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Clips from Avenue 5 - Wait a Minute, Then Who Was That on the Ladder? (S01E01)

"Remember that vigil for the children"
Avenue 5
"-who died in the French famine? -Très tragic."
Avenue 5
"We need to shit on that vigil. How do we do that?"
Avenue 5
"-Actors. -They gotta be sad-looking"
Avenue 5
"and non-union."
Avenue 5
"Hmm, one thing usually means the other."
Avenue 5
"-Where is the real captain? -He's..."
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"Uh-uh. No. That's not happening."
Avenue 5
"We are trapped here unless I show leadership."
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"And I need you"
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"-to help me do that. -Give me one of those."
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"-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -Yes?"
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"What's the impact on the voyage?"
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"Three years plus six months."
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"-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -BILLIE MCEVOY: Do you notice"
Avenue 5
"anything about this oddly good-looking group of people?"
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"They're actors. Meet your real engineers."
Avenue 5
"What is this, a betting syndicate?"
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"Hey, man. Uh... Captain."
Avenue 5
"♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪"
Avenue 5
"(RYAN HUMS)"
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"Owner on the bridge. Everybody, carry on as normal."
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"Why wouldn't you?"
Avenue 5
"What's going on in here? Smells tense."
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"(DANISH ACCENT) Tense is my middle name."
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"Tense is my middle name!"
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Oh, bugger. I'm still here."
Avenue 5
"SPIKE MARTIN: Captain, I'm gonna get a gander on some of this stuff,"
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"because I think that--"
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) Oh, no! Sorry, can't..."
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"Can't let you see that, because then I'd have"
Avenue 5
"to sleep with you to find out what you saw,"
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"-and then kill you. (LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS) We've all been there!"
Avenue 5
"Oh."
Avenue 5
"♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪"
Avenue 5
"Hi. I'm your captain, Ryan Clark. How are you doing?"
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) No, how are you doing?"
Avenue 5
"No, how are you doing?"
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"You tell me. No, you tell me."
Avenue 5
"You tell me, arsehole!"
Avenue 5
"♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪"
Avenue 5
"Let's look at what's trending this hour."
Avenue 5
"Avenue 5 is stuck in space. I don't think I'm alone"
Avenue 5
"in thinking, "Thank fuck I'm not on that ship!""
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"The passengers are angry, as I would be"
Avenue 5
"if I had their crappy lives. Good morning."
Avenue 5
"MAN: Shove your attitude."
Avenue 5
"Anyone giving negative comments should be blacklisted"
Avenue 5
"from all future voyages. How would they like that?"
Avenue 5
"I imagine they might like that a lot."
Avenue 5
"Well, this feels real."
Avenue 5
"(AMERICAN ACCENT) Morning, ma'am! A new dawn has broken."
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"So has our toilet. We're not animals, you know."
Avenue 5
"Right. I will-- I will talk to Matt about that."
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Good luck pissing in the basement"
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"for the next three years."
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"Good morning, captain. Oh, you look haunted."
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"Thanks."
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"How are you adjusting to all of this?"
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"Well, you know,"
Avenue 5
"just a little bit curious as to why you never told me"
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"that the whole crew are a bunch of fakes who have been"
Avenue 5
"shat out of Julliard."
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"Well, I didn't think you would react well."
Avenue 5
"Here you are, hissing at me in a hallway."
Avenue 5
"This is radiation."
Avenue 5
"And that moon-botherer is real. You couldn't make that up."
Avenue 5
"Now, ships are constantly being bombarded by cosmic rays."
Avenue 5
"It's deadly! So, how do we fight it off?"
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"Ooh, I know, I know! Poop!"
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"-Uh-- -(CHILDREN LAUGHING)"
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"Smart kid! Zeke is right."
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"A shield of human waste protects us from radiation."
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) That's why they call it the poop deck!"
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"-(LAUGHTER) -No."
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"It's from the French for "stern.""
Avenue 5
"(LAUGHS)"
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"I'd close your mouth, because it's not a joke."
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"Every ship has a turd cloak."
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Has a what?"
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"You don't know about the wetsuit?"
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"(LAUGHS) Look at you, listening in on us!"
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"-(RYAN CHUCKLES) -Well, no, he knows everything."
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"He's the captain."
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) They call me Mr. Wetsuit."
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"That's one of the things we call him. (LAUGHS)"
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"Oh, look! Who is missing a genius?"
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"-Over here! -Okay."
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"Maybe I should learn about this stuff."
Avenue 5
"-Space and so on. -(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)"
Avenue 5
"Uh... I'll, um... I'll explain it to you."
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"So, all this technology, and still, human feces"
Avenue 5
"is the best way to not get cancer in space,"
Avenue 5
"which reminds me, vent the wetsuit."
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) You know what I have written on my hand?"
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"-What? -"Unclench me.""
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"WOMAN: Hey, asshole, I want my life back."
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"-IRIS KIMURA: Thank you. -HERMAN JUDD: Oh, man."
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"I don't wanna go the same way as Richard Branson!"
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"Fed to his own pigs on his private island."
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"It's still early. The passengers get easier to wrangle"
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"after the first drink."
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"The financial stuff, tell me honestly, Iris--"
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"-Yes, I do. -I didn't even ask the question!"
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""Do you think we're fucked, financially?" Answer: yes, I do."
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"Oh. I don't like being unhappy, Iris. I just don't like it."
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"IRIS: You get used to it."
Avenue 5
"Do you verbally consent to a hug?"
Avenue 5
"Ugh."
Avenue 5
"Oh. Here's an idea to get people to like you."
Avenue 5
"Drinks. Here. Cocktail party."
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"All the passengers, meet them in batches."
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"Yeah. Maybe someone will hug me there."
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"All right, so, journey time... (MUTTERING)"
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"Okay, so you can meet 19 people a week."
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"Nineteen. Odd number. Don't people come in couples?"
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"No. Widows, widowers, priests, ugly people."
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"-You're not a couple. -Neither was Zeus."
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"-And I'm basically Zeus. -He married his sister."
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"(SHUDDERS) My sister would make a selfish bride."
Avenue 5
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