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Clips from The Great North - Avocado Barter Adventure (S01E01)

"I got a few things hanging currently,"
The Great North
"so you'll have to be more... (hawks, clears throat) specific."
The Great North
"Wonderful. Look, I'm wondering if you can get something for..."
The Great North
"-Yup. -Y-You didn't even hear what it was."
The Great North
"If it exists, I can get it. Name something."
The Great North
"-Name something? -Name something that exists,"
The Great North
"-I'll tell you if I can get it. -Uh, the master tapes"
The Great North
"-from Def Leppard's Pyromania. -Yup, I can get 'em."
The Great North
"Might take a few days."
The Great North
"You can really get the master tapes"
The Great North
"from Def Leppard's Pyromania in a few days?"
The Great North
"-Yup. -Okay. Well, today I just need"
The Great North
"some avocados for someone special."
The Great North
"(whistles) Green gold?"
The Great North
"(chuckles) That's gonna cost you."
The Great North
"Oh, of course. How much?"
The Great North
"Uh, now, bear in mind, I don't have any money."
The Great North
"-Uh, got anything to trade? -Got a gift certificate"
The Great North
"-for a couples massage. -Meet me back here in an hour."
The Great North
"-Well, that was easy. -MOON: If you say so."
The Great North
"Old Jody Jr.'s always ripping everybody off,"
The Great North
"because he thinks he's the only game in town,"
The Great North
"and that's just because he's the only game in town."
The Great North
"(sighs) Everything's gonna be fine."
The Great North
"Hey, you want to go to Maude's All Day,"
The Great North
"get an ice cream sundae while we wait?"
The Great North
"Don't patronize me."
The Great North
"And yes, I do."
The Great North
"JUDY: Wow, that was a very thorough description"
The Great North
"of your parents' faces and bodies."
The Great North
"Now, uh, take me to personality town."
The Great North
"What are they like? I mean, amazing, like you, obviously,"
The Great North
"of course, but what else, what else?"
The Great North
"-What else can you tell me? -Louis and Ruth Shaw"
The Great North
"are the Curtain King and Queen of Fresno."
The Great North
"The problem was, they wanted me to sell all that stuff, too,"
The Great North
"but hawking curtains wasn't my calling."
The Great North
"We got some beautiful denim curtains"
The Great North
"from the Brian Williams "Off the Record" collection today."
The Great North
"Honeybee, maybe you'd like to handle the launch."
The Great North
"It's good practice for when you take over the store."
The Great North
"I've told you, I don't want to take over the store."
The Great North
"-Can't Jerry do it? -Leave him out of it."
The Great North
"Guys, please don't make me take sides."
The Great North
"Except a side of these delicious mashed potatoes. Mmm."
The Great North
"Honeybee, you're the oldest."
The Great North
"Besides, Jerrybee doesn't have a business degree."
The Great North
"And he doesn't need one to sell blinds."
The Great North
"Wow. So that's all you think your mother and I do,"
The Great North
""sell blinds"?"
The Great North
"Dad, how many times have you told us the story"
The Great North
"about how you moved to Fresno with $30 in your pocket"
The Great North
"and a bolt of "uncut velvet drapery"?"
The Great North
"You followed your dreams. All I want is to follow mine."
The Great North
"(doorbell rings)"
The Great North
"Oh, I wonder who that could be."
The Great North
"Let me guess: It's Calvin Prescott,"
The Great North
"the Linoleum Prince of Fresno, pretending like he just happened"
The Great North
"to be in the neighborhood again, isn't it?"
The Great North
"It's Calvin Prescott!"
The Great North
"The Linoleum Prince of Fresno."
The Great North
"He just happened to be in the neighborhood."
The Great North
"Hello, Mr. Shaw. Jerry. Hey, Honeybee."
The Great North
"Honeybee, maybe you two should go for a drive"
The Great North
"so you can get to know each other better."
The Great North
"We've known each other since we were 12!"
The Great North
"Fine. Come on, Calvin,"
The Great North
"let's get this sham setup over with."
The Great North
"This isn't a "sham setup," young lady."
The Great North
"It's a normal, regular, very real setup."
The Great North
"Now, go fall in love with Calvin."
The Great North
"-As promised. -Uh, uh, wai..."
The Great North
"wait-wait-wait-- these are frigging pears."
The Great North
"Hot damn! Big Jeff must've ripped me off."
The Great North
"Well, you just can't trust Big Jeff."
The Great North
"But don't you worry, I'm going over there"
The Great North
"to give him a what for."
The Great North
"Good, but at the very least,"
The Great North
"I'm gonna need that gift certificate back."
The Great North
"Would if I could, but that sucker is long gone."
The Great North
"I-It's been an hour."
The Great North
"You already went and got a couples massage?"
The Great North
"I traded it for seven cartons of printer toner."
The Great North
"Old Jody Jr. has still got it."
The Great North
"Well, what am I supposed to do with these stupid pears?!"
The Great North
"Hey, when life gives you pears, make pear milk!"
The Great North
"-MOON: I... -Don't."
The Great North
"-told... -Moon."
The Great North
"-you... -Stop."
The Great North
"-so. -Dang it!"
The Great North
"WOLF: Well, great news. The second round"
The Great North
"of ice cream sundaes in an hour has given me a pretty good idea."
The Great North
"What if we just make guacamole out of these pears?"
The Great North
"And then we say, "Yum! This guac is good.""
The Great North
"Hopefully, she won't notice."
The Great North
"I think she'll notice."
The Great North
"Yeah, she notices everything."
The Great North
"And that's what I love about her."
The Great North
"Just the other day she noticed I had spaghetti all over my shirt."
The Great North
"I mean, just everywhere."
The Great North
"Dang it! Well, now I don't have avocados"
The Great North
"or a gift certificate for a couples massage!"
The Great North
"-I think I can help you. -Oh, thank you, Moon,"
The Great North
"but it would be weird, not to mention inappropriate,"
The Great North
"for you to give me and my fiancée massages."
The Great North
"No, Wolf, I'm in fifth grade."
The Great North
"Yeah, that's kind of my point."
The Great North
"Listen: our grade's entire economy"
The Great North
"is a lawless barter operation."
The Great North
"We need to go see my friend Henry."
The Great North
"If we're making Shrek decorations,"
The Great North
"the Party Posse's first order of business"
The Great North
"is to watch some Shrek."
The Great North
"-We can stream it. -Hmm, good idea."
The Great North
"I'll get my waders. (chuckles)"
The Great North
"-Because of the stream. -Very good one, Dad."
The Great North
"-Uh-oh. Is the Wi-Fi down? -Ah. Yes."
The Great North
"The falcons are using the dish as a nest again."
The Great North
"In 30 days, the circle of life will be complete,"
The Great North
"and we'll have the Wi-Fi back."
The Great North
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