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Clips from M*A*S*H - Dear Dad (S01E01)

"Mmm."
M*A*S*H
"at last, after almost three straight days ofmeatball surgery."
M*A*S*H
"Either that, or putting on some lipstick and earrings and getting a discharge."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah, the Bears beat the Packers 21 to 10. — I‘m trying to concentrate."
M*A*S*H
"— Try the library. Long fingers. — Long fingers."
M*A*S*H
"You ever thought of leaving your behind to science?"
M*A*S*H
"Henry Blake‘s a good doctor and a pretty goodjoe."
M*A*S*H
"Christmas here in Korea, as with you in Vermont, is soon upon us."
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [ "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing "]"
M*A*S*H
"How far had Radar O’Reilly gotten in my last letter to you .7"
M*A*S*H
"This week he ’s smuggling out the front seats."
M*A*S*H
"It took Trapper and me a while to figure out what he was up to..."
M*A*S*H
"Radar can‘t wait until he gets his discharge and tells his mailman back in Iowa..."
M*A*S*H
"that he actually delivered a whole jeep for him."
M*A*S*H
"Come to the mess tent with me, Dad, and I‘ll buyyou a cup ofcoffee."
M*A*S*H
".L‘ [ "Winter Wonderland"]"
M*A*S*H
"— 8:00 tonight, right? — Make it 9:00."
M*A*S*H
"— [Hawkeye] Louder, Henry — Uh, and the family."
M*A*S*H
"Now,just hold it down, okay?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s not actually necessary that any of you officers be present. [Chuckles]"
M*A*S*H
"Only the enlisted personnel are required to attend."
M*A*S*H
"We‘ve got your, uh, your man and your woman."
M*A*S*H
"—Which is which? — The one with the big hips is the man."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, we, uh—— [ Clears Throat] Excuse me. Uh——"
M*A*S*H
"and wants to get married,"
M*A*S*H
"But figure ”A” can‘t keep his hands offoffigure ”B,” because she‘s got such a great figure."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, first of all, it is necessary that these charts——"
M*A*S*H
"— 1 0:00 tonight? — Make it 1 1:00."
M*A*S*H
"Right."
M*A*S*H
"a bouncing baby veal——"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m talking about that bandana. — Oh, that‘s my good luck. My ma gimme this when I shipped out."
M*A*S*H
"Sir, the nurse said to get these right to the lab."
M*A*S*H
"— Me? What, are you crazy? — Fellas, fellas—— No, wait—— No!"
M*A*S*H
"Fellas, now—— Come on! Break this up!"
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s goin‘ on, Father? - Shh-shh-shh!"
M*A*S*H
"— Could I see you, Corporal Klinger? — Not now, Father."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s what it is, Father. — A live grenade?"
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t touch me, oryou‘re gonna be a lot oflittle priests."
M*A*S*H
"Klinger——"
M*A*S*H
",;‘[ "A way lnA Manger"]"
M*A*S*H
"They think no one’s wise, but the only one over here..."
M*A*S*H
"is that earlier in the afternoon, while they were off picking berries or whatever,"
M*A*S*H
"Trapper and / stopped by her tent."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, ofcourse. [Giggles]"
M*A*S*H
"Right."
M*A*S*H
"Somebody‘s been fooling with this. It‘s a gag candle!"
M*A*S*H
"—I didn‘t hearyou say it! -Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, boy, / ’ll get them for this ifit’s the last—— [Screams]"
M*A*S*H
"for the Korean children in the area will be held today at I400 hours."
M*A*S*H
"We can only hope he ’s sober."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah. Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Excuse me, sirs."
M*A*S*H
"Me, a moral degenerate?"
M*A*S*H
"Ho ho ho ho ho ho!"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, are—are you all right?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m fine, Frank, fine."
M*A*S*H
"I was getting a culture for the lab."
M*A*S*H
"How am I gonna get this thing off?"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ve gotta see you. — [ Deep Voice] You‘ll have to get in line, little fella."
M*A*S*H
"[ Explosions, Gunfire]"
M*A*S*H
""Hot Lips " Houlihan..."
M*A*S*H
"Ginger Ballis. .."
M*A*S*H
"[Thinking] Dear Dad, a lull..."
M*A*S*H
"Seventy hours ofsewing kids together."
M*A*S*H
"— Retract that bowel so I can see something. — Retractor."
M*A*S*H
"— Go. — Ease up, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, hurry up, will ya .7 —Clamp. —Clamp."
M*A*S*H
"The tension in the QR. is always a foot thick, but we do our best to cut through."
M*A*S*H
"Anybody hear how the game turned out?"
M*A*S*H
"— Can‘t we have some military discipline in here? —Good idea, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"Lieutenant, throw out your chest."
M*A*S*H
"Why? It looks perfectly all right to me."
M*A*S*H
"Ifjokes seem sacrilegious in an operating room,"
M*A*S*H
"/ promise you, they’re a necessary defense against what we get down here..."
M*A*S*H
"at this end of the draft board"
M*A*S*H
"Colonel Blake needs your help."
M*A*S*H
"—Frank, pull that back for me, will ya .7 —Okay, got it."
M*A*S*H
"All right."
M*A*S*H
"As a commanding officer, well, it’s a bit like being on a sinking liner,"
M*A*S*H
"running to the bridge and finding out the captain is Daffil Duck."
M*A*S*H
"But more about old Henry later."
M*A*S*H
"[Man ] The glee club meets in the mess tent at 0800 hours."
M*A*S*H
"The first number on tonight‘s schedule is Father Mulcahy‘s solo,"
M*A*S*H
"[ Ha wl"
M*A*S*H
"even though there ’5 shootin’ in them thar hills."
M*A*S*H
"J;[Big Band]"
M*A*S*H
"/ think, if / ’m not mistaken, he had mailed the bacl"
M*A*S*H
"until we did a fiuoroscope of one of his packages..."
M*A*S*H
"and found out he was mailing a jeep home, piece b y piece."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s in the box? — Toys for the orphans, sir."
M*A*S*H
"[Hawkeye] Radar’s not the first guy to do this, of course."
M*A*S*H
"It’s an old arm y bit. / wouldn’t be surprised if one of George Washington ’5 soldiers..."
M*A*S*H
"hadn’t mailed home a horse one piece at a time."
M*A*S*H
"The guy 7/ probably ha i/e a retroactive hernia."
M*A*S*H
"[ Man On P.A. ] Due to the number of people bored last Sunday,"
M*A*S*H
"next Sunday will be canceled"
M*A*S*H
"— Hi, Radar. - Hi."
M*A*S*H
"— No sweat. — I‘ll be ready."
M*A*S*H
"That‘ll make two of us."
M*A*S*H
"that are carried over from the year one."
M*A*S*H
"One of the more ridiculous customs is the monthly lecture."
M*A*S*H
"This month‘s topic is [ Muttering] marital sex and the family."
M*A*S*H
"— The first part. — Marital se—— [Clears Throat] sex."
M*A*S*H
"— Let‘s hear it for this month‘s topic! — Yea! Whoo, whoo, whoo!"
M*A*S*H
"— Why should they know more than we do? — Yeah, I got a date tonight."
M*A*S*H
"|want to learn as much as I can."
M*A*S*H
"Let‘sjust can thejokes. I‘d like to get right down to the sex."
M*A*S*H
"I mean, uh, the talk about the, uh, what I‘m supposed to talk about."
M*A*S*H
"— Radar, would you uncover the charts? — I‘ll uncover the charts, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Your pointer, sir. — Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Wolf Whistles, Hoots] — Tha n k you."
M*A*S*H
"—Good luck, sir. —All right."
M*A*S*H
"Um... the, uh—— We start here."
M*A*S*H
"- Oh. — Can we have an end to these comments?"
M*A*S*H
"Some of us happen to be genuinely interested in this subject."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve devoted my life to this subject. At least a good many ofthe nights."
M*A*S*H
"Dirty mind."
M*A*S*H
"Well, you know what they say. Dirty mind, warm heart."
M*A*S*H
"[ Henry] Uh, now——"
M*A*S*H
"The union of, uh, figure ”,"A man,"
M*A*S*H
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