you."
Ted Lasso
"So, what to do as far as new managers go?"
Ted Lasso
"Shall I prepare a list of candidates?"
Ted Lasso
"No. That won't be necessary."
Ted Lasso
"AFC Richmond announced the hiring of their new manager,"
Ted Lasso
"one Theodore "Ted" Lasso."
Ted Lasso
"to their first ever national title in American football."
Ted Lasso
"He took the Shockers from a garbage program"
Ted Lasso
"all the way to the promised land in his very first season as head coach."
Ted Lasso
"But for a lot of us, that's not how Ted Lasso found his way into our hearts,"
Ted Lasso
"certainly not into our living rooms."
Ted Lasso
"For me, it'll always be Ted..."
Ted Lasso
"And good luck with the most beautiful game."
Ted Lasso
"Go, 'Murica."
Ted Lasso
"Oi, mate. This you?"
Ted Lasso
"-I believe it is, yeah. -Oh, man! Legend."
Ted Lasso
"Can I get an ussie?"
Ted Lasso
"That's dope."
Ted Lasso
"You know, back where I'm from, we call those selfies."
Ted Lasso
"Well, it's not "myself," yeah?"
Ted Lasso
"It's "us," innit? "Ussie.""
Ted Lasso
"Yeah. I like that."
Ted Lasso
"Wicked."
Ted Lasso
"You coaching football."
Ted Lasso
"Mate, you are a legend for doing something so stupid."
Ted Lasso
"I mean, it's mental. They're gonna fucking murder you."
Ted Lasso
"Well, you know, I've heard that tune before."
Ted Lasso
"But here I am, still dancing."
Ted Lasso
"-Legend. -Yeah. Nice meeting you."
Ted Lasso
"What you reading? Another soccer book."
Ted Lasso
"Coach, you are a sponge."
Ted Lasso
"Come on. Hit me with a fun fact."
Ted Lasso
"They don't say "out of bounds." They say "into touch.""
Ted Lasso
"Okay, you owe me five bucks if I sneak that into a sentence later."
Ted Lasso
"-You're on. -Okay."
Ted Lasso
"Good evening. We'll be dimming the cabin shortly."
Ted Lasso
"We should get some sleep. The jet lag will kill us."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Are we nuts for doing this?"
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, this is nuts."
Ted Lasso
"If you're comfortable while you're doing it,"
Ted Lasso
"probably doing it wrong."
Ted Lasso
"-Okay, good night, Coach. -Night, Coach."
Ted Lasso
"Hey, hey, hey!"
Ted Lasso
"If we see each other in our dreams, let's goof around a little bit,"
Ted Lasso
"-pretend like we don't know each other. -You got it, stranger."
Ted Lasso
"Nice."
Ted Lasso
"At first, I was thinking about not sleeping."
Ted Lasso
"Then I was thinking about thinking about not sleeping. And that--"
Ted Lasso
"That's never good."
Ted Lasso
"Next thing you know,"
Ted Lasso
"they're handing out warm chocolate chip cookies"
Ted Lasso
"and the plane's landing."
Ted Lasso
"I didn't get a cookie. Did you eat mine?"
Ted Lasso
"That's not part of the story. I think this is us right here."
Ted Lasso
"Hey, how ya doin'?"
Ted Lasso
"-My name's Ted. What's yours? -Ollie."
Ted Lasso
"-Ollie. All right. -Let me get your bags."
Ted Lasso
"No, no, no, Ollie. We packed 'em, we'll carry 'em."
Ted Lasso
"Love to make a little pit stop though."
Ted Lasso
"Okay. Follow me."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah. There you go."
Ted Lasso
"Coach, I got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, right?"
Ted Lasso
"I've never actually said that when not in Kansas before."
Ted Lasso
"-That's kinda nice. -Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Well, thanks for indulging us, Ollie."
Ted Lasso
"Ready to boogie whenever you are."
Ted Lasso
"You know how they came up with soccer?"
Ted Lasso
"So, these Victorian-era headmasters,"
Ted Lasso
"all they wanted to do was get the boys to stop masturbating."
Ted Lasso
"So they invented a sport where the boys wouldn't use their hands at all,"
Ted Lasso
"and they thought that might do the trick."
Ted Lasso
"I'm not sure if it worked, but..."
Ted Lasso
"Feels different, Coach."
Ted Lasso
"I mean, the same, but different."
Ted Lasso
"-Metaphor. -You know it, baby."
Ted Lasso
"Oi!"
Ted Lasso
"Oi! Excuse me!"
Ted Lasso
"Off! Off!"
Ted Lasso
"Stop touching the grass!"
Ted Lasso
"Get off! Get off the pitch! Stop touching the grass! Please!"
Ted Lasso
"-Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. -Who are you?"
Ted Lasso
"I'm Ted Lasso. This is Coach Beard here."
Ted Lasso
"-Oh, God. You're the new manager. -Yes, sir."
Ted Lasso
"-Take all the grass you want. -Oh, no--"
Ted Lasso
"We just had it cut. I can go through the garbage."
Ted Lasso
"-I can get you some more. -That's all right. No need."
Ted Lasso
"-Thank you. -Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"-Still, we got to get off the grass. -Yeah, yeah. Absolutely."
Ted Lasso
"So, we're supposed to meet with a Rebecca Welton."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah, that's where I'm taking you."
Ted Lasso
"Look at this guy. One step ahead."
Ted Lasso
"Hey, what's your name, by the way?"
Ted Lasso
"-Me? -Yeah."
Ted Lasso
"No one ever asks my name."
Ted Lasso
"I mean, whenever you're ready."
Ted Lasso
"Oh, it's Nathan."
Ted Lasso
"Nathan! I love that name."
Ted Lasso
"Hey, love your hot dogs."
Ted Lasso
"Yeah. No, I know."
Ted Lasso
"Good, good. Y'all got Nathan's hot dogs here?"
Ted Lasso
"No."
Ted Lasso
"Okay."
Ted Lasso
"I love this kid. Love him."
Ted Lasso
"I'll introduce you. Big boss."
Ted Lasso
"Hello."
Ted Lasso
"Hey, how y'all doing? I'm Ted Lasso, your new coach."
Ted Lasso
"-You must be Ms. Welton. -Please, call me Rebecca."
Ted Lasso
"Ms. Welton's my father."
Ted Lasso
"If that's a joke, I love it."
Ted Lasso
"If not, I cannot wait to unpack that with you."
Ted Lasso
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