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Clips from The Cleveland Show - Cleveland Jr. Cherry Bomb (S01E01)

"Fed and I aren't even doing anything that bad,"
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"And what we are doing is none of your damn business!"
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"How about that, huh?"
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"Have we lost our way?"
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"Time was, everybody knew everybody else."
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"People said hello, and they meant it."
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"Folks went to bed at a decent time,"
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"And jeans were only worn by prisoners."
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"Some people think this modern society's an improvement."
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"(audience cheers, applauds)"
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"(cheering, applause continues)"
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"Roberta, please pass me the olive oil."
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"The extra-virgin kind, not the regular kind"
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"That is not virgin"
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"And therefore is a lesser olive oil"
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"Because the flavor has been tainted,"
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"Since nobody wants it."
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"May I be excused, mother?"
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"Yes, you may."
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"Cleveland, what do you think you're doing?"
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"I told you I'd taken care of this."
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"I know you think you did,"
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"But every girl needs a man to tell her"
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"What to do with her body."
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"That's just common sense."
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"Why is it so important for roberta to be a virgin, daddy?"
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"If I told you that you could open up a new soda pop"
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"Or drink one that had had seven penises in it,"
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"Which one would you prefer?"
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"I would probably go with the new soda pop"
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"'cause the other one might have blood in it."
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"You know, you know, cleveland, for, for centuries"
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"The christian church has been frowning on sex"
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"And other fun things."
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"Our pastor is giving a sermon on teen abstinence this Sunday."
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"You-you should come"
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"And bring that slutty stepdaughter of yours."
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"I think that's a great idea."
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"Any other new business?"
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"(gavel bangs)"
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"(church bell tolling)"
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"What are these people wearing?"
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"Rallo: It's like they're going to a happy funeral."
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"My humble sweater vest looks foolish amongst"
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"These fancy hats of fruit, feathers and foliage."
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"Let me get a hookup from my man donovan mcnabb."
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"Uh, philadelphia, residence."
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"Donovan mcnabb."
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""not listed"?"
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"Dallas, texas, residence."
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"Michael irving."
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"Connect me."
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"Yo, playmaker, it's rallo."
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"Listen, man, I need a hookup on a suit."
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"Rallo, your phone's made of chocolate."
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"You're made of chocolate."
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"Sorry about that, michael."
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"Michael? Oh, man, he hung up."
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"Probably went to go stab a guy in the neck with scissors."
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"(organ plays gospel riff)"
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"May the peace of the lord be with you."
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"All: Holla!"
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"Today's word is about resisting temptation,"
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"About calming those fires that burn in our loins."
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"Those fires that can lead"
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"To destruction in our lives"
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"And turn promise into despair."
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"All: * come on. Ease on down, ease on down the road. *"
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"I gotta ask the congregation to please refrain from shouting"
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"Stereotypical responses and/or catchphrases"
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"To everything I say."
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"(groans) all right, let us turn to a reading"
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"Of the letter of chlamydias to the gonorrheans:"
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"It'll leadeth to pregnancy,"
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"Obesity, illiteracy and diseasacy."
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"But there is a hope all across this great land."
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"Teenagers are taking a pledge, the purity pledge;"
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"To hand over their virginity to their fathers,"
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"The high priests of the home."
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"Hear that?"
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"I'm the high priest of our home."
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"I would like roast beef for dinner."
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"Shut the (bleep) up!"
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"And take this honorable purity pledge?"
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"I will. I, brandy young, pledge my virginity to my dad!"
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"I, jocelyn beokabatuka, pledge my virginity to my dad."
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"I, laura davis, pledge my virginity to my dad."
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"Roberta, I'd very much like your virginity."
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"Give me it! Give me it!"
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"Give me your virginity!"
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"I, cleveland brown, jr., pledge my virginity to my dad,"
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"Cleveland brown. What?"
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"All: No, he didn't!"
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"(chuckling): This place, always something."
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"The girls and I get to go to a purity ball..."
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"...With our dads!"
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"(growls louder)"
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"We gotta go shopping, daddy,"
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"So we can get matching suits."
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"(growl turns to laughter)"
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"Junior, we're not going to that dance."
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"As much as your son likes balls?"
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"(chuckles) you know what, junior?"
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"You and your dad should go to that dance,"
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"Because teenage chastity is so important,"
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"To church today, cleveland?"
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"Oh, man, this is going even worse than when I invented"
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"That portable shoe toilet."
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"(water sloshes in shoe toilet)"
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"Well, it saved me a trip to the bathroom,"
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"But now I'm gonna have to worry about spilling it all day."
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"(water sloshing)"
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"(running footsteps)"
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"Oh, thank god! (unzips pants)"
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"Oh, boy!"
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"Hey, morning, cleveland."
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"How was your weekend?"
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"Fine."
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"Do anything special? Football game?"
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"Sunday brunch?"
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