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Clips from The League (2009) - The Shiva Bowl (S01E01)

"- Shiva. - I'm sorry, how did this happen?"
The League (2009)
"How did it happen? I don't know."
The League (2009)
"She might have found me pretty attractive when she was doing rounds at my hospital."
The League (2009)
"She moved up here from Minneapolis about three months ago."
The League (2009)
"She's a doctor now. But it turns out, she's awesome."
The League (2009)
"So now I am actually having sex with Shiva."
The League (2009)
"I'm going to win the Shiva."
The League (2009)
"And I'm all about Shiva."
The League (2009)
"What did she say about the League?"
The League (2009)
"- Yeah, I didn't. - Oh, right, that would be..."
The League (2009)
"And that is why I'm talking to you now."
The League (2009)
"I need all you sucktards to keep your mouth shut."
The League (2009)
"How are you gonna be quiet? How can you not tell Shiva you're in the Shiva Bowl?"
The League (2009)
"I think it's pretty easy to keep my Fantasy Football life away from my real life."
The League (2009)
"Last thing I need you guys to do is drop it in the middle of a game or anything."
The League (2009)
"Look, I'm not gonna do anything to ruin your chances."
The League (2009)
"- I'll win on my own merit. - You're gonna lose."
The League (2009)
"- And this man right here is gonna win. - Thank you."
The League (2009)
"- Because he's balls-deep in Shiva. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"Yeah, I don't know, I have to drive home. And so do you."
The League (2009)
"- I'm not driving. - You cabbing it?"
The League (2009)
"No, I'm not gonna leave my car here."
The League (2009)
"- Okay, who's Ruxin? - That's me."
The League (2009)
"- You call for roadside assistance? - Indeed."
The League (2009)
"And what seems to be the problem with the car?"
The League (2009)
"Operator error."
The League (2009)
"Why don't you call a cab, have a friend drive?"
The League (2009)
"- All right, give me a minute to hook it up. - Thank you."
The League (2009)
"What'd I tell you?"
The League (2009)
"Hot girl, Volkswagen Jetta."
The League (2009)
"It's a law, like water or dinosaurs."
The League (2009)
"Neither one of those things are laws, Taco."
The League (2009)
"You guys ready?"
The League (2009)
"Good to go."
The League (2009)
"Taco, why are you coming? You live a block away from the bar."
The League (2009)
"So? I'll crash at your place tonight."
The League (2009)
"I like going for rides. Whoo-hoo."
The League (2009)
"- I'm here to help you crush Pete. - Thank you."
The League (2009)
"No, you tinker too much, all right?"
The League (2009)
"- Let's just keep what we have. - Tinkering works."
The League (2009)
"- It's Shiva Bowl. - I don't recognize that term."
The League (2009)
"- Check this out. - Oh, boy, little children, huh?"
The League (2009)
"- Nervous? - Pfft! Are you kidding me?"
The League (2009)
"Whatever Andre had going for him Ruxin has surely soiled by now."
The League (2009)
"- Hey, little cuties. - Hey."
The League (2009)
"This is a closed session."
The League (2009)
"You know, no amount of fiddling is going to help you now, okay?"
The League (2009)
"- I had a wonderful night with Shiva. - Please stop that."
The League (2009)
"- Agree to disagree. - Tickle me, and rub my belly"
The League (2009)
"- Ha, ha, ha. - Do you mind if I use the kitchen for a bit?"
The League (2009)
"Make whatever you want. Just clean up. Jenny and Ellie are gonna come home."
The League (2009)
"I know what Tom Cruise felt like in Rain Man."
The League (2009)
"I dropped some toothpicks on the floor one time and he counted them quickly."
The League (2009)
"- He got it completely wrong. - But he was very quick."
The League (2009)
"I'm gonna order a pizza. You staying around for the game?"
The League (2009)
"- Yep. - We are famished."
The League (2009)
"Because I'm going to be with my good luck charm, Shiva."
The League (2009)
"Let me tell you something."
The League (2009)
"Since I started dating Shiva, I have not lost a single game, not a one."
The League (2009)
"You're using an unfair, competitive, sexual advantage."
The League (2009)
"All I know is I'm gonna take that trophy from your hands..."
The League (2009)
"...hold it over my head, and tell everyone, "I, Andre, won the Super Bowl.""
The League (2009)
"I don't recognize that. I don't know what that is."
The League (2009)
"All I know is when I hold it, I will sing."
The League (2009)
"- You wanna sing? - Oh, I will sing."
The League (2009)
"RUXIN, KEVIN & PETE : Shivakamini Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"Really?"
The League (2009)
"We're doing this, really. "Shiva Nagila"?"
The League (2009)
"Okay, can we stop?"
The League (2009)
"Hey! Shivakamini Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"Oh, great."
The League (2009)
"More? You didn't get enough in high school?"
The League (2009)
"Hey! Shivakamini Somakandarkram"
The League (2009)
"All right, enough, enough, enough. Stop."
The League (2009)
"Got it out of your system? Not gonna do that for 15 years?"
The League (2009)
"Taco, what's that smell? You smell that?"
The League (2009)
"- Thought it was your house. - Not my house."
The League (2009)
"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
The League (2009)
"- Taco, what are you doing? - Oh, goddamn it."
The League (2009)
"- No brownies. - Oh, Jesus."
The League (2009)
"- Ugh! - It smells like squirrel diarrhea in here."
The League (2009)
"- lf it's deodorant, why does it stink so bad? - It's musk scent."
The League (2009)
"Why are you making your own?"
The League (2009)
"Trying to save money. You know how expensive deodorant is?"
The League (2009)
"- It's like four bucks. - I know, right?"
The League (2009)
"You need to get a job. Do you understand me?"
The League (2009)
"I have a job. I make ring tones."
The League (2009)
"- What do you mean? - I have a "cats having sex" ring tone."
The League (2009)
"I have a "cats fighting" ring tone."
The League (2009)
"Well, it's the same audio. I just changed the title."
The League (2009)
"- I have a "horse orgasm" ring tone. - Oh, wait, "horse-gasm" is yours?"
The League (2009)
"Yeah, yeah, the:"
The League (2009)
"All right, can you guys please stop? The free ride's over."
The League (2009)
"- Please. - Okay, I'll go now."
The League (2009)
"No, no, whoa, just... No, no. Just lea..."
The League (2009)
"Keep the clothes on, okay, buddy?"
The League (2009)
"Keep the underwear. Make them your interview underwear."
The League (2009)
"- Really? - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"All right. Now I have three pairs."
The League (2009)
"Joseph, you're killing me. You're killing me."
The League (2009)
"- I am beating you. - What?"
The League (2009)
"- We are beating you. - Who's we? What...?"
The League (2009)
"That's really desperate."
The League (2009)
"I know what the issue is here. He's got the real Shiva."
The League (2009)
"I'm stuck with this trophy. No way I can win."
The League (2009)
"- We're going to Shiva's house now. - What?"
The League (2009)
"- How do you know where she lives? - Stole her address from Andre's phone."
The League (2009)
"- Really? - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"Nicely played."
The League (2009)
"- Let's get something to eat. - No, no."
The League (2009)
"Why are we gonna go out? Let's just stay here and stay comfy."
The League (2009)
"And let me keep you all to me, okay?"
The League (2009)
"And we can watch the game. Perfect."
The League (2009)
"Winter Olympics on? I didn't know it was coming back."
The League (2009)
"Oh, you don't have the NFL Super Fan package?"
The League (2009)
"No, who cares? Really?"
The League (2009)
"Well, I mean, who cares? I mean, if you only got like one game."
The League (2009)
"What if I wanna watch Kansas City and Cincinnati?"
The League (2009)
"- Who's that? - I don't know."
The League (2009)
"- Like, I'm just making up that name. - Right."
The League (2009)
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