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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Lizard-Spock Expansion (S02E02)

"Oh, look. Saturn 3 is on."
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"It's all part of a technique I've been studying for picking up women."
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"You're not gonna need a wingman. You're gonna need a paramedic."
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"Howard, your scooter's blocking my car."
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"May I say, Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do..."
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"...until I've seen the Clone Wars movie."
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"I saw what you did there."
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"Uh, okay. Okay, we'll be right there."
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"You know what? Can we just forget I said "DEFCON" and go?"
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"I got the Mars rover stuck in a ditch."
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"...just outside Bakersfield. Where do you think? On Mars."
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"...and my mother won't care she's not Jewish."
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"What did work was, "How'd you like to visit a secret government facility?""
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"Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me. Can we please move on?"
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"So my friend Leonard is gonna take you home."
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"Yeah. So are you a scientist like Howard?"
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"He loves his mother a lot."
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"Are you insane? The guy was wearing an eye patch."
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"- Got it. - Yeah."
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"So can I see you again?"
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"You're not done seeing me now."
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"Hang on, there's gotta be other options."
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"- Okay, I guess we have to turn to plan B. - What's plan B?"
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"...of the Mars rover's malfunction."
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"I don't know what you're talking about."
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"- All right. Goodbye. - No, wait."
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"If someone-- And we don't know who this would be."
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"Just "Leonard went to the office.""
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"Doesn't anyone wanna know where he's going?"
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"- So how was work today? - Busy."
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"You know, I'm a physicist, so I thought about stuff."
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"- That's it? - I wrote some of it down."
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"You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett."
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"Hey, Steph, it's me again, Howard."
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"My mom cooks a hell of a brisket."
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"Hey, it's me again."
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"Okay, call me. It's Howard."
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"You want me to stop and call him back right now?"
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"Oh, Leonard."
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"You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett. Leave a message."
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"Listen, my cousins from Fort Lauderdale are flying in to meet you..."
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"I'll call you back when we firm up the details."
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"It's Howard."
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"So, what we did was in fact dating?"
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"Well, yeah, we did have a date."
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"Let me ask you something."
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"- Yeah. - Screw him, you're fine."
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"- Does that change things? - No."
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"Thank you, I had no idea!"
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"MRS. WOLOWITZ: You're gonna have to play outside!"
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"No one cares, Ma!"
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"So, what's up?"
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"Listen, I need to talk to you about something."
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"Oh."
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"...in which you are for all intents and purposes deceased."
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"...feigning an inability to hear you when you speak..."
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"These things just happen. Usually not to me, but they do happen."
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"Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon, so...."
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"Yeah, my roommate. She just went through a bad breakup."
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"It's unclear how the Mars rover got into the crevice..."
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"...that has staggering implications for all mankind."
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"Unfortunately, we'll never know who's responsible."
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"I don't wanna watch Saturn 3. Deep Space Nine is better."
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"How is Deep Space Nine better than Saturn 3?"
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"Simple subtraction will tell you it's six better."
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"Compromise. Watch Babylon 5."
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"In what sense is that a compromise?"
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"Well, five is partway between three-- Never mind."
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"Anecdotal evidence suggests that in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors..."
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"...players familiar with each other will tie 75 to 80 percent of the time..."
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"...due to the limited number of outcomes."
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"- What? - It's very simple."
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"Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock..."
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"...rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock..."
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"...Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard..."
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"...Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors."
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"Okay, I think I got it."
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"Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock."
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"Oh...."
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"Hello, boys."
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"Ahoy, matey."
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"Noticed the eye patch, did you?"
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"You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable."
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"Oh, yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage..."
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"...or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters."
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"Or in this case, the bar mitzvah boy with pink eye."
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"Mock me if you will, but it works."
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"You show up in something distinctive..."
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"...scope out your target and toss out some negs."
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"- What are negs? - A neg is a negative compliment..."
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"...that throws a pretty woman off her game, like:"
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""Normally, I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work.""
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"she notices the eye patch."
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"...with such greasy hair."
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"Yeah, just move your stupid scooter before I pick it up and throw it in the Dumpster."
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"Ow."
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"Yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series..."
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"I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended."
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"Well, I wanna watch it now."
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"Then I believe we've arrived..."
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"...at another quintessential Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock moment."
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"Watch whatever you want."
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"What'd I do?"
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"Hello? Hey, Howard."
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"What's wrong?"
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"He says he's in trouble. DEFCON 5."
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"DEFCON 5? Well, there's no need to rush."
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"- What? - DEFCON 5 means no danger."
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"DEFCON 1 is a crisis."
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"How can five not be worse than one?"
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"First of all, that's a comparison of quality, not intensity."
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"Secondly, Star Trek I is orders of magnitude worse than Star Trek V."
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"Star Trek V is the standard against which all badness is measured."
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"No, no, no."
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"Star Trek V has specific failures in writing and direction..."
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"...while Star Trek I fails across the board."
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"Art direction, costuming, music, sound editing."
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"Star Trek V."
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"- Will you at least stipulate - The Voyage Home..."
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"...is inarguably the best?"
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