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Clips from Cheers - Pick a Con... Any Con (S01E01)

You're in a pretty good mood tonight.

"You're in a pretty good mood tonight."

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Why not?

"Why not?"

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l was up till two in the morning finishing off Kierkegaard.

"l was up till two in the morning finishing off Kierkegaard."

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l hope he thanked you for it.

"l hope he thanked you for it."

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l see Coach and George are still at it.

"l see Coach and George are still at it."

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Yeah. lt's kind of fun. They enjoy each other's company.

"Yeah. lt's kind of fun. They enjoy each other's company."

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lt's nice to have someone your own age to spend time with.

"lt's nice to have someone your own age to spend time with."

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You've been through the same fads. You don't have to explain things.

"You've been through the same fads. You don't have to explain things."

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- There's a real comfort in that. - Too bad we're not closer in age.

"- There's a real comfort in that. - Too bad we're not closer in age."

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lsn't it?

"lsn't it?"

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However, six or seven years really isn't that much.

"However, six or seven years really isn't that much."

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l would have thought eight or nine.

"l would have thought eight or nine."

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- l find older men stimulating. - l hope you're not talking about me.

"- l find older men stimulating. - l hope you're not talking about me."

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Certainly not. You're not in the least bit stimulating.

"Certainly not. You're not in the least bit stimulating."

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Listen. Seriously, l would not worry about your age.

"Listen. Seriously, l would not worry about your age."

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You're obviously young enough to bring that Kierkegaard fellow home.

"You're obviously young enough to bring that Kierkegaard fellow home."

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Do you two think that you could put your glands on hold

"Do you two think that you could put your glands on hold"

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long enough to get some work done here?

"long enough to get some work done here?"

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You win again, George.

"You win again, George."

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l just had all the cards today, Coach. You'll get me tomorrow.

"l just had all the cards today, Coach. You'll get me tomorrow."

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You bet l will. Take it easy, pal.

"You bet l will. Take it easy, pal."

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Always do. See you, pal. See you, folks.

"Always do. See you, pal. See you, folks."

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- Take care. - Bye.

"- Take care. - Bye."

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Sam, can l borrow 20 bucks till payday?

"Sam, can l borrow 20 bucks till payday?"

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You bet.

"You bet."

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- Boy, was that George hot! - l didn't know you played for money.

"- Boy, was that George hot! - l didn't know you played for money."

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Every day for months.

"Every day for months."

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- How many games have you won? - lf l had to guess, let me see...

"- How many games have you won? - lf l had to guess, let me see..."

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None.

"None."

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None?

"None?"

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Sam, l've been right in there every game.

"Sam, l've been right in there every game."

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- Coach, that guy's a hustler. - George and me, we're like pals.

"- Coach, that guy's a hustler. - George and me, we're like pals."

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That's how they operate. Trust me.

"That's how they operate. Trust me."

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- We're only playing for fun. - How much fun have you lost?

"- We're only playing for fun. - How much fun have you lost?"

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- About eight grand. - Eight grand?

"- About eight grand. - Eight grand?"

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That's spread over since last February.

"That's spread over since last February."

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Don't you see what he's doing? He's taking you for everything you got.

"Don't you see what he's doing? He's taking you for everything you got."

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l can't believe it.

"l can't believe it."

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Sam, you are at least six or seven years older than l am. Admit it.

"Sam, you are at least six or seven years older than l am. Admit it."

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Wait a second.

"Wait a second."

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We just discovered George has been hustling Coach for a lot of money.

"We just discovered George has been hustling Coach for a lot of money."

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George? That sweet, white-haired gentleman?

"George? That sweet, white-haired gentleman?"

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- Piffle. - No, Diane, it's true.

"- Piffle. - No, Diane, it's true."

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Sam, isn't there anything we can do about it?

"Sam, isn't there anything we can do about it?"

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l got it. We beat him up, strip him, take his money and put him on a bus.

"l got it. We beat him up, strip him, take his money and put him on a bus."

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- Subtle, Carla. - That's how l got to Boston.

"- Subtle, Carla. - That's how l got to Boston."

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l just had the worst idea l've ever had.

"l just had the worst idea l've ever had."

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- Worse than hiring her? - The second worst idea.

"- Worse than hiring her? - The second worst idea."

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Remember Harry?

"Remember Harry?"

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Maybe he could help us out here.

"Maybe he could help us out here."

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You mean that hustler you're always throwing out?

"You mean that hustler you're always throwing out?"

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That's like calling Spinoza to settle an argument

"That's like calling Spinoza to settle an argument"

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between Nietzsche and Schopenhauer.

"between Nietzsche and Schopenhauer."

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She's got a point there, Sam.

"She's got a point there, Sam."

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Look, l think it's a mistake to trust Harry.

"Look, l think it's a mistake to trust Harry."

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George is a con men. Harry's a con man. What's the old saying?

"George is a con men. Harry's a con man. What's the old saying?"

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- ''Send a thief...'' - ''To camp for the summer.''

"- ''Send a thief...'' - ''To camp for the summer.''"

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l don't even know where to find him.

"l don't even know where to find him."

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l know exactly where he is. ln jail, like he always is.

"l know exactly where he is. ln jail, like he always is."

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You sure?

"You sure?"

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ln Boston, for the city jail. Sure you don't mind me doing this?

"ln Boston, for the city jail. Sure you don't mind me doing this?"

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No, go ahead. l use lnformation to get numbers all the time.

"No, go ahead. l use lnformation to get numbers all the time."

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Coach.

"Coach."

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- Hi, Harry. - Harry...

"- Hi, Harry. - Harry..."

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..Here's the 1 0 bucks l'm gonna owe you in about five minutes.

"..Here's the 1 0 bucks l'm gonna owe you in about five minutes."

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Thanks. Coach, where's Sam?

"Thanks. Coach, where's Sam?"

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- He'll be out in a minute. - Wanna play for a drink?

"- He'll be out in a minute. - Wanna play for a drink?"

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Not a chance, Harry. No way.

"Not a chance, Harry. No way."

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Don't show fear.

"Don't show fear."

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He smells fear.

"He smells fear."

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Cliff. You feel lucky?

"Cliff. You feel lucky?"

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- Sure. Why? - Tell you what.

"- Sure. Why? - Tell you what."

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l'll bet you a dime l can drink that drink without touching the hat.

"l'll bet you a dime l can drink that drink without touching the hat."

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A dime?

"A dime?"

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- OK. You're on. - You'll love this.

"- OK. You're on. - You'll love this."

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lt's gone.

"lt's gone."

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What's so good about that? Anybody can do that. l can do that.

"What's so good about that? Anybody can do that. l can do that."

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- No. - A dime?

"- No. - A dime?"

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Coach, another shot, please.

"Coach, another shot, please."

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A dime says l can drink the old shot without touching the old chapeau.

"A dime says l can drink the old shot without touching the old chapeau."

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Are you ready? l'll be right back.

"Are you ready? l'll be right back."

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OK, that baby's gone.

"OK, that baby's gone."

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That's great, Cliff. That's worth a dime.

"That's great, Cliff. That's worth a dime."

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You can laugh, but at least l got my money back.

"You can laugh, but at least l got my money back."

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Five bucks for the booze, Cliffo.

"Five bucks for the booze, Cliffo."

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- Thanks, Cliff. - Any time, Harry.

"- Thanks, Cliff. - Any time, Harry."

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What's the matter?

"What's the matter?"

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lf you gave as much to the space programme as you have to him,

"lf you gave as much to the space programme as you have to him,"

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we'd have condos on Venus.

"we'd have condos on Venus."

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Thank you for coming. Can l get you a drink?

"Thank you for coming. Can l get you a drink?"

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- For free is too easy. - Let's go sit down over there.

"- For free is too easy. - Let's go sit down over there."

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Coach, you wanna join us? Carla, you got the bar?

"Coach, you wanna join us? Carla, you got the bar?"

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She always gets to watch the bar.

"She always gets to watch the bar."

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- Diane, you may have the bar. - Goody.

"- Diane, you may have the bar. - Goody."

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Diane has the bar.

"Diane has the bar."

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- Yes? - l need a Bloody Mary.

"- Yes? - l need a Bloody Mary."

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A Bloody Mary coming up.

"A Bloody Mary coming up."

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Where do we keep the Mary?

"Where do we keep the Mary?"

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''The Bartender's Guide.''

"''The Bartender's Guide.''"

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''The Bloody Mary.''

"''The Bloody Mary.''"

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''There's nothing like a fresh Bloody Mary to start any day.''

"''There's nothing like a fresh Bloody Mary to start any day.''"

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''A traditional favourite served with lunch, brunch,

"''A traditional favourite served with lunch, brunch,"

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and often as the 'hair of the dog that bit you'.''

"and often as the 'hair of the dog that bit you'.''"

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- ''lts name derives from...'' - Make the drink!

"- ''lts name derives from...'' - Make the drink!"

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That's Eddie the Mole from Phoenix. They call him Mole Man, or Moley.

"That's Eddie the Mole from Phoenix. They call him Mole Man, or Moley."

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- ln Philly they call him Sid. - Sid?

"- ln Philly they call him Sid. - Sid?"

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Philly's a dull town.

"Philly's a dull town."

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So, what you're saying is he's pretty well-known?

"So, what you're saying is he's pretty well-known?"

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Any bird-dogger knows him. He runs paper and cubes,

"Any bird-dogger knows him. He runs paper and cubes,"

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mainly in the crib, sometimes up against the wall.

"mainly in the crib, sometimes up against the wall."

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Puts on a straight-up-guy front,

"Puts on a straight-up-guy front,"

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and then grinds away slow with coolers and hop toads,

"and then grinds away slow with coolers and hop toads,"

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real rip and tear kind of stuff.

"real rip and tear kind of stuff."

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Yeah. That sounds like him.

"Yeah. That sounds like him."

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lt seems to me he got in trouble with the boys in Vegas last year.

"lt seems to me he got in trouble with the boys in Vegas last year."

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"He's been keeping a low profile. Could be him."

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A lot of those guys lay low by making small money off dumb saps.

"A lot of those guys lay low by making small money off dumb saps."

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So where do l come in?

"So where do l come in?"

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Sam, excuse me. Where do you keep the measuring spoons?

"Sam, excuse me. Where do you keep the measuring spoons?"

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- We don't have any. - What?

"- We don't have any. - What?"

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