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Clips from 30 Rock - Aunt Phatso vs. Jack Donaghy (S07E07)

"You have the mustache and everything!"
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"What's the matter, Jack Donaghy? Does somebody accidentally --"
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"Lemon, do you think I'm a villain?"
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"Well, I have heard you say, Guards, seize him!"
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"Why are you limping? Foot illness or fell running for food?"
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"I need bunion surgery."
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"But I can't get bunion surgery because I have to do everything around here."
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"No, you choose to do everything around here."
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"You need an assistant."
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"What? No! I can always use Cerie."
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"Although the one time I did send her on an errand,"
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"she met some guy who flew her to Paris."
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"And then she started modeling,"
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"and then she ends it up being the reason"
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"why the French soccer team did so badly in the 2010 World Cup."
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"Hire someone. Someone dedicated to making your life easier."
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"- I don't know! - You want to start a family?"
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"You have to prioritize."
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"How can you take care of a child if you can't take care of your own feet?"
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"Hey, Grizz. Hey, Dotcom."
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"Get me a black coffee, by which I mean a Sunkist."
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"...would you care to explain this?"
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"What pray tel! is so funny?"
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"Jack Donaghy, don't you know in this neighborhood"
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"You're all fired!"
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"That's Tracy Jordan's Aunt Phatso Goes to the Hospitals Goes to Jail."
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"When did you make a movie?"
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"Fourth of July weekend."
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"I wrote, directed and did all the makeup myself."
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"We made 50 million dollars in Atlanta."
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"That man is portraying me."
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"My twin is dead."
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"I brought you back from the dead and revived your career."
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"And this is how you thank me?"
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"You'll respect me, and you'll respect these boobies!"
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"burned, and melted into a statue of you apologizing to me."
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"I will do no such thing."
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"is an NAACP Shame Award."
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"Hey, is there another one of these coming out?"
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"Because I think I saw an ad for it in Urban Buttz magazine."
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"They have an excellent word jumble!"
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"The new movie is called:"
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"Tracy Jordan's Aunt Phatso's Jack Donaghy's We At It Again."
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"You can't order me around. Who do you think I am? Liz Lemon?"
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"I will not have you talk to me like I'm some kind of Liz Lemon!"
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"Whatever. I'll speak at both your funerals."
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"Typical Jack Donaghy. Giving me no respect."
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"I'm the CEO of my own company. I'm rich. I'm just like you!"
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"Just like me? I went to Princeton."
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"I neglected a tiger."
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"I'm on the board of the New York Philharmonic!"
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"I'm friends with Phil Harmonic, the worst rapper of all time!"
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"on Watch What Happens Live!"
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"No! Andy Cohen is so catty!"
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"And that's just the beginning."
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"If you don't take care of this, you're fired."
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"You're all fired!"
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"So tell me about your day, Kevin."
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"I mean, Todd."
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"Well, this morning, Ms. Lemon had one of her meltdowns."
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"Really? About what?"
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"Because she can't balance work and personal life."
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"But I mean, after seven years and hundreds of these episodes,"
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"it's like, let's move on."
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"She needs someone who is ambitious and talented and humble and a liar."
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"That's where Hazel comes in."
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"Let me hang those up for you."
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"Also, I put all the new promos on your computer."
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"And I wasn't sure how you take your coffee. So, mouth or enema?"
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"What's going on here, Hazel?"
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"You need help."
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"I know you're trying to get pregnant because I think about it all the time."
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"You on top, your hair whipping around."
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"But what if you do have a kid, and you have to leave work,"
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"because your daughter shot her choir teacher's husband?"
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"Wow. Okay, I'm just not sure that I'm comfortable --"
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"Did you get me a second mini-fridge?"
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"No. I got you a mini-freezer."
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"- I didn't say anything. - Shh!"
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"Look, I want to help. You're my hero. Just give me a chance."
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"Sisters helping sisters. Glass ceiling. Legitimate rape."
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"Okay, Hazel. I'm gonna get my foot surgery."
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"And if you can be my eyes and ears while I'm stuck on the couch,"
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"you've got the job."
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"Great!"
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"Now, if it's okay with you, I'm gonna go wash your sweatshirt."
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"You got it unstuck from the chair!"
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"Good evening."
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"The New York Philharmonic is thrilled to announce"
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"that we've recently received a very generous donation that will keep us"
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"fully endowed for the next decade."
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"In honor of that gift,"
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"tonight's scheduled program of Debussy and Rachmaninoff"
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"will be replaced with a selection chosen by our anonymous donor."
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"So please enjoy a four-hour rendition"
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"of the theme song from Sanford and Son."
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"Now who's in charge?"
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"- Here we go. - Hazel, thank you..."
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"...for taking care of everything."
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"I can't believe you got my health plan to cover all this."
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"Oh, you just need to know what to say to them."
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"Like their children's names and what they wore to school today."
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"Oh!"
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"I want to see what they wrote to fill the fifth act."
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"Or, since I'm here to help, maybe I could fill the time."
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"I still know my rhythmic gymnastics routine."
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"I was good, until I hit puberty and the coach said I got too pregnant."
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"Are you kidding? I'm not gonna put you on the show."
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"- Lemon, a word. - Hey! Guy!"
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"You can't just walk in here whenever you want!"
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"So, Lemon has an assistant. Excellent."
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"Jack Donaghy to see Liz Lemon."
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"A Mr. Donaghy here for you."
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"Get off this channel! This is a military frequency!"
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"So you got your surgery, and the world hasn't ended."
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"All of it. I mean, right now my feet are kind of like babies."
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"I have to swaddle them, they need ointment,"
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"and like six times a day brown stuff comes out of them."
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"You're beautiful, babies! Yes, you are!"
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"Look, Lemon, I need some advice."
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