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Clips from Veep - Shutdown (S02E02)

"Are you threatening me, Pez head?"
Veep
"Because we got a compactor that takes shit"
Veep
"and turns it into cubes."
Veep
"We have to offer him something."
Veep
"It would throw up some interesting light effects."
Veep
"That would be romantic, wouldn't it?"
Veep
"I'm gonna offer him a tour of the West Wing."
Veep
"Civilians love that shit."
Veep
"They get so hot for it, I call it the Wet Wing."
Veep
"- Okay, that's disrespectful. - It's a building, Gary."
Veep
"- It doesn't have feelings. - It has a spirit."
Veep
"No, it doesn't. Sir, Mr. Walsh and I"
Veep
"would love to offer you a private, exclusive tour"
Veep
"of the West Wing of the White House."
Veep
"- Sure, that sounds like fun. - Great."
Veep
"Oh, wait. Did I say fun?"
Veep
"What would you like?"
Veep
"I would like a visit from the vice president."
Veep
"- Oh. - I'd like to have her take a tour."
Veep
"I think it'd be good for business."
Veep
""Vice president applauds shit compaction.""
Veep
"Okay, we can do that. Yeah."
Veep
"It is nice, isn't it?"
Veep
"These chairs are worth a fortune."
Veep
"- Are they? - Uncomfortable as hell, though."
Veep
"- Yeah. Yeah. - Right?"
Veep
"- Oh, well, that's true. - They were laced into their clothing."
Veep
"Freezing cold or hot as hell."
Veep
"- Hard chairs and they all stank. - Tough times. Tough times."
Veep
"I'm not. I was thinking of the 18th century."
Veep
"- The wigs, so on. - All right."
Veep
"So I think we're pretty close on a budget deal here."
Veep
"I think we just need you to move a scooch more."
Veep
"- Oh, I'm not moving. - You're not moving?"
Veep
"I just got a call from "Politico.""
Veep
"They just did an interview with the president and they called for my reaction."
Veep
"Just now? What are you talking about?"
Veep
"- Do you not know? You haven't. All right. - I have not seen..."
Veep
"I will read the president's words without inflection."
Veep
""Slide to unlock.""
Veep
"working long hours, but it was a tough call.""
Veep
"Subtext, ma'am... you failed."
Veep
"And you are being blamed personally for this government shutdown."
Veep
"Okay, first of all, I did not hear that subtext."
Veep
"I hear text, and the text that I hear"
Veep
"Well, that wasn't in those words."
Veep
"- I'm sorry. - Feel free. Yeah, read it back."
Veep
"- No successful. - Fine and successful are synonyms."
Veep
"What with this"
Veep
"and with all those stories about your ex-husband,"
Veep
"there's a lot of poison coming"
Veep
"from certain enemy congressmen."
Veep
"If you say so. It's all beans to me."
Veep
"Madam Vice President, you have been squeezed out of the budget deal."
Veep
"It's tough, but I don't care."
Veep
"Hardly worth you sitting down."
Veep
"You know, Jim,"
Veep
"I will be attending your funeral"
Veep
"Chock-full of subtext."
Veep
"- as an opportunity. - Oh, yeah."
Veep
"So now you and your slack pussy"
Veep
"- Welcome, gentlemen. - Hello."
Veep
"Today's specials are the cuttlefish..."
Veep
"Let me stop you right there, sweetheart."
Veep
"- You're gonna pick up the tab, right? - Yes, that's on me."
Veep
"- Yes, sir. - You know, I think I'm gonna keep it light."
Veep
"My husband was killed 15 yards from a ranger's station."
Veep
"I mean, killed by a bear?"
Veep
"They rarely attack people. That's weird."
Veep
"Right. That's what I was... then he must have goaded him."
Veep
"He must have hit him with a stick or done something stupid."
Veep
"- He tried to fuck... - Like Grizzly Adams."
Veep
"- Oh, jeez. - Enjoying yourselves?"
Veep
"- We were. - Are you laughing"
Veep
"at the violent death of a young man?"
Veep
"Guess what I just heard."
Veep
"I'm not here. Ergo, my ears aren't here either."
Veep
"in his soon-to-be-released "Politico" interview"
Veep
"in which he blames me for the government shutdown."
Veep
"- What? - Exactly. What?"
Veep
"- It was implicit. - Implicit?"
Veep
"Implicit like a "kick me" sticker"
Veep
"on my keister would be implicit?"
Veep
"Madam Vice President, greatest respect,"
Veep
"Yeah, let me tell you something."
Veep
"This ass is closed for business."
Veep
"These powerful men and women,"
Veep
"they couldn't agree on anything."
Veep
"Now I'm to blame because some goober"
Veep
"got all eaten up by a bear?"
Veep
"You've got to get your press guys on this, okay?"
Veep
"- Yes, ma'am. - Ma'am, this is in Minnesota, right?"
Veep
"So Governor Chung is gonna be all over this"
Veep
"- like a bear on an idiot. - Of course. That's right."
Veep
"At the very least, let's get in front of something"
Veep
"and get in touch with this widow."
Veep
"- Yeah. Did you hear that, Mike? - Uh-uh."
Veep
"Yeah, as well as get in touch with the press guys."
Veep
"Oh, no, no, don't, don't, because that would be three things."
Veep
"Oh, no, I hate lobster."
Veep
"You know, Dan, we could use you."
Veep
"We're trying to skirt a pipeline through their backyard"
Veep
"and they're not a fan for some reason."
Veep
"Consider me your well-groomed dust bowl, my friend."
Veep
"Hey, ooh! Boy, you made it twitch."
Veep
"But if you really want to make my dick dance,"
Veep
"why don't you tell me what's going on in the VP's office?"
Veep
"Well, you know, I can't really be too specific."
Veep
"But you go to war with the army you have, right?"
Veep
"Okay, I think the lobster"
Veep
"Mike... the carrots are drowning in debt."
Veep
"And this little shrimp wants to hear more about this Nebraska deal."
Veep
"Want to go to the corn belt, do you?"
Veep
"Well, tap your ruby slippers together"
Veep
"and wake the fuck up. There is no job, Dorothy."
Veep
"But I'm very impressed that you would turn on"
Veep
"all of your compadres there in the vice president's office."
Veep
"He's the shiny turd rising to the top of the bowl right now."
Veep
"You like turds, don't you, Dan?"
Veep
"That's really not what I meant. You misunderstood, honestly."
Veep
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