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Clips from Shameless - Killer Carl (S01E01)

put him on this.

"put him on this."

Shameless

The power bill.

"The power bill."

Shameless

Come on, I'm almost living here.

"Come on, I'm almost living here."

Shameless

No, you're not.

"No, you're not."

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Lip gave me enough to pay for it yesterday.

"Lip gave me enough to pay for it yesterday."

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and forgot to walk it to the payment center.

"and forgot to walk it to the payment center."

Shameless

430 bucks?

"430 bucks?"

Shameless

Lip's a bit flush this month. It's S.A.T. season.

"Lip's a bit flush this month. It's S.A.T. season."

Shameless

S.A.T.?

"S.A.T.?"

Shameless

College tests.

"College tests."

Shameless

He tutors?

"He tutors?"

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Uh, no. He takes.

"Uh, no. He takes."

Shameless

Okay, go play with your cars.

"Okay, go play with your cars."

Shameless

Oh, hey, I got another lead for you. Oh, set it up, douche.

"Oh, hey, I got another lead for you. Oh, set it up, douche."

Shameless

All right.

"All right."

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Don't take the phone today, okay? I need it.

"Don't take the phone today, okay? I need it."

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Cold calling, for baby-sitting gigs.

"Cold calling, for baby-sitting gigs."

Shameless

I'm using the phone today, okay?

"I'm using the phone today, okay?"

Shameless

Everybody go. You're gonna be late.

"Everybody go. You're gonna be late."

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I'll give you guys a ride.

"I'll give you guys a ride."

Shameless

Thank you.

"Thank you."

Shameless

Teacher told me to give this to you.

"Teacher told me to give this to you."

Shameless

Wait. What did you do? Nothing.

"Wait. What did you do? Nothing."

Shameless

This is from last Friday.

"This is from last Friday."

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It's Wednesday! Carl!

"It's Wednesday! Carl!"

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Wait, whoa, what'd he do?

"Wait, whoa, what'd he do?"

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Because you never take the money.

"Because you never take the money."

Shameless

Don't you have someplace to be?

"Don't you have someplace to be?"

Shameless

But, you know, if the Pope ever approves of condoms,

"But, you know, if the Pope ever approves of condoms,"

Shameless

I'd get baptized.

"I'd get baptized."

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A lot I like about the Catholic Mass.

"A lot I like about the Catholic Mass."

Shameless

Good to know.

"Good to know."

Shameless

Frank forgot to pay.

"Frank forgot to pay."

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Get the fuck out of my house.

"Get the fuck out of my house."

Shameless

You should dead-bolt your door.

"You should dead-bolt your door."

Shameless

Frank doesn't live here anymore.

"Frank doesn't live here anymore."

Shameless

Yeah, well, just 'cause he don't live here anymore,

"Yeah, well, just 'cause he don't live here anymore,"

Shameless

doesn't mean you don't know where he lives now.

"doesn't mean you don't know where he lives now."

Shameless

pick up the phone,

"pick up the phone,"

Shameless

Or bring back the car.

"Or bring back the car."

Shameless

Or we'll come back and use the bat on you.

"Or we'll come back and use the bat on you."

Shameless

It's a buck-50 up front.

"It's a buck-50 up front."

Shameless

When you get your S.A.T. results back and see how great Lip did,

"When you get your S.A.T. results back and see how great Lip did,"

Shameless

it's another buck-50.

"it's another buck-50."

Shameless

And we do this today?

"And we do this today?"

Shameless

No, today's session is booked.

"No, today's session is booked."

Shameless

So I sit next to you while you take the test?

"So I sit next to you while you take the test?"

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No.

"No."

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He's pretending to be you.

"He's pretending to be you."

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You can't be there.

"You can't be there."

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Why would they think you're me?

"Why would they think you're me?"

Shameless

Well, I'll have a I.D. That says that I am you.

"Well, I'll have a I.D. That says that I am you."

Shameless

But what if they ask me for my I.D.?

"But what if they ask me for my I.D.?"

Shameless

I'm going to make a fake I.D.

"I'm going to make a fake I.D."

Shameless

But I'm tall.

"But I'm tall."

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Yeah. That's-That's a chance were just going to have to take.

"Yeah. That's-That's a chance were just going to have to take."

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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Saturday night.

"Saturday night."

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What time can I pick you up?

"What time can I pick you up?"

Shameless

7:00.

"7:00."

Shameless

Done.

"Done."

Shameless

You're dating Oompa now?

"You're dating Oompa now?"

Shameless

He doesn't talk. It's fun.

"He doesn't talk. It's fun."

Shameless

Come in.

"Come in."

Shameless

I need a breakthrough, Malaya.

"I need a breakthrough, Malaya."

Shameless

Parents Night. Oh, very important.

"Parents Night. Oh, very important."

Shameless

My daughter Karen. We've met.

"My daughter Karen. We've met."

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I'm a little geared up.

"I'm a little geared up."

Shameless

about their education.

"about their education."

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I tell my son, "Finish eighth grade,

"I tell my son, "Finish eighth grade,"

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and then we'll talk about you working in construction."

"and then we'll talk about you working in construction.""

Shameless

Not that I couldn't use the extra paycheck now.

"Not that I couldn't use the extra paycheck now."

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Oh. Right.

"Oh. Right."

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Okay.

"Okay."

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Jesus, Frank!

"Jesus, Frank!"

Shameless

Two assholes busted into our house

"Two assholes busted into our house"

Shameless

looking for you and some car?

"looking for you and some car?"

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Did they follow you here?

"Did they follow you here?"

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Where is it?

"Where is it?"

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I was invited to participate in a business venture.

"I was invited to participate in a business venture."

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What did you do with the money? That's just it!

"What did you do with the money? That's just it!"

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I wasn't given any money up front!

"I wasn't given any money up front!"

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I was simply promised that money would be shared

"I was simply promised that money would be shared"

Shameless

with me once an insurance claim was... was settled.

"with me once an insurance claim was... was settled."

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Has that promise been delivered upon?

"Has that promise been delivered upon?"

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No. No, it has not.

"No. No, it has not."

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I warned you, Frank.

"I warned you, Frank."

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You knew about this and you didn't tell me?

"You knew about this and you didn't tell me?"

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Fi, I don't have the time to call you

"Fi, I don't have the time to call you"

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every time Frank has a bad idea.

"every time Frank has a bad idea."

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I'll talk to them.

"I'll talk to them."

Shameless

Oh, yeah? And say what? "Hey guys,

"Oh, yeah? And say what? "Hey guys,"

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sorry I forgot to light the car on fire."

"sorry I forgot to light the car on fire.""

Shameless

I was not doing the igniting.

"I was not doing the igniting."

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I was just doing the "park in a remote location."

"I was just doing the "park in a remote location.""

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Unfortunately, I had to make a pit stop,

"Unfortunately, I had to make a pit stop,"

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and when I got back, the car was gone.

"and when I got back, the car was gone."

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Could go to Jersey for a while.

"Could go to Jersey for a while."

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Stay with your Great Uncle George.

"Stay with your Great Uncle George."

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No. You're staying here,

"No. You're staying here,"

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and you're gonna take care of this car,

"and you're gonna take care of this car,"

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'cause you're also gonna be here to take care of Carl.

"'cause you're also gonna be here to take care of Carl."

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He needs you to show up for him at Parents Night

"He needs you to show up for him at Parents Night"

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to discuss behavioral problems.

"to discuss behavioral problems."

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Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

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These sound like solutions, not problems.

"These sound like solutions, not problems."

Shameless

The school disagrees.

"The school disagrees."

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Joe Palazzo bit off a kid's finger.

"Joe Palazzo bit off a kid's finger."

Shameless

Sister Irmalita

"Sister Irmalita"

Shameless

picked up the nub and wrapped it in Kleenex.

"picked up the nub and wrapped it in Kleenex."

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She always kept her snot rag stuffed in her sleeve.

"She always kept her snot rag stuffed in her sleeve."

Shameless

They're threatening to expel him.

"They're threatening to expel him."

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Well, go talk 'em out of it.

"Well, go talk 'em out of it."

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They want a parent. A real parent.

"They want a parent. A real parent."

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and I am not going to start now.

"and I am not going to start now."

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who hate that human beings are a species

"who hate that human beings are a species"

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with two distinct genders.

"with two distinct genders."

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It's like they've declared war on testicles!

"It's like they've declared war on testicles!"

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They want to remove all the masculinity from the schools,

"They want to remove all the masculinity from the schools,"

Shameless

fill the world with yogurt-eaters.

"fill the world with yogurt-eaters."

Shameless

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