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Clips from Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021) - New Tricks (S01E01)

"Oh, dear God."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"The neighbors stole my jersey,"
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"so I rightfully stole one of theirs."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"Pretty sure we got the Big Man's blessing on this."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"After all -- eye for an eye, tit for tit."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"Look, does it always have to be "tit for tit"?"
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"This is a Revolutionary War, Allison."
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"Could you imagine if George Washington"
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"just "let things go"?"
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"Yeah, I can. We'd be Communists."
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"Oh, honey. Not even close."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"Well, look at me. I had a tiff with a friend,"
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"so I baked some cookies to make peace."
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"-What friend? -They're made up."
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"Just like leprechauns."
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"You taught me that."
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"Ouugh!"
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"It's a message."
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"You want to let it go now, Allison?!"
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"So, what is the message, exactly?"
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"That they're not playing around."
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"It's clearly a Deflategate dig, and it is not taken well."
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"Grrrgh!"
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"Wait up!"
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"What friend are these for?"
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"Uh, someone who doesn't pretend to hate things"
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"they like just to be one of the guys."
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"Jesus, are you an after-school special?"
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"Come on."
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"It's someone I can actually talk to."
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"-Hi. -Oh, what the hell?"
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"No, I know. I just came to apologize."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"Careful, Marcus."
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"Barbie might break your nose this time."
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"Okay. Come here. Come here. Come here."
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"Come here. What are you --"
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"Look, I was in a terrible place that day,"
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"and I made a huge mistake."
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"I've never actually slapped anyone before --"
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"Whoa, no, no, no. Hold on. You didn't slap me, tough guy."
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"I was fine. Okay."
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"Uh, of course."
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"Either way, I was very rude, and, um,"
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"so I wanted to make it up to you."
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"Are you serious?"
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"I dunno."
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"Everyone likes cookies."
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"It's a good gift."
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"asking me for coke now, are you?"
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"No, no, no, no, no. No."
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"Gave me some interesting ideas, but, uh,"
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"I feel like my body's still recovering."
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"No, uh..."
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"I want oxys."
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"Jesus Christ."
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"Just like 10 to 15 pills."
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"I've already tried to get a doctor to give them to me --"
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"Of course your first thought was to ask nicely."
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"I need these."
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"I'm in very real pain."
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"Marcus, use your rape whistle."
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"Look, I don't have that shit on me, okay?"
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"I -- I'm not that guy."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"But, uh, I can hook you up with one."
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"Really?"
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"Oh, my God, okay."
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"Thank you."
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"Be on the 14th Street overpass at midnight."
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"Tonight. Okay."
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"N-No."
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"No, okay."
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"Uh, thank you."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"that he'd think that this hoodie was worth something?"
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"Oh, it looks awful."
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"Uh, t-this was -- this was worn by Belichick."
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"Bill Belichick?"
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"My, uh -- my husband paid Lord knows how much for it,"
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"but God forbid I ask."
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"Lady. Um, Allison."
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"I don't want to know your name or your story."
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"I don't care. Right."
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"Now get the hell out of here."
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"Okay. Bye-bye, now."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"Yes. Goodbye."
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"Okay. Okay."
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"-Thank you. -Thanks for the raisin cookies."
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"Don't worry about washing the bowl."
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"-Gah!"
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"-What are you doing?! -Gotta protect my lady."
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"Can't be too cautious."
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"Not when the neighbors lit our garbage cans on fire."
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"They what?! Why would they do that?"
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"Well, after Knife-In-Football-Gate,"
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"I had one of those strokes of genius."
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"I shoved a cherry bomb inside a soccer --"
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"ball, and I put it on their front lawn."
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"What, that soccer blows?"
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"That they cannot mess with me!"
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"And that message was received."
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"You should have seen it."
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"The sparks! The colors!"
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"Little flaming hexagons flying everywhere."
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"It was -- It was -- It was spectacular!"
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"But I also burned their lawn."
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"You lit their lawn on fire?"
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"-I heard about that. -It's fine."
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"A little singe will just make the grass"
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"grow back twice as lush --"
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"if it's anything like my foot hair."
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"So, that's when they torched our garbage cans?"
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"Yeah. Can you believe it?"
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"It's practically arson."
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"Well, you lit their lawn on fire!"
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"They stole my sweatshirt!"
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"You burned down their pergola!"
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"Irregardless, this is all just ramping up so fast,"
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"we had to beef up security."
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"And that's our security?"
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"Well, the bat is step one."
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
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