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Clips from Scrubs - My Cabbage (S05E05)

"with the last double-chocolate-chocolate-chip muffin."
Scrubs
"You win again. You always do."
Scrubs
"- Mmm... - [squawking]"
Scrubs
"Would someone explain what that bird is doing in my hospital?"
Scrubs
"I've named him Sanchez. He set up shop in that old wreath there."
Scrubs
"I'd take it down, but the patients really seem to love the little guy."
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"Do you know the number one cause of death?"
Scrubs
"- Your breath? - Infection."
Scrubs
"- Your breath? - That doesn't make sense."
Scrubs
"Look, infection can start with a simple sneeze."
Scrubs
"And then a handshake."
Scrubs
"Perhaps an accidental collision."
Scrubs
"Then a simple touch on the shoulder."
Scrubs
"And just like that, you have a patient in trouble."
Scrubs
"Chinatown is awesome!"
Scrubs
"I want that bird gone."
Scrubs
"Keith, I realize you'd like to be at your grandmother's funeral on Saturday."
Scrubs
"Heck, we all would."
Scrubs
"You can't just take a day off whenever you feel like it."
Scrubs
"Because Keith, Cabbage is an ape enthusiast. Show him a little."
Scrubs
"[Spitting, grunting]"
Scrubs
"It's like I'm at the zoo."
Scrubs
"Put the thing in your mouth when you... Yeah."
Scrubs
"See ya, Mrs. Wilk."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna miss you."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna miss our late-night talks."
Scrubs
"You can call me anytime you want, sweetie."
Scrubs
"Got your number right here in my... phone. Sorry."
Scrubs
"Don't even worry about it. It's OK."
Scrubs
"- We are so not cool. - We're not?"
Scrubs
"Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It was a simple..."
Scrubs
"La-la-la-la-la-la..."
Scrubs
"Mr. Burton, hi!"
Scrubs
"In a few minutes, they'll come to get you for aortobifem bypass surgery."
Scrubs
"If there's anything we can do for you, let us know."
Scrubs
"Well, if I don't make it, I want you to make sure my sons get this note."
Scrubs
"[Phone ringing]"
Scrubs
"I can't believe you fell for that."
Scrubs
"Why would that call have been for you? It's my cell phone."
Scrubs
"You got my "1" button?"
Scrubs
"Hey! Now I can't call my buddies in Saigon."
Scrubs
"Could I borrow five bucks? I left my wallet at home."
Scrubs
"or because Woolworths is having a 48-hour girdle sale?"
Scrubs
"There, I did it for you. Don't talk with your mouth full."
Scrubs
"- All I have are hundreds. - What are you, a prostitute?"
Scrubs
"I worked the streets. I'm a prostitute?"
Scrubs
"- Nice job. - Thanks."
Scrubs
"Nice job, buddy. Let's go get you that hat. Mine."
Scrubs
"- Where's my change? - A bird took it."
Scrubs
"I want it back by tonight or I'm gonna beat it out of you."
Scrubs
"Why are you sitting here, Newbie?"
Scrubs
"I'd sit with my interns, but Keith's over there and I can't stand him."
Scrubs
"I've seen that kid. Horrible doctor."
Scrubs
"I would sooner leave my medical care in the hands of Dr. Acula."
Scrubs
"I didn't hate it. Here's what you do with this Keith:"
Scrubs
"Then bounce him out of here."
Scrubs
"What did you think of the Transylvania sequence?"
Scrubs
"I read it, and I was like, "What was I thinking?""
Scrubs
"I can't just pick one of 'em out to torture."
Scrubs
"You are their teacher. How competent can they be?"
Scrubs
"Yesterday, one made a diagnosis off a backwards x-ray."
Scrubs
"Last week, one confused a suppository with a Mike and Ike."
Scrubs
"Stellar group there, Newbie. Let the torturing commence."
Scrubs
"- [Beeping] - Oh, I'm sorry."
Scrubs
"That means conversational time is O-V-E-R."
Scrubs
"I'd love to talk to you more about the screenplay."
Scrubs
"Please exit the area. Please exit the area."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Turk and Elliot were having a hard time"
Scrubs
"because Mr. Burton didn't make it through surgery."
Scrubs
"We did everything we could for your dad."
Scrubs
"We are so sorry, Devin, Eric."
Scrubs
"Because all black people look the same?"
Scrubs
"- Is she always this racist? - Oh, there's a pattern."
Scrubs
"Identical twins, Turk!"
Scrubs
"Uh-oh, Keith, it looks like somebody's gone prematurely gray."
Scrubs
"That's gonna hurt with the ladies."
Scrubs
"[Carla] Wow."
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox told me you were tough on your interns."
Scrubs
"I had no idea you were gonna go all cotton ball on their asses."
Scrubs
"I think I know how to deal with people, Carla. Check this."
Scrubs
"[Sizzling]"
Scrubs
"It's a little hot."
Scrubs
"I'll add some milk. Thank you."
Scrubs
"- See? - Yeah."
Scrubs
"The next person who screws up is gonna be suspended for two weeks."
Scrubs
"This is a list of all of your names. At least the ones I remember."
Scrubs
"next to your name. One sad face, and you are gonzo."
Scrubs
"And I want to warn you, I write my sad faces pretty darn sad."
Scrubs
"Allow me to demonstrate. May I borrow your pen?"
Scrubs
"Not going to happen. I had to strangle a nurse to get this clicky top."
Scrubs
"Please. I'm in the middle of a very threatening speech."
Scrubs
"- Return this pen or die painfully. - Thank you."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Around here, it's tough to hang onto things."
Scrubs
"If someone's trying to take your new friend away, you lie."
Scrubs
"The bird's dead, sir."
Scrubs
"And if you're wondering, Sanchez tasted like chicken. I ate him."
Scrubs
"I get it. Now, just sign this order form so I can stop talking to you."
Scrubs
"[Cawing]"
Scrubs
"[Speaking Spanish]"
Scrubs
"You said our father left us a note?"
Scrubs
"Yep. Dr. Turk, give it to them."
Scrubs
"Elliot, I gave it to you. You have the note. You give it to them."
Scrubs
"you might have to excuse yourself for a moment."
Scrubs
"Excuse us for just one minute, Eric, Devin. Um... [clears throat]"
Scrubs
"I know it's in pencil,"
Scrubs
"but that's what a sad two-week suspension face would look like."
Scrubs
"All right? Very, very sad. Yes?"
Scrubs
"Who tried to give Ms. Meadows an ACE inhibitor?"
Scrubs
"She's six months pregnant. She could've lost the baby."
Scrubs
"That was me, sir. Sorry."
Scrubs
"Oh, Cabbage."
Scrubs
"Not you, Wolfman."
Scrubs
"Anyway, it was a pleasure treating you, and..."
Scrubs
"Why the grim face there, Trish?"
Scrubs
"You watching Kelso's afternoon staring contest with the last brownie?"
Scrubs
"You bested me again, you little chocolate bitch."
Scrubs
"Nah, I'm just kind of sad about my intern."
Scrubs
"Why? You got what you wanted. You drove Keith out of here."
Scrubs
"No, I drove Cabbage out. That's Keith."
Scrubs
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