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Clips from Veep - Congressional Ball (S05E05)

"SELINA: Congresswoman Nickerson, I just want you to know"
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"that I won't forget my friends in Congress."
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"These are fabulous."
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"- Wow. - Her people say she wants the mug."
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"Would you like to keep the mugs for your... minivan?"
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"How did you know I have a minivan?"
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"- Just a good guess. - (LAUGHS)"
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"Before I ran for Congress, I was a stay-at-home mother of six."
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"Ugh, yeah."
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"I tell you, if I could not get there in a minivan, then I wasn't going."
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"- Right. - You know the drill."
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"Indeed I do, yeah."
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"I mean, my license expired a few years ago,"
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"but I get the general idea."
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"So, Penny. Penny."
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"We want to reauthorize the amphibious fighting boat"
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"and have them built in your district."
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"I saw a blanket out front that said Air Force One on it."
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"It looks really beautiful."
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"Let's get one of our care packages"
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"and then we can throw one of those blankets in there."
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"- With the throw pillows? - Yeah."
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"So what do you think? Can I count on your support?"
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"Okey-dokey, Annie Oakley."
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"- Bless your pea-picking heart. - (BOTH LAUGH)"
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"Would you like to call someone from Air Force One?"
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"- That usually freaks people out. - Oh, my gosh."
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"My Donald. He has chemo today."
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"(GASPS) Fantastic."
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"(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Let me tell you something else about Selina Meyer,"
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"our commander-in-thief."
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"Check out the tits in the third row."
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"I could dribble those things like basketballs."
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"She has destroyed the economy,"
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"made a mess of the Middle East,"
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"she ruined Thanksgiving,"
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"and that's all in just 10 months in office."
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"Kent says Jonah's up another five points."
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"- Wait, what? - We're gonna win in Nashua."
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"And we're gonna win in Peterborough and Keene"
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"and Brattleboro, yeah!"
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"My name is Jonah Ryan and I..."
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"CROWD: Won't back down!"
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"- (BAND PLAYING) - (CHEERING)"
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"- REPORTERS: Mike! Mike! Mike! - Uh, Jim. Jim."
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"Mike, the navy doesn't even want the amphibious fighting boat anymore."
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"Is it a coincidence that the plant"
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"that builds it is in Congresswoman Nickerson's district?"
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"Jim, if our nation's enemies decide to drop the puck on hostilities,"
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"then our navy and our allies will be very glad"
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"we have the military capabilities we need."
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"- Drop the puck? - Common hockey term. Uh, Donna."
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"Mike, question about the president's daughter Catherine."
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"- Is it true that... - Oh, I just heard the buzzer."
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"That is the end of the third period."
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"- See you at the next face-off. - Mike! Mike!"
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"You know, with Nickerson's support,"
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"that clinches Colorado for us four to three."
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"That doesn't look like Santa."
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"The White House officially celebrates Diwali,"
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"Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa"
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"- and Mawlid al-Nabi... - I know."
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"...the alleged birth date of the prophet Muhammad."
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"Well, I suppose putting a few pictures up of Muhammad never hurt anyone."
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"Ma'am, I'm getting a lot of press interest about Catherine"
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"- and, you know, her condition. - What?"
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"She's a lesbian, Mike. She's not a werewolf."
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"Although either one would explain why she never shaves her legs."
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"- Anything else? - Yeah."
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"The Hill's 50 Hottest Staffers list is out."
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"When does the White House's most useless press secretary list come out?"
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"I can't wait to see who's number one this year."
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"- I voted for Mike. - AMY: I hate that thing."
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"Every year it means a month of horny Senate aides looking down my blouse."
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"KENT: Also, their methodology is unsound."
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"I don't think you're in it this year, Ame."
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"There you go, Amy. Problem solved."
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"Oh, my God, Candi Caruso ranked 17."
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"Look at this picture. No way, look who's 21."
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"- Gary. - What?"
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"Who's 22? The Elephant Man?"
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"Oh, my God. (CHUCKLES)"
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"- Hey, 21. - Hmm."
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"Rose hip tea, okay? Or I'm gonna 86 you."
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"(PHONES BUZZES)"
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"DAN: Just got an endorsement from the Courier."
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"The emails from Tom Petty's lawyers keep on getting angrier and angrier."
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"How am I not on The Hill's 50 Hottest Staffers list this year?"
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"This year? It's the 50 Hottest Staffers, Jonah,"
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"not the 50 people most likely to kill themselves before trial."
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"I am on a career rocket ship to Mars right now, Dan,"
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"except I'm gonna leave Matt Damon there because the guy made potatoes"
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"in his own shit like a fucking animal."
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"The whole point of the 50 Hottest is not to be on it."
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"- You're number 26, Mr. Egan. - Yeah, five years in a row now."
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"It's to use it to learn who to fuck."
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"Who?"
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"Find a woman who was on it last year, but not this year."
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"I mean, that's like a make her pay for dinner situation."
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"Does that work?"
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"If you don't look like someone melted Play-Doh all over a flagpole, it does."
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"Wow, you're a fantastic campaign manager."
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"Yeah. Fucking Gary's number 21?"
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"What? Well, that just makes a mockery of the very idea of hot rankings."
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"Well, it makes sense. He's got beautiful eyes."
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"- SELINA: There they are. - TOM: Madam President."
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"- Hello, gentlemen. - Children."
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"All right, let's get to this. Let's make it quick."
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"Roger, you want to walk us through the drill right now?"
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"And would you please, please try and keep it clean?"
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"Madam President, tomorrow night is the president's annual"
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"holiday party for congressional members and their families."
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"Ma'am, you'll need to make the initial approach."
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"Ben will keep the offer straight."
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"Kent will keep a running tally."
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"Tom, you'll be in charge of putting out any fires."
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"And once you're all done with them, I'll move in"
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"and squirt a half gallon of ropey jism"
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"into their modeled congressional cornholes."
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