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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Good Guy Fluctuation (S05E05)

"You can have my car."
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"Oh, dear."
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"Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear."
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"- Good morning, Sheldon. - It is, isn't it?"
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"Oh, bother."
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"Isn't that just always the way?"
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"You go to staple something and you're out of staples."
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"Gosh, I wish I'd known that earlier today when I was at Staples."
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"You have a thing of paper clips right there."
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"No, no, uh, I need something more permanent to join these papers."
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"Say, uh, don't you keep staples in your top desk drawer?"
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"I don't know, maybe."
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"Be a lamb and check."
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"Who do we have here?"
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"It's a snake. A terrifying snake."
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"Oh. Did some bad man put us in a drawer?"
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"Stop talking like that. You've been rendered speechless by fear."
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"Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice yummy mice."
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"Come on, Cooper. You're better than this."
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"- Hey, you got a minute? - Yeah, sure. Come on in."
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"- Thanks. - Want some mac and cheese?"
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"No. Lactose. Gas."
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"Well, I'd offer you Halloween candy, but that's gone."
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"- So, what's up? - Okay, we used to go out, right?"
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"I'm dealing with a situation and it's kind of about my love life."
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"So I know that might be weird for us to talk about..."
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"...but in this area, as you know, all my other friends are just so stupid."
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"All right, what's going on?"
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"- So you're okay talking about this? - Yes."
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"- Sure it's not weird? - It's okay."
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"If you ever wanna talk to me about a problem in your life with a guy..."
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"...then I... I'd be fine with that."
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"Okay, good. There's this one guy I used to date..."
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"...who's about to be force-fed wine and cheese if he doesn't get to the point."
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"Okay, uh, here it is."
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"Is it cheating if a guy has a girlfriend...?"
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"Yeah, probably."
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"- Come on. - I'm sorry, go ahead."
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"- Did you guys do it? - No. We just made out a little."
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"- Did you tell her about Priya? - Uh, I was gonna..."
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"...but there were too many tongues in my mouth."
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"Here's the thing. Uh, I... I'm not one of those guys who sneaks around..."
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"...and sleeps with more than one woman."
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"Well, good for you."
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"The problem is I wanna be one of those guys."
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"So sleep with the new girl and lie to Priya."
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"Oh, that's not who I am."
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"All right. Then break it off with the new girl."
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"Now, let's not do anything rash. She's really hot."
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"If you like this girl so much, just end things with Priya."
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"Priya and I are in love. I think we could get married someday."
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"You're looking for a way to sleep with both women..."
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"- ...and have everybody be happy about it. - Now we're getting somewhere."
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"What does your gut tell you?"
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""Go ask Penny. She'll know what to do.""
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"Hello, Howard."
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"I've realized that you scaring me was all in jest."
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"Allow me to say, job well done."
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"Perfect."
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"- What are you doing? - Science. You wouldn't understand."
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"Okay, well, see you. I'm going out."
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"I thought you were leaving the apartment."
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"Yeah, me too. I can't make up my mind."
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"Are you concerned because the world is filled with big dogs and bullies?"
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"No, I'm having a moral crisis."
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"Well, if it's of any help, I've read all the great moral philosophers..."
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"...including Dr. Seuss."
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"I'm supposed to go see that girl from the comic book store, Alice."
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"But I don't know if I should, because I'm going out with Priya, but she's in India."
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"All right. So the topic at hand is sexual fidelity."
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"Probably won't be relying on Seuss here."
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"Although One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish..."
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"...might be surprisingly applicable."
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"- Go on. - Well, uh, they say at the end of your life..."
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"...you regret the stuff you didn't do more than the stuff that you did."
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"And I'm pretty sure Alice is the stuff I wanna do."
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"You know, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche..."
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"...believed that morality is just a fiction..."
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"...used by the herd of inferior human beings..."
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"...to hold back the few superior men."
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"That actually does help."
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"It's worth noting that he died of syphilis."
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"Screw it, I'm going."
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"On your way home, will you pick up orange juice?"
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"Do you mind? I'm questioning a lot of things in my life."
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"Is one of those things your fondness for orange juice?"
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"- Hey, Sheldon. - Who is it?"
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"It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz."
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"That's not my mom. It's Bernadette."
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"Really? That's very unsettling."
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"- Hi, Sheldon. - Hi."
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"- What's up? - It just occurred to me..."
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"...that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials."
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"I hopped on the first bus and hightailed it down here to shake your hand."
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"Put her there, you old so-and-so."
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"Well, uh... I'm gonna see you at work in 12 hours."
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"Don't you think it could have waited until then?"
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"Holy smoke, why didn't I think of that?"
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"You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz."
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"You put her there, you son of a gun."
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"Whatever. Heh."
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"Oh, my God, Howie! What did you do?"
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"It was a harmless Halloween prank. Look."
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"Howard has a heart condition. You know that."
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"Well, I thought he made that up."
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"Isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?"
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"This is adrenaline. We're gonna inject it into his heart."
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"- We are? - You are. I'm not strong enough..."
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"Oh, no, I can't!"
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"Hurry! We're running out of time!"
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"- Okay. - Just do it!"
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"Aah!"
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"Trick or treat, bubbeleh."
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"No. You mean this was all a ruse?"
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"Oh, how could I be so stu...?"
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"Is it my tongue stud?"
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"If that freaks you out, you're in for a real surprise later."
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"No, no, no. I can't do this."
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"Believe me, I really want to."
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"- But? - But I kind of have a girlfriend."
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