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Clips from New Girl - Menzies (S02E02)

"- Schmidt? - Yeah."
New Girl
"Can I share something with you man to man?"
New Girl
"[HOLD MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE]"
New Girl
"You have to promise you will not laugh."
New Girl
"You're not talking to Nick here, you're talking to Schmidt."
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"Schmidt, I think I'm getting my period."
New Girl
"- Okay. - This is a real thing, okay?"
New Girl
"I looked it up on the internet, it's called sympathy PMS."
New Girl
"Apparently this is an affliction that men suffer from all the time."
New Girl
"- I know. - I don't know how it happened, man."
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"But somehow I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation."
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"Where would they put the tampon?"
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"Are you calling me stupid? You're stupid."
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"Okay, you jack-faced butthole."
New Girl
"Who's the jack-faced butthole who turned off the hot water?"
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"- What have you done to my body? - Shut up, you."
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"- Why's there no hot water? - I'm sorry, Jess. If you don't pay, you don't play."
New Girl
"- You also don't shower. - Are you serious?"
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"- Thank you, Denise. - Hey, great buddies."
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"- Ow, my skin! NICK: Okay."
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"Roommates, hey."
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"Something wonderful happened to me today, and I am no longer angry."
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"- It's gone. - Shut up, Nick."
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"Let me get this straight, nothing is gonna set you off?"
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"That's right. Nothing's gonna get to me because it's a new Nick Miller."
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"- Hey, Winston, tell him what you have. - Sympathy PMS, it's real, I looked it up."
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"- What's that? - No! PMS is mine! Stop stealing, Winston!"
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"- You have a pre-menstrual something now? WINSTON: Yes."
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"- You can't have my menses! - He's got her menses."
New Girl
"I feel really good, guys."
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"- Why's the water cold? - Schmidt turned off the hot water..."
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"...because it's not enough I have an interview, with the red devil in me..."
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"...I also have to go unshowered. - So there's no hot water in the house?"
New Girl
"- Yeah. - Ha, ha. Seems strange."
New Girl
"Maybe a cold shower will wake you up to some harsh financial realities, Jessica Day."
New Girl
"You don't get to control my heat, Theodore P. Gasbag!"
New Girl
"- Lot of anger. - You. You're suddenly calm..."
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"- Yeah. JESS: Really?"
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"Feels like a fat man's sitting on my uterus."
New Girl
"- I hear that. - Aah! Aah!"
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"Gotta go to the store, does anyone want anything?"
New Girl
"Thank you, Denise."
New Girl
"- Hey, you wanted to see me? - Shut the door."
New Girl
"Quick reflexes. Good."
New Girl
"I am going to devour you."
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"- See that contract? - Oh, the thick one?"
New Girl
"With all those tabbies?"
New Girl
"- Do me on it. - Pick that up."
New Girl
"Did you just ask me to pick it up to see me bend over?"
New Girl
"- No. - Oh, wait, I'm doing it."
New Girl
"Stand up."
New Girl
"[EMMA SIGHS]"
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"- What is this? - Sign it before anything can happen with us."
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""Party A absolves Party B of any..."
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"...psychological trauma whether temporary, permanent, future, or imagined"?"
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"After we do it, you'll wanna talk, I can't allow that."
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"The less risk I incur, the more I can focus on creating a viable sexual experience for us."
New Girl
"You're gonna want to sign it."
New Girl
""Possible exposure to lead paint."
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"Do I have a latex allergy"?"
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"- Very important. - "Guaranteed mercury poisoning"?"
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"- Mm. - Is this real?"
New Girl
"You have until week's end to sign it."
New Girl
"What is your name?"
New Girl
"I can't keep thinking of you as my magical best friend with no name."
New Girl
"Joe? Tommy? Louis? Tran?"
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"Is it Tran?"
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"[LAUGHS]"
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"What a crazy guess! Beautiful name, fits you perfectly."
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"My roommates are killing me."
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"You're right, I like them. I hate myself. Is that what you want me to say?"
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"Why do you have to make everything so simple?"
New Girl
"How do you just get it?"
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"How do I become you? Show me the way, man, I'll do anything."
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"[NICK GROANS]"
New Girl
"All right, man, I'm in. You lead, my man."
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"All right, whatever's about to happen is gonna happen."
New Girl
"Jessica Day?"
New Girl
"Why do you want to teach adults?"
New Girl
"...they want to read "To Kill a Mockingbird.""
New Girl
"- That they want... - Oh, I named my dog Boo after..."
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"- After Boo Radley? That's amazing. - Exactly."
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"- Oh, my God. - There's Boo as a puppy."
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"- She's so cute. - I know, such a cutie."
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"[SNIFFLES]"
New Girl
"This cup is so tiny."
New Girl
"So cute."
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"Sorry, how did she fit in the cup? I just don't understand..."
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"Just, physically, how'd she get so small?"
New Girl
"I'm sorry, um..."
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"I'm sorry I got this. I don't know what's wrong."
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"So weird. Never happens to me."
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"- She's really cute. - Yes, she was."
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"- Did she die? - It's fine."
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"[SPUTTERING]"
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"[SOBBING]"
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"Puppy..."
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"...in a..."
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"::: cup::::"
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"[CONTINUES SOBBING]"
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"So, heh-heh, we're both dog people, right?"
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"- Schmidt, am I nice? Thank you. - No."
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"Nobody thinks I'm a nice girl. I'm the mistake."
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"Oh, Robby. Midwestern heart, Midwestern body."
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"- I'm the one who messes things up. - I agree with you."
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"I feel like he doesn't even know me."
New Girl
"[CECE GROANS]"
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"- You're getting your smell all over. - Oh, my God."
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"- Took me months to get rid of that curry smell. - What happens when he realizes..."
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"...he was wrong about me the entire time? He's gonna run away."
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"But if I did, I would run way faster than Robby."
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"Because he's slow."
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"Maybe I'm just not meant for a functional relationship."
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"You know me, Schmidt."
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"You don't ever have to be nice around me. I'm not scared of you."
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"I mean, I'm bad."
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"And I do... I do bad things."
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"I don't think you're a nice girl. I think you're the worst."
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"Hmm."
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"- No. - No?"
New Girl
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