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Clips from Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) - Splitting the Hairs (S01E01)

That's no good.

"That's no good."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

No, it is not.

"No, it is not."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

If she died, what would happen?

"If she died, what would happen?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

[sighs] Speaking for myself, I'd be heartbroken.

"[sighs] Speaking for myself, I'd be heartbroken."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Goes without saying.

"Goes without saying."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

What else would happen?

"What else would happen?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Well, for starters, we might have to sell the company

"Well, for starters, we might have to sell the company"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

to pay the taxes on the company.

"to pay the taxes on the company."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

That's not fair.

"That's not fair."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

[mock gasp] You should call the IRS

"[mock gasp] You should call the IRS"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

and tell them that.

"and tell them that."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

There's no need to talk to me like I'm a child.

"There's no need to talk to me like I'm a child."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Then stop talking like one.

"Then stop talking like one."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

[mocking]: "Stop talking like one."

"[mocking]: "Stop talking like one.""

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

What's the big deal?

"What's the big deal?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

So we tell Mom to make a will.

"So we tell Mom to make a will."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Are you volunteering?

"Are you volunteering?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Sure. Why not?Great.

"Sure. Why not?Great."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Go tell our mother, who's recovering from a stroke,

"Go tell our mother, who's recovering from a stroke,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

that she has to make plans for when she's dead.

"that she has to make plans for when she's dead."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Well, for one thing, I wouldn't say "dead."

"Well, for one thing, I wouldn't say "dead.""

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

And what would you say?

"And what would you say?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

I don't know, something more poetic,

"I don't know, something more poetic,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

like, "shuffling off the mortal coil."

"like, "shuffling off the mortal coil.""

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Did you just come up with that?

"Did you just come up with that?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Shakespeare.Oh, yeah.

"Shakespeare.Oh, yeah."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

He's good.

"He's good."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Well, go ahead, then. Go tell Mom

"Well, go ahead, then. Go tell Mom"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

she needs to make some plans before she shuffles.

"she needs to make some plans before she shuffles."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Fine.

"Fine."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Okay, you called my bluff. I don't want to.

"Okay, you called my bluff. I don't want to."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

That's what I thought. I'll take care of it.

"That's what I thought. I'll take care of it."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

So the "mortal coil" is, like, your body?

"So the "mortal coil" is, like, your body?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

That's very cool.

"That's very cool."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

[TV playing indistinctly]Can we talk?

"[TV playing indistinctly]Can we talk?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Well, it's not like I can run away.

"Well, it's not like I can run away."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Hey, I owe you an apology.

"Hey, I owe you an apology."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Really? For what?

"Really? For what?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

I saw this thing on the news

"I saw this thing on the news"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

about baby powder causing cancer.

"about baby powder causing cancer."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Yeah, so?

"Yeah, so?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

When you were little, I used that stuff every day.

"When you were little, I used that stuff every day."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Dipped you in it like you were a powdered doughnut.

"Dipped you in it like you were a powdered doughnut."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

So, sorry.

"So, sorry."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Eh, you didn't know.

"Eh, you didn't know."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Now, the smoking when you were pregnant,

"Now, the smoking when you were pregnant,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

that's something you knew about.

"that's something you knew about."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

What can I tell you? I didn't want a big baby.

"What can I tell you? I didn't want a big baby."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Clearly didn't stunt yourgrowth.

"Clearly didn't stunt yourgrowth."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Thanks for making this easier.

"Thanks for making this easier."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

I was just talking

"I was just talking"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

to Goldfischer.

"to Goldfischer."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Our Jew lawyer?

"Our Jew lawyer?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Mom!What?

"Mom!What?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

He says it.

"He says it."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Listen to my phone messages.

"Listen to my phone messages."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

"Hi. It's Arnie Goldfischer, your favorite Jew lawyer."

""Hi. It's Arnie Goldfischer, your favorite Jew lawyer.""

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

I was at his kid's bar mitzvah. Gave him 500 bucks.

"I was at his kid's bar mitzvah. Gave him 500 bucks."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

The little pisher never sent me a thank-you card.

"The little pisher never sent me a thank-you card."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Still can't say it.

"Still can't say it."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

All right!

"All right!"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

He has informed me that despite his best efforts,

"He has informed me that despite his best efforts,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

you have refused to make out a will.

"you have refused to make out a will."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Really? You want to talk about this now?

"Really? You want to talk about this now?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Look at me. I'm like a marionette with a broken string.

"Look at me. I'm like a marionette with a broken string."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

I know

"I know"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

it's an uncomfortable subject, but we would have a hard time

"it's an uncomfortable subject, but we would have a hard time"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

holding on to this business if you were to suddenly...

"holding on to this business if you were to suddenly..."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

shuffle off your mortal coil.

"shuffle off your mortal coil."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Shakespeare.

"Shakespeare."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Nice.

"Nice."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

So if I were

"So if I were"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

to write up this will, what do you think would be fair?

"to write up this will, what do you think would be fair?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Split up the company equally

"Split up the company equally"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

between you, Christina and Douglas?

"between you, Christina and Douglas?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Well, I mean, yeah, traditionally,

"Well, I mean, yeah, traditionally,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

that would be the way to go.

"that would be the way to go."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

But you got to take into account

"But you got to take into account"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

the reality of the current management structure.

"the reality of the current management structure."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Oh, just spill it.

"Oh, just spill it."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Douglas and Christina are dead weight.

"Douglas and Christina are dead weight."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

You need to give me control of the company.

"You need to give me control of the company."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Attaboy.

"Attaboy."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

All right, let me think on it.

"All right, let me think on it."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

What's to think about?

"What's to think about?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Bob...

"Bob..."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

while my children may not be equal,

"while my children may not be equal,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

I love them equally.

"I love them equally."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Well, that's a beautiful sentiment.

"Well, that's a beautiful sentiment."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Oh, good, you believe me.

"Oh, good, you believe me."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Now go call Goldfischer

"Now go call Goldfischer"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

and tell him to come by next week.

"and tell him to come by next week."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Unless it's one of his holidays.

"Unless it's one of his holidays."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

[sighs]

"[sighs]"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

How you feel about Puerto Rican cops?

"How you feel about Puerto Rican cops?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Excuse me?

"Excuse me?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

My husband's partner just got divorced,

"My husband's partner just got divorced,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

and he's looking to get back on the horse.

"and he's looking to get back on the horse."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

And I would be the horse?

"And I would be the horse?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Only if you like grown men with braces.

"Only if you like grown men with braces."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

On his teeth or his legs?

"On his teeth or his legs?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

His teeth. He was a thumb-sucker as a child.

"His teeth. He was a thumb-sucker as a child."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

He sounds quite wonderful,

"He sounds quite wonderful,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

but I'm trying to make it work with Bob.

"but I'm trying to make it work with Bob."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

No hurry. I'm guessing he'll be single for a while.

"No hurry. I'm guessing he'll be single for a while."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Hello.Hey.

"Hello.Hey."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Were you able to run your errands?

"Were you able to run your errands?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

What?

"What?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Oh, yes, yes.

"Oh, yes, yes."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

He's also a year away from retirement,

"He's also a year away from retirement,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

so you'd get a pension and a Winnebago.

"so you'd get a pension and a Winnebago."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Again, thank you, but I'm sticking with Bob.

"Again, thank you, but I'm sticking with Bob."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

That reminds me.

"That reminds me."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Since you are no longer interested in Chukwuemeka,

"Since you are no longer interested in Chukwuemeka,"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

what would you think if I set him up with somebody else?

"what would you think if I set him up with somebody else?"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Why would you do that? He's so boring and arrogant.

"Why would you do that? He's so boring and arrogant."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Yes, you are right. But maybe there's

"Yes, you are right. But maybe there's"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

a woman out there who can see past those flaws.

"a woman out there who can see past those flaws."

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

Someone with a lot of love to give

"Someone with a lot of love to give"

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019)

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