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Clips from Peep Show - Jeremy Makes It (S02E02)

"Cos I'm in hell"
Peep Show
"Ooh, yeah. Spicy!"
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"Clinical, more like. What's that?"
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"A bit of crack."
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"What are you doing, really?"
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"User names. And overseeing the edit on my first short..."
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"What, so you're actually successful?"
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"Looks like it, yeah."
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"Right. Well, maybe we should meet up, have a chat."
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"'Perfect excuse for her to go round to his place, and I'm stuck with the new guy.'"
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"'He hasn't got any massage oil. He's trying to make me obsess about massage oil."
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"'I'll say I'm very upset and go and sit on the loo and never explain.'"
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"Huh?"
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"He'd already hung up."
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"'This is crazy. I should be working, but I'm not.'"
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"'I hope he doesn't know it was me who did the shit in his mum's airing cupboard."
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"What, really?"
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"Right..."
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"Jesus!"
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"I'm talking to a number of people, Jez. What I want is something classic."
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"Remember the theme tune from Jaws?"
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"Well, I don't want that, obviously, I want something completely different."
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"I want something that, when people hear it, they'll immediately go, "Yeah.""
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"'What shall I write? Can't just put "Not Jaws". Do pretend writing.'"
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"It's... Really, I honestly didn't see anyone."
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"Yeah, well, it's embarrassing. And since lan Krauss is of German extraction,"
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"Do I have to spell it out?"
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"Of course. Horrible."
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"That is the behaviour of a world-class bitch."
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"Yeah!"
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"'Go on, say it. I'm gonna say it! '"
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"Can be an 'ell of a laugh, you know, just guys together."
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"'They probably sound more fun than they really are. Like Laser Quest.'"
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"Lock and load!"
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"He's honking on his crack pipe."
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"Drugs are fine, Mark, everyone agrees now."
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"Drugs are what happen to people, and that's fine, so shut up."
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"Great! So you won't mind if I take you out for an incredibly expensive meal to celebrate."
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"and an iPod and... piercings and a... strap-on?"
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"It's all right, Jeremy, it's all right, I changed the order. There's always rice left."
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"Three more beers for the Three Musketeers, eh? Ooh!"
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"- What are we gonna do? - Fuck him up!"
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"We should check the doorbell's working nice and loud, yeah?"
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"Oh, fuck!"
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"'What am I gonna tell Gog? What happened to all the time? We had loads! '"
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"'God that's terrible. It's worse than Daryl's bloody cor anglais."
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"Watch your back, they're gonna get you"
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"That's... not shit, but just... no."
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"Hans, you realise we've only got 39 minutes left."
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"Oh, so now we're working it's not OK for me to smoke my crack?"
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"Look, I've been here since eight, I'm just going to grab a coffee."
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"I mean, obviously, a band isn't an army, but you need some organisation."
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"I'm in character."
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"Yeah, the traffic, the noise, the hassle."
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"Uh-huh."
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"So, rest of the money should be rolling in soon, which is just as well!"
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"Yeah. That's not on, is it?"
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"And obviously you don't think there's a... global Jewish conspiracy"
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"Yeah. If you think that and say those things, you're a racist, aren't you?"
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"You're sure he's a proper..."
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"No, because I was in the tent with him for ages and we talked for a long time,"
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"Wow."
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"Daryl thought I said "a stone," and the stone he picked was a brick"
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"Hey, Mark, my man!"
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"Well, I noticed a bit of static back in the office."
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"I did. Thierry Henry made Savage look like a right carthorse!"
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"He thinks you're French! I keep telling you, he's not French! Come on, let's get you a drink."
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"What, stop being mates?"
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"Yeah, you know, you say potato, I say tomato - let's call the whole thing off."
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"So let's just forget anything ever happened, OK?"
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"- Uh-huh? - Yeah. It's, um..."
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"The thing is, Gog, he's got some reservations about the track"
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"and I've spent all of our advance on drugs and shoes..."
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"I mean, you are the manager..."
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"Brilliant! Now, the favour..."
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"he's really not very keen at all on any of the track..."
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"except, as it turns out, for the cor anglais."
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"He wants much, much more cor anglais."
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"And isn't that the point?"
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"doing and saying whatever the hell they like?"
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"What? Yeah, but I thought we were on the same wavelength!"
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"You know, the sausage, the euro, Clarkson."
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"but slavery? The Holocaust?"
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"'Well. there he goes."
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"'The first friend I've made since Nick Bickford in '96."
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"I told you you should've had a proper contract!"
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"No, except now I bang a load of Valium up me arsehole for the comedown."
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"What's this?"
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"We've got to hurt him on principle. Hit him with the fucking bat, Jez."
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"Hello?"
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"he thought we were trying to poison him."
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"Hey, Mark. What's the big stink?"
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"'Oh, shit! He knows, he knows it was me. He's got a pipe bomb in his trousers."
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"Don't worry, I'm not going to embarrass you, all right? I'm going now. I just wanted to say..."
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"Oh, and I took the rap for the sausage, so you're in the clear there."
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"So, well, I'll see you around, mate."
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"So, stop all the clocks, Toni and Tony are getting remarried!"
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"Sure, we made mistakes first time, but now we've got the chance"
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"to make them all over again!"
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"Already with the jokes. At least one of us is serious about giving us a fucking go!"
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"So long, Toni."
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"You did, didn't you?"
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"Crack? Crack, Super Hans?"
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"Oh, my Lord! Oh, my fucking life. It isn't?"
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"It bloody is! Gog!"
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"Gog?"
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"Jeremy. What are you doing here?"
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"Just running the business - hiring, firing and perspiring!"
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"Business Look at you, with your wine and your jacket, just like a real person!"
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"Remember when we made you wank off Perchy's dog for a fiver?"
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"Like I said, business. Going public in April."
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"Just been looking for music for our soundtrack that doesn't suck arse."
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"But, Gog, I'm music! I make music!"
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"Of course we should meet up and have a chat. Look, here's Super Hans."
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"We can do the music, can't we, Super Hans?"
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"'Lovely trustworthy voices.'"
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"OK, bye."
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"'Jeff! Can't believe they're doing the Stockport contract!"
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"- See you later, gays! - What?!"
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"I've got the massage oil!"
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