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Clips from Single Drunk Female - Pilot (S01E01)

"Oh, no, you should keep the boat."
Single Drunk Female
"I don't know how to drive a boat,"
Single Drunk Female
"but it couldn't be that hard to learn. (laughs)"
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, um, look, o‐owning a boat is not a real problem."
Single Drunk Female
"I got real problems, and I got to go."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah. Bye."
Single Drunk Female
"Sorry. My sister is still "grieving.""
Single Drunk Female
"So, your lucky streak continues."
Single Drunk Female
"‐That's funny. I don't feel very lucky. ‐Oh."
Single Drunk Female
"Well, the judge assigned to your case"
Single Drunk Female
"approved your pre‐trial probation."
Single Drunk Female
"‐And that means? ‐I mean,"
Single Drunk Female
"I recommended 60 days of jail time."
Single Drunk Female
"‐What? ‐But with overcrowding and good behavior,"
Single Drunk Female
"it would have been, like, two weeks."
Single Drunk Female
"But that judge‐‐ he overruled me."
Single Drunk Female
"So... so what is happening?"
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, you're not going to jail."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Mm‐mmm. ‐Oh, my God."
Single Drunk Female
"No, no, no, no, no. But over the next 12 months,"
Single Drunk Female
"you will need to complete 250 hours of community service,"
Single Drunk Female
"maintain your sobriety, go to meetings,"
Single Drunk Female
"and complete driver's ed, because apparently,"
Single Drunk Female
"you can't drive without getting drunk"
Single Drunk Female
"and hitting large objects. Just know"
Single Drunk Female
"that if you make so much as one slip‐up,"
Single Drunk Female
"you're going straight to jail."
Single Drunk Female
"So, stay on your path, and your case will be dismissed"
Single Drunk Female
"within the year. It's your choice."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Seems easy enough. ‐(laughs) Oh, let's be honest."
Single Drunk Female
"You make it hard."
Single Drunk Female
"OLIVIA: Hi."
Single Drunk Female
"Uh, hi. I have three days."
Single Drunk Female
"I want all the booze and all the sex"
Single Drunk Female
"and all the drugs all at the same time."
Single Drunk Female
"(inhales)"
Single Drunk Female
"You want to come in for a cup of tea?"
Single Drunk Female
"It's not blow, but it's all I have."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, that's all right."
Single Drunk Female
"I only do coke to help me drink more."
Single Drunk Female
"SAMANTHA: Come on. Are serious?"
Single Drunk Female
"Way to bury the lead."
Single Drunk Female
"‐What? ‐I'm Olivia Elliot,"
Single Drunk Female
"and this is... Off Our Docs."
Single Drunk Female
"You're a listener? (chuckles)"
Single Drunk Female
"Big‐time. Big‐time listener."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Yeah. ‐Wow."
Single Drunk Female
"I can't believe you're an alcoholic."
Single Drunk Female
"Anyone can be an alcoholic. It's a disease."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah. I just meant, like,"
Single Drunk Female
"this is a lot of stuff to get while you're drinking."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, I didn't get it while I was drinking."
Single Drunk Female
"I've been sober for ten years."
Single Drunk Female
"But the cash and prizes don't all come at once, so,"
Single Drunk Female
"don't call me next week asking me where your mortgage is."
Single Drunk Female
"I won't. Don't even have a job."
Single Drunk Female
"Um, my sponsee, Mindy‐‐ she manages Giovanni's Market."
Single Drunk Female
"I know she'd been looking for a cashier."
Single Drunk Female
"Wow. Okay. Got it."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay. Cashier and then Peabody and then"
Single Drunk Female
"‐Okay. ‐sick house."
Single Drunk Female
"‐And then, awesome paint colors. ‐Yeah,"
Single Drunk Female
"let's just worry about getting the job first"
Single Drunk Female
"and let your higher power take care of the rest."
Single Drunk Female
"I knew it was a cult."
Single Drunk Female
"CAROL: So, Giovanni's."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Yup. ‐I'm proud of you."
Single Drunk Female
"Definitely did not think you could do it."
Single Drunk Female
"I'm really sorry for crashing your car."
Single Drunk Female
"Don't be dramatic. It was 12 years old."
Single Drunk Female
"They don't even make parts for it anymore,"
Single Drunk Female
"so what are you gonna do?"
Single Drunk Female
"‐What are you doing? ‐What?"
Single Drunk Female
"Thought you could have one glass of wine."
Single Drunk Female
"No. No, I can't."
Single Drunk Female
"Unfortunately, that's not how it works."
Single Drunk Female
"I can do this, though, right?"
Single Drunk Female
"That's okay?"
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah. Yeah, you can do whatever you want, Mom."
Single Drunk Female
"Phew! (laughs)"
Single Drunk Female
"Not that it's a big deal or anything."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah, well, it turns out, I can't."
Single Drunk Female
"Apparently, alcoholism is a disease,"
Single Drunk Female
"and, uh... boy, do I have it."
Single Drunk Female
"Did you just say you have a disease?"
Single Drunk Female
"‐Mom... ‐You don't have a disease."
Single Drunk Female
"I know what a disease looks like."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Leukemia, for one. ‐Right. Yeah. Look,"
Single Drunk Female
"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to bring up Dad."
Single Drunk Female
"‐I really... ‐A disease is"
Single Drunk Female
"when you can't walk from your bed to the bathroom."
Single Drunk Female
"Right. I hear you."
Single Drunk Female
"Seriously. I was just trying to say that, like,"
Single Drunk Female
"it's recognized as a disease."
Single Drunk Female
"You can... you can look it up, but that's all."
Single Drunk Female
"If you want to call yourself sick,"
Single Drunk Female
"call yourself sick."
Single Drunk Female
"But don't judge me for having some wine at night,"
Single Drunk Female
"because everybody wants to have some wine at night."
Single Drunk Female
"It's hard to be a person."
Single Drunk Female
"SAMANTHA: Just doing the best that I can."
Single Drunk Female
"CAROL: I'm sure you are, and welcome."
Single Drunk Female
"The rest of us have been doing the best we can"
Single Drunk Female
"the whole time you've been drinking."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Hey, hey. You okay? ‐What?"
Single Drunk Female
"‐No. Jesus. ‐What..."
Single Drunk Female
"‐What happened? ‐Didn't know there'd be so much..."
Single Drunk Female
"stuff and feelings or whatever."
Single Drunk Female
"No, no, no, that's the worst part by, like, a long shot."
Single Drunk Female
"It's just, like, a bunch of garbage people"
Single Drunk Female
"giving me garbage advice. I don't need that."
Single Drunk Female
"I could just keep doing exactly what I'm doing,"
Single Drunk Female
"and‐and one day write an autobiography of a trash bag,"
Single Drunk Female
"featuring me, because I am an expert."
Single Drunk Female
"You know, like, I'm one of them."
Single Drunk Female
"So I'm gonna be real. Uh, that's a terrible idea."
Single Drunk Female
"You shouldn't write that. That's a bad book."
Single Drunk Female
"‐That's a real bad book. ‐(sighs)"
Single Drunk Female
"I do remember you."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Sure you do. ‐No, I do."
Single Drunk Female
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