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Clips from Scrubs - My Cabbage (S05E05)

"In my defense, Keith's a decent kisser,"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] It was that moment Turk and I remembered the incident"
Scrubs
"Jason Cabbaggio. Or, as I had brilliantly nicknamed him..."
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"It's an honor to watch you work."
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"Take it all in, Cabbage. Take it all in."
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"[J.D.] Yes, I like some interns more than others,"
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"but I never let personal feelings affect my professional behavior."
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"They needed help with a shooting victim."
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"Quiet time."
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"If I need you, I can just call Carla."
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"I bet you don't have my number in your cell."
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"That's not my signature."
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"Dr. Mickhead was back, having beaten the rap on murdering his spouse..."
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"Anybody want a cool prison jumpsuit?"
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"Let's end this charade."
Scrubs
"That disease-infested scavenger is a serious health risk."
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"How come Cabbage got off so he could go see King Kong?"
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"- Done. - Done."
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"What do you need $5 for? Abraham Lincoln..."
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"Abraham Lincoln is your president crush"
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"Thank you."
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"Yes, I read your vampire screenplay and as much as it pains me to say it,"
Scrubs
"Turn the heat up on his ass and he'll make a mistake."
Scrubs
"I wrote it on-call and the next morning,"
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"Then dump on all of 'em! I'm sure they deserve it. I mean, let's face facts."
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"This morning, one of 'em had trouble with an IV."
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"Please exit the area. Please exit the area."
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"That's Devin. I'm Eric."
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"Oh, you guys must get that all the time."
Scrubs
"- Hmm. - No! Because you're identical twins."
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"Cabbage! Heat test."
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"[J.D.] And now, it's goodbye, Keith."
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"Interns, gather!"
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"At the end of each day, I will either write a smiley face or a sad face"
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"So, as I was saying, my sad face..."
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"[J.D.] If your credibility slips away,"
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"[J.D.] Sometimes, there's nothing you can do."
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"[Scoffs]"
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"I, uh... I can't believe you're finally getting out of this deathtrap."
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"The odds were against you."
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"You had a life-threatening disease, a life-threatening doctor."
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"I know how hard it is for you to say something nice, so you can go."
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"Thanks."
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"I'd like to bronze him, turn my office into a Keith-edral"
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"What's not over?"
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"I'm gonna have to call you back."
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"This is totally unfair. If I had messed up, I'd be gone."
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"Crazy Barry, not allowed near children. We work around that."
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"Stop talking, Robert."
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"[caws]"
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"Watch out for the bedpan."
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"You see, Dr. Cox, I treat each and every one of my interns differently."
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"Listen carefully, Newbie. Things happen for a reason."
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"Hey, Dr. D, is the IV supposed to leak like this?"
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"I don't remember who made those mistakes."
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"I found your note in Sanchez's wreath."
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"And he's gone."
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"Hey, Jason. We need to talk."
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"and you've been making a lot of mistakes lately."
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"[J.D.] In Cabbage's case, as much as I was gonna miss him,"
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"Oh, goodbye, young man."
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"[J.D.] The worst thing about Elliot having picked intern, Keith,"
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"as her permanent booty call is that if he's had a few beers,"
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"he sometimes forgets which bedroom is hers."
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"Mmm..."
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"- I'm here, lover. - Tender."
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"and anyone waking up that way would let out a pleasure moan."
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"Same thing happened in college."
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"What guy drunkenly kissed you while you were sleeping?"
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"we'd managed to block out for 12 years."
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"You OK with us not hanging out?"
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"- Totally. - OK."
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"I was gonna miss Turk, but my favorite intern was around to cheer me up:"
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"- Cabbage! - Yes, sir."
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"Oh, no, Mark. I was talking to Cabbage."
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"Well, my last name is Cabbage."
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"I know, but I nicknamed you "Wolfman""
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"because of your keen sense of smell."
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"[J.D.] And your ridiculously hairy torso."
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"What can I do you for?"
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"Dr. D, is the IV supposed to leak like this?"
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"Well, yes and no. Mostly no. Really, really, all no."
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"Don't worry. I got your back. First thing is, take a little nipper yourself."
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"Got some on you! Look out! That's some of the fun that you can have."
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"But seriously, just watch and learn, watch and learn."
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"You're late, which doesn't surprise me because you're a bad person."
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"Lies will get you nowhere, Keith."
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"- I'm covered in his blood. - That could be anyone's blood."
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"Here's the gunshot victim."
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"- That's not your blood. - Yes, it is."
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"All right, listen. If Mr. Burton wants surgery, call me on my cellie."
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"Cool. What's your number?"
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"- You have my number. - I don't. I changed phones."
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"The Butterball Turkey Helpline?"
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"This one just says, "That Guy In The Restaurant.""
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"Hey, I clicked with "That Guy In The Restaurant," OK?"
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"We spent all night talking about... something, OK?"
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"It's not like the two of us hang out."
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"[J.D.] Not even Keith could bum me out,"
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"because everybody's favorite patient, Mrs. Wilk, is going home today."
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"I'm sure not gonna miss this food."
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"Well, the nurses and I got you this."
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"- Oh! Aw... - Huh?"
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"You should see the size of the stationery store."
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"[J.D.] That was a huge courtesy laugh"
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"because I was about to trump Carla's goodbye gift like nobody's business."
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"Mrs. Wilk, I remember how much you like basketball,"
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"so I got you a DVD of the NBA's Greatest Centers of All Time"
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"signed by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar."
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"Oh, J.D., this is so sweet!"
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"[J.D.] Winner!"
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"- My gift is in the same vein. - Oh, is it, Keith?"
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"Mr. Abdul-Jabbar is on my dad's flag football team."
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"- Hi, Patricia. - Oh!"
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"Did you sign this? It's illegal."
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"OK. Back to the psych ward, Mr. Rosenberg. Crazy."
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"# I can't do this all on my own"
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"# No, I know I'm no Superman"
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"[J.D.] That morning seemed like any other."
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"Dr. Kelso was having his daily staring contest"
Scrubs
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