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Clips from American Horror Story - Halloween: Part 1 (S01E01)

"- Hey, honey. - There's some freaky dude at the door screaming about money."
American Horror Story
"I think he might be one of your patients. Should I call the cops?"
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"- Is it locked? - Yeah."
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"- [ Knocking Continues ] - [ Ringing Continues ]"
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"We're on our way home right now. Violet, just-"
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"- [ Ringing Continues ] - [ Knocking Continues ]"
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"Who is that?"
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"And pick me up some Gala apples."
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"I thought these Golden Delicious would look dramatic in the bobbing bucket."
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"Why would I wear a condom at the gym?"
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"Maybe because you're screwing that twink trainer of yours. And I need gourds."
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"I'm going to hang them on the tree out front, spray-paint them..."
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"and they're going to be these clever little organic ghosts."
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"You know what? I am."
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"- You are what? - Screwing my trainer."
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"You know what else? He's a power bottom. He loves it."
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"First of all, please remember our agreement. Don't ask, don't tell."
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"- Have you picked out a costume yet? - Why are you doing this?"
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"Everything we've become is bullshit!"
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"I don't give a shit about carving pumpkins."
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"I want love! I want passion! I want a relationship with a man, not Martha Stewart!"
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"Oh, I forgot. You can't. Because all of your money..."
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"and mine is in this house that we agreed to flip and make a mint on..."
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"Do you think I like carving 20 pumpkins and getting squash guts under my nails?"
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"I am trying here!"
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"I'm trying to make this place warm and inviting and spectacular..."
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"and have this Halloween party shot by Elle friggin' Decor..."
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"so someone will see it and sweep in and take this place off our hands."
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"And then I can feel free to fall in love with a 25-year-old who has great biceps."
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"We wanted to have a baby."
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"[ Scoffs ] We were gonna have this..."
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"great life."
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"Red is wrong. [ Sighs ]"
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"It has to be green."
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"It's very... scary-sexy."
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"I'm sorry."
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"I'm sorry for everything- my attitude, my low sex drive."
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"It's probably low testosterone from stress."
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"One person has seen the house in two weeks?"
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"And she didn't even stay for the whole tour..."
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"because she was so spooked out by it."
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"Fix that problem, and this property will sell very fast."
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"- A what? - Fluffers."
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"People we can hire to come in at a nominal fee..."
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"and give a dash of style and élan to this place."
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"We have style."
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"And everybody thinks they're funny. Most people aren't."
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"They come in. They rent some accessories."
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"Karate-chop a few throw pillows."
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"Make this home look like a magazine spread."
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"It's Halloween."
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"Imagine the mileage you would get..."
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"if you could decorate your front porch with divine cheery pumpkins."
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"Lots of happy trick-or-treaters..."
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"[ Laughing ]"
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"- Hey! You punk! - Happy Halloween, asshole!"
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"We have an image problem."
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"We are on the Murder House tour, for God sakes."
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"Marcy, do you know any of these fluffers?"
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"Can you get one for us immediately?"
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"I'll call the fluffer."
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""Halloween comes from the Celtic holiday of Samhain."
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"The Celtic dudes believed that on October 31..."
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"the boundary separating the realms of the living and dead disappeared..."
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"[ Whispers ]"
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"Are you blushing? Look at you."
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"You know what?"
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"I think that's a hell of a costume."
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"I tell you you could eat all my chocolate chips?"
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"I was gonna make cookies out of those later..."
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"but now someone's gonna have to run down to the Korean to get some more."
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"Get me a carton of Pall Mall."
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"Hmm?"
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"Bye."
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"[ Laughs Evilly]"
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"What do you think you're doing?"
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"You just like mooning over him."
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"You remember what happened to the last one?"
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"Oh, one minute he's reading. The next minute his hand is down your pants."
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"He smells better than the last one."
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"What did you say?"
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"I have given every inch of my life to you for the last 30-some years."
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"But I will not share the affections of the men..."
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"I bring into this house with any woman."
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"[ Scoffs ] Halloween."
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"You and your boyfriend keeping secrets now?"
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"I want to go as her, as a pretty girl."
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"You can go as Snoopy again."
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"The costume will still fit if you lay off those chocolate chips."
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"And no more of this."
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"It's "Halloweek." I do the full seven days."
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"So, uh, just pop the $1,000 in the pumpkin here, and nobody will be the wiser."
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"- Get off my property now. - Or what?"
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"- You'll call the cops? - You know what? I just might."
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"Well, that gazebo in the backyard sure went up pretty darn quick."
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"Maybe somebody should place a call to the city's inspector..."
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"and have him come down here and check it out."
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"What's under that gazebo is what you did."
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"But what's inside what's under that gazebo is what you did."
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"That is not my baby in there."
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"Vivien finds that out, your family is over. [ Spits ]"
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"You don't want the trick."
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"And I have patience. But there is a limit."
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"said you never showed up for the first appointment, and you never called to cancel."
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"I don't want to see anyone but you."
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"We've discussed why that won't work."
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"Which brings me to my next question."
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"We're very grateful to you, Tate, for how you helped my family."
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"But you need to explain, here and now..."
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"what you were doing in this house at the time of the break-in."
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"The truth is I was just, like, hanging around outside..."
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"and I was- I was throwing pebbles at her window."
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"But she blew me off."
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"And then I noticed that the door was unlocked, so I..."
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"It's not cool, I know."
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"I understand. But this is why I can't treat you."
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"[ Sniffs ] I really need your help."
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"And I know that you can help me."
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"[ Sobs ]"
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"Now, look, I have an opening."
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