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Clips from The Cleveland Show - The Brown Knight (S01E01)

"Once a month, a woman bleeds uncontrollably."
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"- From where? - From her:"
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"Oh."
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"Good morning. I'm Dan Rather, news veteran of 44 years..."
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"...and now reduced to co-hosting this local, morning chat show."
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"Just passing the time till I die."
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"And I've stopped taking my heart medications. So any day now."
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"With me, as always, is Tila Tequila."
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"What up, bitches?"
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"I make out with girls."
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"Can you handle it?"
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"Thank you, Tila."
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"Coming up later. Hold on to your hubcaps."
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"Stoolbend's only Mexican will be showing us how to make tacos."
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"Gross."
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"Please welcome local hero Cleveland Brown."
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"Hey, hey, hey."
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"What's the frequency, Kenneth? Ha-ha-ha!"
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"I'm just playing."
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"But seriously, dawg, you know what it's like to be confronted by a straight-up madman."
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"This fool took my scrilla. Then he be trying to take my queen's bling."
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"That's when I made him recognize."
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"Problem is, crackhead was strapped so I got sprayed."
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"What? Mr. Brown, Rather Early has exclusively obtained this video..."
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"...from the ATM's security camera where the incident took place."
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"What? I wasn't told there would be a clip, Dan."
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"Hey, look. Our ATM's on TV."
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"We're famous."
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"So, Donna, how does it feel to be married to a joke?"
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"And not a good joke, but a bad joke..."
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"...like that one I heard on Saturday Night Live that one time."
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"Oh, I won't have my man comparing himself to anything on NBC."
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"You're right, damn it."
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"I'm gonna go out there and get your ring back."
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"Because I'm better than NBC."
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"They never gave Kath & Kim a chance."
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"Cute show. Molly Shannon, somebody else."
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"Mm. Molly Shannon."
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"Those underpants when she fell into all those chairs."
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"Excuse me, sir."
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"Sir, this is a pawnshop. To think of profiting on something as sordid as divorce..."
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"...is anathema to everything I stand for. Get out."
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"- Forgive me. Hey, is that a video camera? - It is."
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"- Is that a fog machine? - Yes."
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"You don't happen to have a saxophone, do you?"
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"Sure do."
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"Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho."
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"Caught up in the action I've been looking out for you"
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"Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho"
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"Tell me can you feel it Tell me can you feel it"
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"- Tell me can you feel it - Tell me can you feel it"
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"The heat is"
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"Proper."
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"Well, I guess I should go find that mugger."
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"Cool. Hey, later tonight, I'm having some people over to my apartment."
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"- You should come. - Yeah, okay."
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"Ha-ha-ha. No."
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"If I can't go after the mugger, maybe I'll make the mugger go after me."
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"Oh, I hope I look good enough to rob, but not good enough to rape."
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"Oh, what's so funny?"
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"Are you guys watching a JibJab?"
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"No. We're watching you."
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"- You're a YouTube sensation. - What?"
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"Oh, turn that mess off before I get..."
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"Hold on. Junior, pause the video."
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"Now zoom in, quick."
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"But you can't do that on YouTube."
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"I said, zoom in."
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"We've lost too much resolution."
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"I'll have to resample the image."
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"- Already done. - Well, what's left?"
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"...and obtain remote access to the Criminal Investigation Division."
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"Do it. There, look."
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"The mugger's wearing a Last Call with Carson Daly hat."
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"Junior, cross-check every retail database..."
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"...to find out how many Last Call hats have been sold in the United States."
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"Two. One to a Mr. Carson Daly in Valencia, California."
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"And one was shipped to another honky right here in Stoolbend."
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"You're still wearing your dress."
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"Pornographic materials."
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"This guy's a real pig."
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"Mmm."
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"Neat, neat, neat."
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"Hurray! Now I gotta find that ring."
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"Oh, here it is."
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"That was surprisingly uncomplicated."
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"Ow!"
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"Oh, my Lord."
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"The mugger found where we live. We got robbed!"
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"Two hundred ninety-nine, 300."
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"That's how much money I paid for those jeans."
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"And that's how much money I got for selling everything you own on Craigslist."
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"Ooh! I will beat your little black ass blue. And then I will slap the black off of you."
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"And then I will use that black to beat your blue ass black all over again."
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"You poor."
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"Roberta, what's wrong?"
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"That time of the month?"
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"Yo, he means that time of the month when the lining of your uterus falls away."
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"What are you gonna do to me?"
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"I'm gonna make you suffer, the way you made Jeanette Mueller suffer."
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"That's right. She was my mother."
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"Wait. Who do you think I am?"
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"Cleveland, are you all right?"
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"Donna? How did you find me?"
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"Ever since you decided to go out and find my ring, I've been trailing you."
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"I was there at the pawnshop and when you dressed in drag."
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"I didn't want anything to happen to you, baby."
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"So this whole time, you were protecting me?"
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"I tried to change."
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"But, Cleveland, I can't sit quietly in the background like some Asian woman."
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"- It's just not me. - I know, Donna."
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"This strong foxy lady is who I married and it's who I love."
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"Oh, but it's happening all over again."
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"I came here to get your ring back and prove that I'm a man."
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"No. Not this time, Cleveland."
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"Listen to me. And listen good."
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"The mugger shot you."
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"What? He didn't shoot..."
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"Oh, now you're slapping me?"
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"Here. You can have a butterscotch from my purse if you promise to calm down."
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