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Clips from Veep - Congressional Ball (S05E05)

"- And this must be Mrs. Jaeger? - That's not his wife."
Veep
"- Okay. - This is one of my staffers, Nadia."
Veep
"- She's a prostitute. - Hmm."
Veep
"Well, would you like a picture for your friends and for your family?"
Veep
"- Yes... - We've got a..."
Veep
"There we go. No."
Veep
"And I want to wish you a merry Christmas."
Veep
"And I can count on your support, can't I?"
Veep
"100%. Merry Christmas."
Veep
"- Wonderful, thank you. - And Happy New Year. Nadia, let's go."
Veep
"This is Congressman Baines from Arizona."
Veep
"He's solidly O'Brien."
Veep
"Oh, let's get a picture. There we go."
Veep
"And you're out of here. You can go."
Veep
"Catherine's 23 years old. She's fair game."
Veep
"Maybe you ride the pine on this one for a period or two."
Veep
"- Please? - All right, I'll talk to everyone."
Veep
"- I owe you. - I mean, I'd hate to be offsides."
Veep
"- What? - You know, hockey."
Veep
"Hockey. Great sport. Thank you."
Veep
"Mike, are you dating a hockey player by any chance?"
Veep
"You noticed the hockey references? Shit, I thought they were seamless."
Veep
"Listen, you can't say a word, but our surrogate is pregnant"
Veep
"and I've been talking to somebody in the NHL"
Veep
"about a job as director of communications."
Veep
"So win or lose, I'm out of here."
Veep
"Well, let me get my good-byes out of the way now."
Veep
"Congressman, the president would love to have a clutch with you in the Green Room."
Veep
"- Oh, of course. - Great."
Veep
"- Hey. - Hi."
Veep
"Carson City, Nevada."
Veep
"Ah, Buddy Calhoun"
Veep
"in a tie that's not made out of string."
Veep
"You're the only woman who's ever threatened"
Veep
"to grate my balls over a bowl of spaghetti."
Veep
"- Night's still young. Knock yourself out. - Well, yeah."
Veep
"Madam President, we are looking to build a 9/11 memorial in Bozeman."
Veep
"That sounds superb."
Veep
"Wonderful, because, you know, never forget."
Veep
"- That's right. - Always remember."
Veep
"But can you remind me exactly what happened"
Veep
"in Bozeman on 9/11?"
Veep
"This is mainly focused on our first responders."
Veep
"Oh, that's so important."
Veep
"Our first responders were terribly traumatized"
Veep
"by what happened to the first responders in New York."
Veep
"Yeah, I get that. That's, uh..."
Veep
"- Wow. - That's... wow. Yeah, Ben."
Veep
"You know, I am sure there is a little something"
Veep
"we can find somewhere for such a great project, sir."
Veep
"Roger, what do you think?"
Veep
"Oh, I'm sure we can just slip it under the skirt"
Veep
"of the Homeland Security budget. Tell him why, Will."
Veep
"The budget has a fatter, more womanly behind than myself."
Veep
"Excuse me. Aren't you Gary Walsh?"
Veep
"- What did I do? - You've got to come meet my daughter."
Veep
"- She saw you in The Hill. - Oh."
Veep
"She's single, divorced, has a kid."
Veep
"- But he's really a sweetheart. - Oh, how nice."
Veep
"God, I feel like somebody's playing a trick on him."
Veep
"They're about to dump a bucket of pig's blood on his head."
Veep
"- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (CHATTER)"
Veep
"- You having a good time, Amy? - Eh."
Veep
"Can't believe how many compliments I'm getting about the hot list."
Veep
"(LAUGHS)"
Veep
"Don't people around here have anything better"
Veep
"to talk about than the stupid hot list?"
Veep
"- Amy, do you want some advice? - Definitely not."
Veep
"Listen, don't worry so much about what's up here, okay?"
Veep
"Worry about what's in here. And if you work at that,"
Veep
"I'm telling you, you're gonna be back on the hot list, Amy."
Veep
"I'm not saying you're gonna be in the top 20,"
Veep
"but you would be a lock for, like, mid 40s."
Veep
"Thank you."
Veep
"Look at him, he's smiling like his shit's all pine-fresh smelling."
Veep
"Oh, okay."
Veep
"- What are you doing? - What?"
Veep
"You're looking at yourself in the mirror?"
Veep
"- You look wonderful. - Yeah."
Veep
"WOMAN: Madam President."
Veep
"This is Connie DiBenedetto of Oregon."
Veep
"She's the chairman of the Gay and Lesbian Caucus."
Veep
"Actually, she's the only member of the Gay and Lesbian Caucus."
Veep
"I'd like to take just a moment of your time"
Veep
"to talk to you about your environmental policy."
Veep
"Oh, yes. Uh-huh."
Veep
"- I know it's politically risky... - Come this way."
Veep
"...but, you know, a carbon tax is the only way to go."
Veep
"- Yeah, you've met my daughter Catherine? - No."
Veep
"And this is her special friend Marjorie."
Veep
"I want to get a picture of all of us."
Veep
"No, Mom, we don't want to take any photos."
Veep
"Sure, we do. We're dying to do that."
Veep
"So, here we go right here."
Veep
"Let's all say girl power."
Veep
"- (LAUGHS) Girl power. - Girl power."
Veep
"Listen, I wish I was hip enough to hang here with you all,"
Veep
"- but I've got to go deal with... - You're a busy girl."
Veep
"- Tell Liz I love her. - Oh, I will."
Veep
"- Okay. Okay. Bye-bye. - She'll love that. Bye."
Veep
"♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, a dreidel I will play... ♪"
Veep
"- The Brandeis Chigh-notes. - Hmm."
Veep
"Tonight we've got the bowling alley appearance"
Veep
"and we can't have any more gaffes."
Veep
"I got it! I got it!"
Veep
"The widow saw me filming her and she got mad."
Veep
"She called me some truly awful things."
Veep
"- Oh, thank you, Satan. - I think this is a game changer."
Veep
"(APPLAUSE)"
Veep
"JUDY: Thank you all so much for coming."
Veep
"RICHARD: Oh, my God, I got it. I think I got it!"
Veep
"You know, I think I see what happened there."
Veep
"Richard, you good boy. (LAUGHS)"
Veep
"I went to turn it on, but it was already on, so I turned it off."
Veep
"Then I went to turn it off, but it already was off, so I turned it on."
Veep
"(SIGHS) I had such plans for you, Richard."
Veep
"Congressman Baxter, I completely believe you"
Veep
"about the whole men's room incident."
Veep
"It sounded very plausible to me."
Veep
"So I want to also wish you a merry Christmas."
Veep
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