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Clips from M*A*S*H - Pilot (S01E01)

"Get him down to OR and give him first aid! Let‘s go!"
M*A*S*H
"forsomeone else to put on the fine touches."
M*A*S*H
"We work fast and we’re not dainty,"
M*A*S*H
"just can ’t stand one second more."
M*A*S*H
"We try to play par surgery on this course."
M*A*S*H
"Dish, clean that up for us, will you? Put some suction on that."
M*A*S*H
"— Give me a clamp. —C|amp."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Ginger, put a clamp on his mouth."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s enough, Captain. — Oh, clever."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, lay off, Frank. I just had a hard day at the office."
M*A*S*H
"Your conduct in there was not only unbecoming ofan officer,"
M*A*S*H
"to come to this costume party."
M*A*S*H
"I was thinking of specimen bottles at 20 paces."
M*A*S*H
"There are ladies present."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re both a disgrace to this outfit."
M*A*S*H
"We‘ve all had 12 straight hours ofmeatball surgery in there!"
M*A*S*H
"We gotta get up early anyway and fix MacArthur‘s hernia. Come on, Mary."
M*A*S*H
"Here."
M*A*S*H
"She still lo i/es me. Would you belie i/e this .7"
M*A*S*H
"— Is that a good place to stay? — Ha—ha."
M*A*S*H
""Dear Ha wl"
M*A*S*H
"— Hot dog ! — Hey, that‘s terrific."
M*A*S*H
"Where are we gonna get a thousand dollars?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s more like 2,000,you know, with transportation and clothing and everything."
M*A*S*H
"— What do they really want? — Sex."
M*A*S*H
"”All you can drink, ten bucks a head."
M*A*S*H
"— How are ya, Henry? — How are ya, Henry?"
M*A*S*H
"That‘s not what you guys came to ask."
M*A*S*H
"Seems like a good enough cause."
M*A*S*H
"A girl with a face that doesn‘t quit."
M*A*S*H
"A girl with so much body, she should be continued on the next girl"
M*A*S*H
"My lips were made by Stradivarius."
M*A*S*H
"[Hawkeye] Dish, /ha i/e to ask you a favor"
M*A*S*H
"[Dish] You really thrive on rejection."
M*A*S*H
"You said you wanted a favor."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, I‘ll tell you after| finish my lunch."
M*A*S*H
"Animals."
M*A*S*H
"— What are you doin‘ to Frank‘s gear? — Selling nickel—nose a ticket."
M*A*S*H
"| peeked at the end, Frank. The devil did it."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, I‘m tellin‘ya. You drop that gin mill and your head‘s gonna go in the shop."
M*A*S*H
"All other activities are cancelled."
M*A*S*H
"Come here."
M*A*S*H
"[Gasps]"
M*A*S*H
"[ Trapper] Yes. He needs a little rest"
M*A*S*H
"Now let‘s see that this patient gets all the rest he so badly needs."
M*A*S*H
"I say he should be sedated every hour on the hour."
M*A*S*H
"JM Big—Band Style]"
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [Singing Continues]"
M*A*S*H
"When I find him, you‘ll be under arrest!"
M*A*S*H
"attacked Hill 55 about an hour ago."
M*A*S*H
"By midnight, this place‘ll be flooded with casualties."
M*A*S*H
"— Excuse me! — You will live dangerously."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s a prayer come true. — Who are you ?"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re Tinkerbell ?"
M*A*S*H
"— And handing out unauthorized passes! — [ Groans]"
M*A*S*H
"Major Burns, sir——"
M*A*S*H
"Those two ! They‘re ruining this warfor all ofus!"
M*A*S*H
"You two are going to be court—martialed."
M*A*S*H
"— In Tokyo ? — San Francisco?"
M*A*S*H
"who went to a different party tonight."
M*A*S*H
"By the way, how are your hands?"
M*A*S*H
"Now, I want you to alert the General‘s pilot to be ready to take offat any time."
M*A*S*H
"Now make sure you don‘t lose ‘em, not even to me."
M*A*S*H
"Forget it."
M*A*S*H
"We did it again—— screwed up in reverse."
M*A*S*H
"I keep telling you, we gotta give up this preoccupation with keeping people alive,"
M*A*S*H
"Karen Phil/pp."
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [ Man Singing "My Blue Heaven " Injapanese]"
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [ Singing Continues]"
M*A*S*H
"[Popping Sound]"
M*A*S*H
"Fore!"
M*A*S*H
"Here they come!"
M*A*S*H
"—I don‘t hear nothin‘. — Wait for it."
M*A*S*H
"[Rotors Whirring]"
M*A*S*H
"[ Man On RA. ] A ttention, all personnel."
M*A*S*H
"Report immediately to admitting ward and operating room."
M*A*S*H
"A ttention, all personnel."
M*A*S*H
"Report immediately to admitting ward and operating room."
M*A*S*H
"[ Man ’5 Voice] Dear Dad Ha wke ye here."
M*A*S*H
"You said / sounded a bit callous about m y job in my last letter."
M*A*S*H
"A t this particular mobile army hospital,"
M*A*S*H
"We only care about getting the kid out of here alii/e enough..."
M*A*S*H
"because a lot of these kids who can stand two hours on the table..."
M*A*S*H
"Par is a live patient"
M*A*S*H
"—C|amp. —C|amp."
M*A*S*H
"|‘|| debride the wound, then we‘ll go in after the spleen, okay?"
M*A*S*H
"Wanna play a little ”doctor" after we‘re finished?"
M*A*S*H
"— Hurry. | thinkwe‘re losing him. —Scissors."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Red, give us a little cross action here."
M*A*S*H
"— Everything under control? — Uh,yeah, fine."
M*A*S*H
"But ifyou don‘t move, I‘m gonna have to cut around your ” B” cups."
M*A*S*H
"Idon‘t want a Kelly clamp, Lieutenant!"
M*A*S*H
"— But that’s what you asked for. — Give me what I want, not whatl asked for!"
M*A*S*H
"You can show us all your diploma later, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"—I can‘t see a thing in here. — Give me the retractor."
M*A*S*H
"— Let me have a clamp. — Which retractor .7"
M*A*S*H
"— The biggest one you got. — Get your seams straight. Give me a clamp."
M*A*S*H
"— Pierce! - Hi."
M*A*S*H
"Pierce, hold on!"
M*A*S*H
"it was equally reprehensible as a medical man!"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, I happen to be an officer..."
M*A*S*H
"only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman..."
M*A*S*H
"And as for my ability as a doctor,"
M*A*S*H
"ifyou seriously question that, I‘m afraid I‘ll just have to challenge you to a duel."
M*A*S*H
"Swords or pistols?"
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, sorry, baby. — Major to you."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, sorry, major baby."
M*A*S*H
"Aw, come on, Frank!"
M*A*S*H
"My brain is sending me urgent rest telegrams."
M*A*S*H
"You must be tired, too, after all that malpractice you put in."
M*A*S*H
"—You‘re dismissed! — Thanks, Mother."
M*A*S*H
"Some nurse this guy had."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, yeah. Was that the one with the—— — Yeah, right."
M*A*S*H
"She came to me once with a sore throat."
M*A*S*H
"but she didn’t understand why she had to take offher clothes."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s a woman all over. — Best place for ‘em to be."
M*A*S*H
"Night, guys. I‘ve lefta call for i 967."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, yeah. Thanks, Ho—jon."
M*A*S*H
"All right. Thanks."
M*A*S*H
"— Ah. Finest kind. —just like Mother used to make."
M*A*S*H
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