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Clips from South Park - Mystery of the Urinal Deuce (S10E10)

"And so, class, that is when Joe Lee countered back to Aniston and said things like-"
South Park
"Oh hello Mr. Mackey."
South Park
"All the girls go out in the hall please?"
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"I need to speak with the boys of this class, m'kay?"
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"Boys, we have a very serious problem!"
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"I've just come from the men's restroom and somebody went number 2 in the urinal!"
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"What's an urinal? - A wall toilet for peeing in."
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"And some jokester took a poop in it! Okay?"
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"Now I want whoever did it to come forward right now"
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"and it will be less painful for everybody! M'kay?!"
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"Who would take a ddump in a urinal? It's such a s-senseless crime."
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"Mr. Mackey, I think you might want to entertain that this is some kind of conspiracy."
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"Just like 9/11. - Oh God, here we go again!"
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"Nine-eleven was not a conspiracy, fatass! - Oh really?!"
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"Do you just believe everything you're tolk, Kyle? - Excuse me!"
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"Could we get back to the issue, please?!"
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"You all don't seem to understand how serious this is!"
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"Now who made dookie in the urinal?!"
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"Oh, you think it's funny, huh?! M'kay! M'kay!"
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"You're gonna think it's real funny when the police get here!"
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"I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey, but there just isn't really any evidence to go on."
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"But there must have been some motive."
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"Nobody would just dook in the urinal for no reason."
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"But who would benefit from crapping in the urinal?"
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"Uh this is too big a mystery for me. I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys."
South Park
"The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers with a knack for solving mysteries."
South Park
"The Hardly Boys in: "The Mystery of the Urinal Turd"."
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"So, that's it, Hardly Boys, we've got no leads and nobody admitting to the crime."
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"That sure is a mystery. - Yeah, it sounds super-hard."
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"Whoever did it must have been angry with the school."
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"I think I'm getting a clue. - Really?"
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"Yeah, this is totally giving me a clue right now."
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"I'm starting to get a clue too. - My clue is kind of pointing this way."
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"Yeah, now I've got a total clue."
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"I've still got a raging clue."
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"My clue's pointing over there now! - Oh, let's follow that clue!"
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"Did they find out who crapped in the urinal yet? - Not yet."
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"They aren't going to find out who did it."
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"But they'll make up a scapegoat, send him to detention, and make us all believe it."
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"It'll be 9/11 all over again."
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"Will you shut up about 9/11! - Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?!"
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"Because anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard!"
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"Oh really?"
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"Well did you know that over one-fourth of people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy?"
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"Are you saying that one-fourth of Americans are retards?"
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"Yes. I'm saying one-fourth of Americans are retards."
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"Yeah, at least one-fourth."
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"Let's take a test sample: There's four of us, you're a retard, that's one-fourth."
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"There are soo many people who know the truth, Kyle. Uh Butters!"
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"Hey, fellas!"
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"Butters, do you think 9/11 was just a plot by some angry terrorists"
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"or do you think there was some kind of coverup?"
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"Well, I heard that 9/11 was caused by President Bush."
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"Aha! Do you see? - Where did you hear that?"
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"From Eric. - I rest my case."
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"Butters, you don't really believe that, do you?"
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"Well, l-uh, I mean, uu, you never know."
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"Uh the government does some pretty spooky things."
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"The government and the corporations headed by the Jews that tear down 9/11"
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"That's right, Butters. - Goddamnit!"
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"You see what happens when you spread this stupid crap, fatass?!"
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"What?! People see the truth?!"
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"Can I go now? - You guys are blind!"
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"I can't believe that everyone here is just buying into what they're told by the media!"
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"I'm gonna go find out the truth."
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"I'm gonna blow the lid off this whole 9/11 conspiracy once and for all!"
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"Oh no..."
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"It is wrong for me to ask questions?"
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"Is it wrong to seek the truth?"
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"I just can't blindly accept their version."
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"I can't base my logic on proof."
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"Almost all the evidence points one way."
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"But I'm like Charlie Sheen and Gloria Estefan."
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"I need to know what really happened On 9/11-leven-leven-leven-leven."
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"What really happened On 9/11?"
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"Of course. It's so obvious."
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"How did we not see it before?"
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"This is my frog he doesn't have a name."
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"He's a frog not a toad because toads don't ribbit. I think frogs are good pets."
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"Okay, thank you, Leroy, thanks for sharing your dumb little frog with the class."
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"Okay, anybody else have anything for Show and Tell?"
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"All right, Eric, you can go next."
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"For Show and Tell today I have brought..."
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"my shocking Powerpoint report on the truth..."
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"behind the 9/11 attacks!"
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"Oh Christ."
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"We are told to believe that the fire from the jet fuel melted the steel framing of the towers"
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"which led to their collapse."
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"But did you know jet fuel doesn't burn at a high enough temperature to melt steel?"
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"We were told the Pentagon was hit by a hijacked plane as well"
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"but now look at this photo of the Pentagon. The hole is not nearly big enough."
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"And if a plane hit it, where is the rest of the plane?"
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"So now, the inevitable question: if terrorists didn't cause 9/11, who did?"
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"Remember that there are in fact two towers."
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"Two minus one is one; one one - 11."
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"Two minus one is one, one one."
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"and there are nine members on Silverstein's board of directors."
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"That's nine-one-one. Nine-eleven."
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"And take 2 - 1 + 9/11 and you get 12"
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"which leads us all to the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks."
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"Kyle!"
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"Me?"
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"Twelve contains the numbers one and two"
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"just like the toilet yesterday where womebody went number two instead of number one!"
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"And one and two with 911 and you get 914! Drop the 4 and it's 91!"
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"Exactly the score Kyle got on his spelling test twelve days after 9/11!"
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"Who has the most to gain from 9/11?! Kyle!"
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"Who was nowhere to be found the morning the towers fell?! Kyle!"
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"Who dropped the deuce in the urinal?! Kyle!"
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"But probably the most damning of all is the evidence seen in this photo of Tower 2!"
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"When I zoomed in I saw what first appeared to be a blur, but when I computer-enhanced it."
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"You almost got away with it, you sneaky butthole."
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"Hey Token."
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"You you gonna watch the game tonight, Butters."
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"All right, all right, I was not responsible for 9/11!"
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"God-damnit!"
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"Hello bubbe, how was school today? - Terrible."
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"Oh, come on, school isn't all that bad."
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"But, everyone thinks I was responsible for 9/11."
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"Whatwhatwhaaat?!"
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