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Clips from 30 Rock - Subway Hero (S02E02)

"it's that you can't keep people with no shame down."
30 Rock
"Dennis Duffy, don't you dare. No, no. Just work with me here."
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"and I need some women to attend"
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"so it doesn't turn into another giant sausagefest."
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"Well, I don't kno..."
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"What's the Committee to Re-lnvade Vietnam?"
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"Just say you'll come."
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"Jonathan's going to round up"
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"all the cool Republican celebrities."
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"Like who? Chuck Norris?"
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"after I switched to another dojo."
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"Ah, well, sorry, but I'm not giving anybody money"
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"until there's campaign finance reform."
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"Also, I'm saving up money for a new humidifier."
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"It's the same model that's keeping Larry King alive."
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"Oh, and I want you to book the Subway Hero onto the show."
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"Who? The Subway Hero."
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"to save a total stranger who had fallen on the tracks."
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"He pulled him between the rails,"
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"and the train missed their heads by inches."
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"We do?"
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"For his exceptional courage,"
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"on Dennis Duffy."
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"Oh, no."
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"Thank you, Mayor Bloomberger."
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"I accept this honor on behalf of every..."
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"Stern rules! Baba Booey!"
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"No, no. No, no, no."
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"Dennis Duffy... beeper salesman and your ex-boyfriend."
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"And "Dateline" predator."
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"Exonerated "Dateline" predator."
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"The whole thing was one big, silly misunderstanding,"
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"like the Giuliani campaign."
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"Lemon, be professional."
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"We all have to work with people we hate sometimes."
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"Jonathan, why don't you put on more of that cologne?"
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"Subway!"
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"Jack sent me because he wants you on "TGS.""
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"But this whole crazy, on-again, off-again Dennis-Liz thing..."
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"No, we don't have a crazy thing."
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"Can I borrow those giant scissors?"
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"I just can't believe it's happening because of this"
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"Yeah, well, you have had some fame before."
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"You were on "Dateline.""
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"She told me that her last boyfriend was Asian,"
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"Getting lots of offers from news and dancing programs."
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"But how can I say no to you, right?"
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"I mean, maybe we should just see where this crazy"
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"Dennis-Liz roller-coaster ride takes us, huh?"
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"Jonathan?"
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"Oh! It's Bucky Bright, sir."
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"He was a major TV star in the '40s, '50s,"
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"for the McCain dinner."
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"He insists on singing."
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"Jim Belushi? He insists on singing."
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"Good God, when did the party become so boring?"
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"The Democrats have all the good celebrities."
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"Mr. Donaghy, this was delivered to..."
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"Who doesn't?"
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"Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord's name."
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"That's Republican. We count those."
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"but I used to do the old soft-shoe"
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"1, 2..."
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"I'm sorry to have wasted your time, Mr. Bright."
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"Well, it was different back then, I'll tell you."
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"Yeah. Yeah, it was."
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"We didn't have any of those shirts with words on them"
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"or dungarees or anything like that."
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"No, sirree."
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"Say, why don't you show me around the old studio?"
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"These things are so bad for me."
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"400% of my sodium? I should not be eating these."
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"Mr. Dennis Duffy."
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"It's the Stanley Cup, honey. It's hockey's ultimate prize."
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"And me and it... We're teaming up to fight illiteracy."
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"Wow. I never would have had the guts to do what that dude did."
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"You don't know that. I do know."
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"I've watched seven different people die in subway stations."
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"What was going through your mind?"
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"You know, it was all instinct, Jack?"
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"My mind, it was so clear."
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"All I could think about was Derek Jeter."
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"And it was like, "Check this out, Jeter."
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"Huh?""
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"Ahh! Ahh!?"
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"It's just that you said, "Never again," but here he is."
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"But I was there when you two met."
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"Ugh, why is this movie called "The Hours""
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"when it feels so much longer?"
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"Hi."
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"Dennis is like those off-brand Mexican cheetos."
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"My Sabor De Soledad?"
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"I only have Spanish delis in my neighborhood."
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"You know those are bad for you,"
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"because it's easier to do that"
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"than to bother to eat well."
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"That's a weak metaphor."
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"You deserve a good meal, Liz."
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"Tracy! My friend."
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"Black people supporting Republicans?"
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"Does hot support cold? Does rain support the Earth?"
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"Now, that misperception"
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"is precisely why the GOP needs better celebrities."
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"And a black celebrity, such as yourself,"
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"would really make us look good."
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"Now, do you like lower taxes?"
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"If I paid taxes, I sure would."
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"How about gun ownership? Go on."
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"States' rights? I love states' rights!"
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"And let none of us forget that the GOP is the party of Lincoln."
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"Lincoln was a Republican?"
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"Actually, today's Republican Party"
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"would be unrecognizable to Lincoln."
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"He fought a war"
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"to preserve federal authority over the states."
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"That's not exactly small government."
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"Dot Com, this need you have"
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"to be the smartest guy in the room is..."
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"I guess that's why I'm still single."
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"Damn."
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