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Clips from The League (2009) - The Shiva Bowl (S01E01)

"- What are you doing? - In the neighborhood."
The League (2009)
"You didn't pick up your phone."
The League (2009)
"- I'm at work. - I know."
The League (2009)
"- So... - You should check for emergencies."
The League (2009)
"And I just wanted to come in..."
The League (2009)
"...and tell you, there's no need to check his balls, his balls are fine."
The League (2009)
"That's what we're going to find out if you'd give us a few minutes."
The League (2009)
"- Not sure what the problem is, Dr. Nozic. - The problem is, you are a deviant."
The League (2009)
"Why else would I be here..."
The League (2009)
"Because he... I don't know, you just gotta trust me."
The League (2009)
"- You have to trust me on this. - Andre, you have to trust me too, okay?"
The League (2009)
"- You're making the patient uncomfortable. - Okay."
The League (2009)
"Andre, do you want to stay?"
The League (2009)
"- Would you walk me through the procedure? - Sure."
The League (2009)
"I'm just basically going to be checking on your testicles, one by one..."
The League (2009)
"...making sure that everything's in the right place."
The League (2009)
"Palpitating each, and checking the scrotal sack."
The League (2009)
"To be clear, my testicles will be in your hands."
The League (2009)
"Then you'll fondle the right one, the left one, okay."
The League (2009)
"Anything near the shaft area..."
The League (2009)
"- Sounds good. - Great, all right."
The League (2009)
"Just relax. I'm going to lift your gown."
The League (2009)
"- Okay. - It's a little cold."
The League (2009)
"All right. And they are asymmetrical."
The League (2009)
"And looking healthy so far."
The League (2009)
"- Okay. - No sign of hernia."
The League (2009)
"And..."
The League (2009)
"If you could just give me a good, deep cough, please."
The League (2009)
"Everything looks okay, all right. You doing okay?"
The League (2009)
"- No! - What, Andre?"
The League (2009)
"- I'm gonna kill you. - Unprofessional."
The League (2009)
"- I'm gonna kill you. - Unprofessional."
The League (2009)
"Ha, ha, ha. The king is dead."
The League (2009)
"The king is dead!"
The League (2009)
"Pete lost. We won. I'm gonna take Shiva and make her mine."
The League (2009)
"And I'll deliver her to Andre tomorrow. Oh, God."
The League (2009)
"- We won. - Oh, Rodney!"
The League (2009)
"Goddamn it!"
The League (2009)
"- No. - I forgot my keys."
The League (2009)
"- Get... - Where are my keys?"
The League (2009)
"- I don't know. - In my pocket."
The League (2009)
"- They're in my pocket. - Argh!"
The League (2009)
"Right."
The League (2009)
"- Good afternoon, miss. - Hi."
The League (2009)
"- What are we looking at, the Jetta? - How'd you know?"
The League (2009)
"I had a feeling."
The League (2009)
"The car is made of 100-percent hard material."
The League (2009)
"There's a V engine in there. A certain amount of horsepower."
The League (2009)
"- How convenient. - We got a option for a kayak holder..."
The League (2009)
"...if you're interested. - I don't think I would need it."
The League (2009)
"Say that now, but after a day of kayaking, your arms will be tired. Think about it."
The League (2009)
"Lot of bells and whistles, but take out the windshield, pull out the exhaust..."
The League (2009)
"...and you knock $3000 off the total price. - It's still a little steep."
The League (2009)
"I'll tell you what. There is one more package I can offer you."
The League (2009)
"And I only offer it to special clients."
The League (2009)
"It is the Taco package, and you save $8000 of the total price."
The League (2009)
"- And what's included in that package? - I am."
The League (2009)
"How long are you including the package for?"
The League (2009)
"About a couple days, a week at most. What do you say?"
The League (2009)
"- So when do I actually pay for this? - We'll talk about that over margaritas."
The League (2009)
"Hey, hey, hey! Bring back that car, you asshole!"
The League (2009)
"Damn it."
The League (2009)
"Oh, man. What's going on with the car here?"
The League (2009)
"Ugh!"
The League (2009)
"Yeah, Ruxin."
The League (2009)
"No, no, no. Well, you have to pick me up."
The League (2009)
"I've got premium plus."
The League (2009)
"What do you mean I used up all of my miles?"
The League (2009)
"- Hi. - Rodney?"
The League (2009)
"- Hey, people call me Ruxin. - Hi."
The League (2009)
"- How are you? - Are you going to Andre's?"
The League (2009)
"- Yeah. - Is your car okay?"
The League (2009)
"Thank God. No, my car broke down."
The League (2009)
"- Taco got his hands on it. - Oh, what happened?"
The League (2009)
"Oh, my God."
The League (2009)
"Is that my high school yearbook photo?"
The League (2009)
"But it's not gonna make you feel any better."
The League (2009)
"- Hello? - Shiva's here."
The League (2009)
"Oh, I'm coming down to meet you. I can't wait to see that beautiful bitch."
The League (2009)
"I make love to Shiva, and then I get the Shiva."
The League (2009)
"Ugh!"
The League (2009)
"You're such an asshole."
The League (2009)
"We're cool, right?"
The League (2009)
"See you at the reunion."
The League (2009)
"I like her."
The League (2009)
"Why's your name on the trophy?"
The League (2009)
"Because we won."
The League (2009)
"Oh, Shiva."
The League (2009)
"And I cannot wait to play next year, because I shall be victorious!"
The League (2009)
"- No. - Yeah, I don't think so."
The League (2009)
"Why?"
The League (2009)
"I got a little Shiva charm, just to help me into the playoffs."
The League (2009)
"- You Robin Hood. - Real Shiva hair too."
The League (2009)
"Poor choice, my friend, because I stole a picture of her and her family."
The League (2009)
"- A couple generations of Shiva. - What is this?"
The League (2009)
"I got her silverware."
The League (2009)
"No, I got fired for stealing a car."
The League (2009)
"Oh. Great."
The League (2009)
"- Who's buzzing, what is it...? - Oh, that's right."
The League (2009)
"- Oh, my God. - Shiva's vibrator."
The League (2009)
"- Really? - Horrible."
The League (2009)
"I had to get as close as I could."
The League (2009)
"- You know what I mean? - Yeah. That was inside."
The League (2009)
"Shivakamini"
The League (2009)
"Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey"
The League (2009)
"Shivakamini Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"Shivakamini Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"Shivakamini Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey!"
The League (2009)
"What you need to do is drop the Vikings defense and pick up the Cardinals defense."
The League (2009)
"- Please. - I am not going to be here."
The League (2009)
"All right, guys. This is problematic."
The League (2009)
"- No, football. - Oh, wow. All right. I don't really watch."
The League (2009)
"- Well, let me take a look at this, let's see. - Okay."
The League (2009)
"Did you notice that girl looks exactly like the girl on the trophy?"
The League (2009)
"All right. Let me take a look at her."
The League (2009)
"Yeah. Yeah."
The League (2009)
"...or the lower shaft? - Definitely, the lower shaft."
The League (2009)
"Here we got some tires. They are ribbed, for the road's pleasure."
The League (2009)
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