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Clips from The League (2009) - The Draft (S01E01)

"No. But I can't wait, because I will."
The League (2009)
"It's gonna be mine. And I'm gonna get all your sloppy seconds."
The League (2009)
"I'm gonna suck it. I'm gonna dry hump it."
The League (2009)
"- I'm gonna blow it. - Okay, that's enough. That's enough."
The League (2009)
"- Hey, hey. - That's gross."
The League (2009)
"...even though he's a commentator."
The League (2009)
"Yeah, you guys got in my head. I shat the bed."
The League (2009)
"Look at Phil Simms or Boomer Esiason this year."
The League (2009)
"Watch out, guys."
The League (2009)
"Watch out. Because next year, I'm gonna be the one making fun of you."
The League (2009)
"- Yeah? Boo. - Whoa."
The League (2009)
"- He hit it hard on that one. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"Hey, that's a nice trophy. What's it for?"
The League (2009)
"That's your name. You wrote that."
The League (2009)
"- For football. - This was in your house a year, man."
The League (2009)
"Real quick, we have to talk about the timing of the draft on Saturday."
The League (2009)
"- Oh, yeah. - I need a ride from you."
The League (2009)
"- I need to piggyback on your curfew. - No."
The League (2009)
"Because I don't wanna sleep in Ed Hardy pajamas."
The League (2009)
"- Bring your own pajamas. - No, I'm not."
The League (2009)
"- Get your own way there. - Ooh. Ruxin."
The League (2009)
"- There he is. - Hey, I'm Taco."
The League (2009)
"Did we get paroled?"
The League (2009)
"- I'm not under house arrest. I come and go. - You got all afternoon to hang out..."
The League (2009)
"- Grab one. - There."
The League (2009)
"Gather around. It's time to pick the draft order."
The League (2009)
"I spent a lot of time, lot of effort into it, got very excited."
The League (2009)
"On the count of three, pull out a paper."
The League (2009)
"Here we go. One, two, three."
The League (2009)
"- There it is. - This is really exciting."
The League (2009)
"- Tim Brady, mother* * * * * * s. - Congratulations."
The League (2009)
"The kid with your number is your kid."
The League (2009)
"Where they finish in the race is where you draft, huh, bitches?"
The League (2009)
"You didn't even pick your own child."
The League (2009)
"That's good, because she's not that fast."
The League (2009)
"- This is fantastic. I'm impressed. - I know."
The League (2009)
"Go!"
The League (2009)
"- Did you turn this into a League event? - I did."
The League (2009)
"- This is good. We're not rooting for Ellie? - No, number seven."
The League (2009)
"- Come on, seven! - Come on, seven!"
The League (2009)
"Go for it, you son of a bitch!"
The League (2009)
"- Yes! - Ball sack!"
The League (2009)
"- Mom. - Give me my child."
The League (2009)
"I love this kid. I love this kid."
The League (2009)
"- Balls. - Yes."
The League (2009)
"Suck it!"
The League (2009)
"No wife, no job, just pure football knowledge."
The League (2009)
"- He just licked a hot dog. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"No, no, no. Ruxin."
The League (2009)
"My party, my balloons, my hot dog, my Oracle. So..."
The League (2009)
"- No, no, no, baby. - What? What?"
The League (2009)
"We don't need him. You got me."
The League (2009)
"- Okay. - Okay?"
The League (2009)
"- Can I have them both? - No."
The League (2009)
"Now go get the video camera."
The League (2009)
"- Hey. - Hey."
The League (2009)
"This is for you, Ellie."
The League (2009)
"Happy birthday, princess."
The League (2009)
"It's your birthday today What does that mean"
The League (2009)
"That five years ago on this day"
The League (2009)
"It was the first time Your parents saw your beautiful face"
The League (2009)
"And they were having a good time"
The League (2009)
"Can I get your info, maybe give you a shout at some point?"
The League (2009)
"- Daughter's birthday. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"Daughter's birthday."
The League (2009)
"Happy birthday"
The League (2009)
"Happy birthday"
The League (2009)
"And when they got home They were horny as hell"
The League (2009)
"And your dad threw your mom Down on the bed"
The League (2009)
"And he tore her panties off"
The League (2009)
"Wee-wee?"
The League (2009)
"And at this point Your mom wanted to give your dad head"
The League (2009)
"But your dad also wanted..."
The League (2009)
"So they formed a 69"
The League (2009)
"And then your dad was so excited To get inside your mom"
The League (2009)
"That he forgot to put a condom on And when he realized his..."
The League (2009)
"Thank you, Taco."
The League (2009)
"- That was great. - Okay."
The League (2009)
"Taco, thank you."
The League (2009)
"- Yay for Taco. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"- Hey. - Hey."
The League (2009)
"- How are you? Do you need help? - No."
The League (2009)
"It's really good. No, we're actually trying, so I'm not drinking today."
The League (2009)
"- Get out. - No."
The League (2009)
"- Congrats. - How long have you been trying?"
The League (2009)
"Just this past month."
The League (2009)
"That's just incredible."
The League (2009)
"When the time in your life is right, that's when you should do it."
The League (2009)
"That's so funny. Our... It's..."
The League (2009)
"- Really? - Yeah, and it's so funny, except for:"
The League (2009)
"You and Kevin were so smart, there was planning."
The League (2009)
"Like, we're ready, we're gonna do it."
The League (2009)
"Planning? They have sex all the time."
The League (2009)
"Clearly Kevin doesn't have slow swimmers, does he?"
The League (2009)
"We should have sex more often, because someone..."
The League (2009)
"How does a woman know that her husband has slow swimmers?"
The League (2009)
"Because obviously..."
The League (2009)
"It's like CSI. Gotta scoop it up. You pull out, I scoop it up."
The League (2009)
"I clean up. I get to the bottom."
The League (2009)
"You know, I need to know."
The League (2009)
"Maybe my swimmers wouldn't be so slow..."
The League (2009)
"- Wow. - I think that tends to..."
The League (2009)
"Whore."
The League (2009)
"Good girl."
The League (2009)
"When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices."
The League (2009)
"First pick, Adrian Peterson."
The League (2009)
"I mean, the guy has hammies that could literally pull a car."
The League (2009)
"He's got these shoebox calves, that beautiful chestnut-black skin."
The League (2009)
"- I know that sounds weird. - That's creepy."
The League (2009)
"A 9-year-old who will work his testicle-free magic..."
The League (2009)
"- to provide picks and the scientific precision..."
The League (2009)
"...that will take me to the top and make this the year of the Ruxin."
The League (2009)
"Stop. Just please stop talking."
The League (2009)
"Go inside and be professional, do our jobs."
The League (2009)
"- How you doing? Everything good? - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"And we have what I believe is enough evidence to put you away for 10 years."
The League (2009)
"Oh, no, no, no. Ernie's an innocent man."
The League (2009)
"So he's not going away for any time."
The League (2009)
"There you go."
The League (2009)
"...at the surveillance cameras of all three liquor stores?"
The League (2009)
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