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Clips from South Park - Sexual Harassment Panda (S03E03)

"So come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine"
South Park
"Okay, children, let's take our seats."
South Park
"instructed to teach you all about sexual harassment in school."
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"When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend,"
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"No, Eric, that's not what I'm talking about!"
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"Don't say that Don't touch there"
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"- Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda. - Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda."
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"Did you know that when one little panda"
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"in another panda's ear,"
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"about another panda's appearance."
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"I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool."
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"What?"
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"- Dude, you got a lawyer? - Sorry I'm late."
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"That is correct, My Honour."
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"I called you an ass-sucker!"
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"Yes, that was it. I was so upset."
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"What? Cartman! You call people names all the time!"
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"And that Power Jim doll. And let's see..."
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"Do you really like this remote-control truck?"
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"Oh, well, I'll just take that then. And what about this?"
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"That model aeroplane kit. Go on."
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"Why should I sue the school?"
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"I'm sorry, toots."
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"Mr. Garrison, I will remind you that we are in court!"
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"that my client was being harassed at your school?"
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"- I don't know! - You don't know? You're the principal!"
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"All right! All right! I killed him! I hit him over the head"
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"Oh, the smell of it! I put the legs in garbage bags"
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"Sexual Harassment Panda"
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"Well, when one little panda asks another little panda to perform oral sex,"
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"that is sexual harassment."
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"- Panda. - Panda's mouth."
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"After careful review,"
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"and part of that tax money goes to public schools."
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"And it's from that money that we got our 1.3 million."
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"And you don't see a problem with that?"
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"All things flow into each other."
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"Yes, Stan?"
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"Right, the desks. Well, a lot of cuts had to be made"
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"All I know is I got this sweet digital watch"
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"Me, too! I wanna get a lawyer!"
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"and do our schoolwork. Now, I'm going to write a sentence"
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"on the board, and I want you to tell me the noun."
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"Kids? Are you tired of being harassed at school?"
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"Then call me, Kyle's dad, and I'll help you"
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"Kyle's dad helped me get a $1.6 million settlement"
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"and this bright, new, shiny bicycle!"
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"Kyle's dad got me $1.4 million, and he can do it for you, too!"
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"Just sue their asses with Kyle's dad"
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"- No way! - I won!"
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"You must give Pip half your stuff."
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"And the school must give Pip $1.6 million."
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"- This girl touched my thigh. - Half her belongings."
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"- School is sued for 2.1 million. - We're ruined!"
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"Half his stuff. Two million from the school."
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"Okay."
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"Craig how about you?"
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"and support your legal recourses in every way."
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"All I can serve you for lunch is lumpy potatoes."
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"Oh, my God! You guys, we have to do something!"
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"I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't want the lawsuits to stop."
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"He's making too much money."
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"We'll give you anything you want!"
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"We want Sexual Harassment Panda."
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"Please, let us go!"
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"I can't help what I am."
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"Well, yes, they may be just what you're looking for."
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"Personally, I think Kyle's dad is just a whore,"
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"Newscaster Kevin McCarty is being sued by Kyle's dad for slander!"
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"Another Scotch?"
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"Dad, don't you think our last new house was big enough?"
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"Tomorrow's trial, Everyone v. Everyone, is going to make things a lot worse."
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"- Kyle, let me explain something to you. - Oh, God, here we go."
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"No, because we don't call it fascism."
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"Do you understand?"
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"- Excuse me. - Yeah, what can I do you for?"
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"Somebody told us they saw a big panda bear in here."
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"We don't take kindly to your types in here."
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"He said something about the Island of Misfit Mascots."
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"Come on, we better hurry!"
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"Hey! Beautiful woman!"
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"Thank you, Your Honour. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,"
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"everyone has committed a crime here,"
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"and everyone must pay for that crime. My client, everyone, has been hurt"
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"- Yes. - Yes."
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"Have you seen any panda bears?"
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"Hey, kids, I'm Jimmy the Don't-Hold-onto-a-Large-Magnet-"
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"- to South Park, quick! - Why?"
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"You have to get them to stop suing each other."
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"No, you're not, dude! You're a guy in a panda costume!"
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"to teach people about sexual harassment."
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"a new message that people will find useful again."
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"That people shouldn't sue each other all the time."
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"Hey! We don't take kindly to folks that don't sue people around here."
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"I'm a really sad panda."
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"All I could see was the millions of dollars coming to me and I didn't care"
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"Well, seeing as we have no lawyers,"
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"Lawsuits damage our society. I know it's tempting to make money,"
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"Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation"
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"I'm going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind"
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"Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour""
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"Due to recent events around the country, I have been"
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"About what?"
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"Now, does anybody know what sexual harassment means?"
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"Yes, Eric?"
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"The school board has sent over a special guest"
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"Who lives in the east 'neath a willow tree?"
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"Sexual Harassment Panda"
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"Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?"
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"Sexual Harassment Panda"
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"Don't be nasty says the silly bear"
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"He's gonna tell you what's right and wrong"
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"Sexual Harassment Panda"
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"- Hi, boys and girls! - Say hi to Sexual Harassment Panda!"
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"that's sexual harassment?"
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"That makes me a sad panda."
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"This is freaking me out, dude."
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"that makes me a very sad panda."
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"Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets,"
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"One panda may not make sexual comments"
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