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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Weekend Vortex (S05E05)

""Ay, Papi"?"
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"- What is that? - An acting choice."
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"Hmm."
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"...you'd turn into Speedy Gonzalez."
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"Do you got a problem with that, Papi?"
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"Uh-uh."
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"Penny? Penny? Penny?"
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"Sorry, Stallion. Your weird friend Giraffe is here."
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"Hello, Penny. I just stopped by to bring you this gift."
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"Gummi Bears? Thank you."
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"Now that you're in my debt..."
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"...please manipulate Amy into releasing me from my commitment..."
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"...to attend her aunt's tedious birthday party."
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"- Not a chance. - All right."
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"I thought the candy might not be enough, so let me up the ante."
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"Ahem. These are Cooper Coupons."
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"These are for various things I can do for you."
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"Um, oh, this one is for one free grammar check."
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"Uh..."
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"You could use it for e-mails, letters, tattoos, what have you."
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"Uh..."
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"...at the California Science Center where I point out their mistakes."
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"Keep an eye on those expiration dates. I've been burned more than once."
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"I'm not gonna get involved in your relationship."
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"Come on. It's just a simple favor. When's the last time..."
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"- ...I asked you to do something for me? - Yesterday."
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"You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it."
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"- ...but to go on to plan B. - What's that?"
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"I think you'll really enjoy yourself today. You get to meet my relatives."
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"All right."
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"- You sure you're okay with this? - Yes."
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"Thank you. That means a lot to me."
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"Oh, don't thank me. Thank wireless technology."
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"Yeah, I realized I can go to your aunt's awful party..."
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"...and still spend the whole day gaming with my friends."
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"My relatives are gonna wanna talk to you."
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"And you're gonna be sitting there playing a game?"
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"- Isn't that a little rude? - Oh, I got that covered."
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"Headset. I won't hear a word the old geezers are saying."
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"If playing that game is more important than honoring your commitment to me..."
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"...and you don't mind me showing up all by myself..."
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"...after I've told everybody I'll be bringing somebody..."
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"...then fine, go home and play your game."
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"Thanks. Oh, listen."
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"I wouldn't mind a piece of birthday cake..."
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"...provided the old gal's candle blow is clean and dry."
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"Here you go. I've got everything we'll need for the big game."
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"Low-fat turkey jerky."
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"Low-carb beer."
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"Hundred-calorie snack packs."
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"Pick up a Y chromosome while you were there? You might be short one."
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"Hey, I plan on leveling up in the game, not my swimsuit size..."
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"...thank you very much."
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"Gentlemen, the game offers us a choice..."
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"...between playing for the Republic and the light side..."
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"...or the Sith Empire and the dark side."
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"We're always the good guys. In "D&D" we're lawful good."
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"...we pay the prostitutes promptly and never hit them with a bat."
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"Those women are prostitutes?"
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"You said they were raising money for stem-cell research."
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"Hey, guys. I got a surprise."
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"Mm, if it's yogurt that helps ladies poop, I think Raj beat you to it."
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"No, Bernadette's gonna be playing with us."
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"So that's pretty cool, huh? Right? Sure, it is."
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"Wha...? You invited your girlfriend?"
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"- This is supposed to be our weekend. - I had no choice."
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"She said, "Why don't we go out for brunch and maybe the arboretum?""
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"She said, "Can I come?" Then I didn't answer for a second."
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"Then she said, "Do you not want me to come?""
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"Then I bought her a new laptop and the game..."
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"...and she's parking the car now."
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"Is the whip-sound app contextually appropriate here?"
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"Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny."
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"- I was wrong. It's still funny. - Oh, good."
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"- Amy, what's wrong? - My boyfriend's a jerk."
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"Well, I know he didn't cheat on you, so, what happened?"
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"I had to go to my aunt's party by myself."
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"Everybody was like, "where's this boyfriend you talk about? Is he real?"
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"Or did you make him up like Armin the miniature-horse breeder?""
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"The pretend boyfriend I invented to get my family off my back."
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"It unraveled quickly when I couldn't answer the question "How did you two meet?""
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"- I would've thought at a horse show. - Oh, that's good."
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"Mm."
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"I panicked and said Woodstock."
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"I just wanted to show Sheldon off to my family."
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"Sure, I get that. I mean, he's your first boyfriend and all."
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"Not just my first boyfriend. He's the best boyfriend. I mean, think about it."
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"I'm dating Sheldon Cooper."
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"Yes, on purpose."
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"He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant."
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"His skin has that pale, waxy quality."
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"Well, sickly is the new sexy."
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"You know, Amy..."
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"...when you're in a relationship with someone you really care about..."
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"...the sucky part is it leaves you open to getting hurt."
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"Do you ever worry about Leonard doing that to you?"
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"Ha, ha, that's hilarious. No."
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"Get that guy! Get that guy!"
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"Pew, pew, pew!"
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"Uh, Dr. Rostenkowski, it may interest you to know..."
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"...that saying, "Pew, pew, pew," isn't as effective as pressing your blaster key."
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"In the same way that saying, "Whee," doesn't make the landspeeder go."
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"Pew!"
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"- Raj, imperial Troopers on your tail. - Unh. Got him."
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"When Gandhi advocated his philosophy of nonviolence..."
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"...I bet he didn't know how much fun it was killing stuff."
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"All right, I think we got them all. Let's divide up the loot."
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"Ooh, look at this pretty purple robe I just got."
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"You should put on yours and then we'll match."
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"But I worked hard to get this armor, heh."
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"Sorry, I just thought it'd be nice if people knew we were a couple."
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"Fine, I'll change."
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"I don't think I wanna play a game."
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"They're playing one across the hall. We should too."
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"Okay, we are gonna take turns bouncing a quarter off the table."
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"If it goes into this cup, the other person has to drink."
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"Then you get to go again, and you ki..."
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"So now I will drink this entire cup of beer..."
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"...and you will go again and we can..."
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"All right, so, yeah. Okay, now I'm gonna drink this entire cup."
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