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Clips from The Golden Girls - The Heart Attack (S01E01)

"And if you threw a party"
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"You would see the biggest gift would be from me"
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"I offered to help you, Sophia, but you said "no.""
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"Wait, your last name was Lindstrom. You named your cat Lindstrom Lindstrom?"
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"- You're not having a heart attack. - How do you know? You're not a doctor."
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"Don't you remember? He was carrying out the garbage"
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"Uncle Nunzio?"
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"- so we got healthy hearts in our family. - Very, very healthy."
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"There should just be a certain age"
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"OK, Ma."
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"We have men in Minnesota."
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"80 years old, and it would come as a complete surprise."
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"- Why Arlington Cemetery? - Because it's full of men."
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"He didn't die then. He had his heart attack then..."
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"Listen, it's gonna be awhile."
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"There's lots of trees down and accidents because of the storm,"
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"You're starting to annoy me. You shouldn't annoy a sick person."
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"You want to help? Be quiet."
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"Can you believe it? I'm over 50 years old, and I'll still feel like an orphan."
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"Here she is."
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"I can't tell you how happy I am."
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"- I pass. - Me, too."
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"Don't tell your sister, and keep the silver."
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"You know, I'll probably see your father in heaven."
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"I haven't seen him in 30 years."
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"I wish there was time to get my hair done."
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"Maybe it isn't a heart attack."
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"She's 80. At 80, something's got to go."
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"Well, not necessarily. My grandparents lived till their 90s. One was 102."
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"- In Minnesota. - So?"
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"Rose, you know how they freeze dead people to preserve them"
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"and then bring them back?"
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"That's like living in Minnesota."
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"The cold slows down the aging process."
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"I would move there in a shot if only they had men there."
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"Farmers, Rose. Farmers."
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"- I'm an idiot! - Why?"
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"- I didn't think this would happen. - What?"
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"Death. I didn't really think I'd die."
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"Ma, maybe someday, but not today."
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"It could be today, and you know what? I'm not ready."
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"Ma, you're OK. You are not going to die."
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"- I don't want to. - Who does?"
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"You know, I'd settle for even just one more day."
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"God knows why. Tomorrow I'm cleaning the closets."
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"- Ma, I love you. - You know what, Dorothy?"
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"- What? - Death sucks."
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"- Do you want to be buried or cremated? - Neither."
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"What do you want to be, flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?"
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"I wouldn't want to be cremated. I hate heat."
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"And burial? I hate small spaces."
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"I'm a little claustrophobic."
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"Rose, you're not gonna know anything. You're gonna be dead."
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"Oh. Well, then, burial, I guess."
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"But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?"
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"- Why? - Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable..."
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"...cozier."
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"And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals."
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"You know, the ones in the little silver frames."
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"And-And my pictures of the children."
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"And, of course, if I'm married again, I'd want a picture of my new husband."
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"- And the candlesticks Mama gave me... - Rose, it's a coffin, not a condo."
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"This is a very depressing conversation."
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"Well, I want a fancy funeral. I want a big parade with a riderless horse."
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"And I want to lie in state, and then be buried in Arlington Cemetery."
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"- But they're all dead. - So are the men I date."
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"And I'm sorry I never tried acting."
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"I always wanted to act."
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"- Coffee's ready. - Oh, thanks, Blanche."
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"Sophia, you feeling a little better?"
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"- Oh, my God, she's... - I'm not dead, I'm resting."
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"- Of course you're not dead. - Not yet."
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"- Oh, Ma. - Don't "Ma" me. Listen."
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"Before you know it, I could be gone,"
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"and we won't have said some important stuff."
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"I love you, Dorothy."
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"Just remember that I love you very, very much."
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"And I love you, Ma..."
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"...very, very much."
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"I couldn't love you more."
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"And you two, Heckle and Jeckle."
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"Thank you for letting me live here. It was some treat."
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"You made an old lady feel young again. You're OK."
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"- We love you, Sophia. - We sure do."
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"This is nice, to die with friends."
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"I'm gonna close my eyes now, but I'm only resting."
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"Oh God, where are the paramedics?"
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"I'll go call them again. Rose, you stay with Dorothy."
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"Oh, Dorothy, she'll be fine. I'm sure it isn't a heart attack."
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"A heart attack's bigger. I've seen a heart attack. Charlie had a heart attack."
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"- And it wasn't like this? - Oh, it was much worse."
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"If only the paramedics would get here."
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"Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack,"
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"before the paramedics got there."
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"What, he wasn't dressed?"
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"We were making love."
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"Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me."
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"He died while you were making love?"
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"...and he told me to dress him."
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"- And? - And I dressed him."
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"And then we had a fight."
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"I grabbed a pair of white pants and I was putting them on him,"
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"and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white."
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"In the middle of a heart attack?"
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"Oh, Charlie was very stubborn..."
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"...and very dapper."
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"And then what happened?"
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"And he told me he loved me and... then it was over."
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"And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him..."
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"...and a blue shirt, and striped tie."
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"And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there."
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"so the paramedics can't get through right away."
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"Oh, we have to do something. I mean, she needs help."
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"- We can drive her. - That's right."
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"The hospital's 20 minutes from here. If the paramedics can't get through,"
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"what makes you think we can? We could get out there and get stuck."
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"- I think we ought to just wait for help. - But she could be dying!"
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"But what can we do?"
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"Pray."
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"Wait and pray."
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