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Clips from 30 Rock - Aunt Phatso vs. Jack Donaghy (S07E07)

"What?"
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"Hold on. Your name is Jack Donaghy?"
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"Jack Donaghy."
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"I've championed diversity on NBC."
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"I might as well do my act."
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"Now, imagine I'm wearing underwear."
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"Why don't you make like a woman driver and get lost?"
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"I've got everyone I need on my side."
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"for why we didn't write anything, but we failed."
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"What are you doing in here?"
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"'Cause I don't see race, you white bastards!"
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"Tracy..."
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"Aunt Phatso, you're fired!"
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"Oh, it's terrible!"
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"That's Leslie van Vondervann! He used to be on Knots Landing."
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"Unacceptable."
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"I want every DVD of this movie removed from stores,"
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"The only statue that movie will be turned into"
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"Oh! You will not release that movie!"
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"And I'm your boss. I own you."
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"You've got better things to do, you genius."
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"I mean, that's the kind of stuff my mom had to deal with."
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"Shh!"
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"Oh, will you send Frank in?"
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"How can I help you?"
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"I think I can do this, Jack."
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"Look, I need to tell you something."
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"About Hazel --"
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"What could she possibly give you that I can't?"
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"I tell her what happened during my day,"
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"- Please, have a seat. - No, thank you."
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"I'm gonna take every penny you have."
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"Dude, it's not libel."
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"I've seen you do in real life."
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"Another technicality. But the climax of this monstrosity..."
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"...Is when Jack Donaghy shuts down an orphanage."
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"Checkmate. Game, set, match."
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"Rumbledy-Goo."
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"Which is what you say when you win in polo."
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"I wish you could see how sexy your listening face is."
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"♪ And I'll be down here ♪"
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"Hazel, I have missed one show in seven years,"
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"And if there's an emergency, your wheelchair's right outside."
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"Well, this e-mail is from Liz."
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"Why are my arms so weak?"
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"You told me to! I have your e-mail!"
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"Don't call me about this. Catch you on the flippy-floppy."
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"My foot babies died because of this show!"
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"Get out! Now!"
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"Ooh..."
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"I think a song right now would --"
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"I thought you'd be at home licking your wounds."
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"No, that's why they put that cone on me."
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"I just wanted to give you this."
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"You are cordially invited to attend the premiere of"
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"I don't understand."
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"You win, Tracy. You bested Jack Donaghy."
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"I really can't stop you from portraying me"
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"What? Come on, did you not watch the whole movie, Jackie D?"
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"Okay, well, Tray, I'm scared."
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"I beg your pardon? Where's your supervisor?"
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"Oh, you sound just like him!"
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"I will not say that! Because you just ruined it!"
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"What pray tell is so funny?"
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"- ...to laugh about! - ...to laugh about!"
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"I can't believer he is --"
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"Gabe, Google Jack Donaghy and black laughter."
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"Hang on. You're Jack Donaghy?"
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"Why am I suddenly an object of derision in your community?"
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"I mean, we've got football. That's pretty black, right?"
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"I'm laughing because Jack Donaghy is the bad guy"
30 Rock
"from Tracy Jordan's Aunt Phatso movie."
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"But you can't shut us down!"
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"The $25,000 rap competition is in two days!"
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"Well, unless you can come up with $25,000 in just two days,"
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"I'm turning this community center into one of my garbage dumps!"
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"Ooooooh! Damn you, Jack Donaghy!"
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"Aah!"
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"Ugh, this is so embarrassing."
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"I accidentally wore my tap shoes today."
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"Hazel, what did I tell you the last time you tried to audition for me?"
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"Who's there? Please don't hurt me!"
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"The safe is in my children's room."
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"You're not getting on the show."
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"Too bad, Hazel. Looks like everyone's onto your crazy now."
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"'Cause I'd rather make like the father I never had and stay."
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"Well, don't worry about me, Jenna. Hm..."
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"Who, Kenneth?"
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"The things he knows about you people."
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"For instance, someone here sucks on old baby wipes"
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"to get the alcohol out of them."
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"Who does that? That's my thing!"
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"And one of these days, Kenneth's gonna tell me something I can use."
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"And then I'll make my move."
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"Well, time is running out."
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"Tick-took, Hazel. The clock is ticking."
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"Well, you know what else ticks? A time-bomb."
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"So, yeah, Jenna, tick-took."
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"Oh, there she is. Finally! Liz! Where have you been?"
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"I told you, like, ten times, I had a doctor's appointment today."
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"My bunions are out of control."
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"The podiatrist said the only possible explanation"
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"is that one of my ancestors mated with a dinosaur."
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"Well, while you were out, we had a little budget snafu."
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"We can't build any new sets,"
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"so you're gonna have to completely rewrite tomorrow's show,"
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"so that everything takes place in a farmhouse."
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"Pete, the budget is your job."
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"Who are we to say what anything is?"
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"Ugh!"
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"Okay, what did you write after Pete told you we're short?"
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"Liz, we spent a long time trying to come up with a good excuse"
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"I put off this doctor's appointment for months."
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"They had to saw me out of my sneakers!"
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"And I need quadruple bunion surgery."
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"But I can't get it"
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"because I would have to be off my feet for three weeks."
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"And that would require someone else around here to actually step up!"
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"I would stomp off right now, but my doctor says I need to walk like this:"
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"Delightful! Charlie Chaplin!"
30 Rock
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