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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - Beloved Aunt (S01E01)

"- Really? - Sure, come on."
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"- Let me get you a case. - I don't fool around."
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"How would one go about getting this gift-wrapped?"
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"- Get some wrapping paper and wrap it. - Okay, where would I get the paper?"
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"You know, there's a card store upstairs. You could maybe go there."
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"- You need a scissor, too, right? - A scissor."
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"- You need a scissor to cut the paper, right? - To cut the paper, yeah."
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"- And scotch tape, too, right? - Right."
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"- Do they sell all that in the same store? - No, I don't believe they do."
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"You could check."
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"If you're gonna go get that stuff, you might wanna get a bow."
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"And a card."
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"Yeah, so she knows who the gift is from."
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"You don't have to have a card, I'm just saying."
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"What a process this is, a bow and a card..."
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"Where do you get them?"
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"Is that in the same store as the scissor and the scotch tape?"
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"- No, the card... - How many stores are we talking about?"
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"What?"
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"What? We got a paper, that's what."
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"- It should be "aunt"! - Did Jeff look at this before he turned it in?"
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"They have proofreaders at papers!"
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"The woman leads a decent life and this is how she ends up? "Beloved cunt"?"
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"My wife is upset."
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"I'm just glad you weren't in charge of the headstone!"
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"I meant "beloved aunt," not "beloved cunt"!"
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"- Don't keep saying it! - Please."
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"It's a typo. Don't you see? It's a typo!"
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"Excuse me for a second."
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"I just got off the phone with Craig, and I wanted see if this rings any bells."
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""It wasn't her mother who died, it was just her aunt."
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""You don't look happy, you should break up!""
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"- What? - That's what he said."
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"Did you tell Craig to break up with Becky?"
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"He talked to me, but I told him to wait till he got back to Tallahassee!"
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"- I didn't say to do it last night at the wake. - Never mind!"
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"- What is the matter with you? - He's a bad guy, I was doing you a favor!"
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"I think you should just leave!"
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"You mean for tonight?"
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"At least, please."
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"I am sorry."
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"Let me ask you something."
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"- Do you have the paper? - No, I don't have anything."
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"Stationery store for the scissor and tape..."
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"but you gotta go someplace else for the paper."
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"- Depending on what kind of paper you want. - I don't give a shit."
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"Then you should probably go to a party store..."
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"where you can get gift-wrapping paper."
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"If I brought the scissor and the tape to this party store you're talking about..."
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"- They have the paper. ...would they wrap it for me?"
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"They might, honestly, I don't know, because my wife wraps everything."
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"But if you bring it with you, if you have it there..."
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"if you just tip them or something."
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"How would you go about getting something like this gift-wrapped?"
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"- Just go to a Hallmark or something. - A stationery store."
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"- They will. - They got scissors and tape?"
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"- Really? - Ribbon and bows and cards."
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"I don't know."
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"- You gotta fix this pump over here. - Okay."
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"I thought maybe tomorrow, if you're up to it, we'd go to the outlet center."
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"- Hello. - Hi."
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"- Hi. - Be nice."
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"- Hi. - Hi."
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"Happy birthday."
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"What kind of present is that? Not wrapped nicely."
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"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."
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"I looked in stores, I couldn't find any wrapping store."
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"There's no wrapping stores anywhere?"
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"Oh, my gosh!"
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"- Sunglasses! - Look at those."
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"My gosh, look at this!"
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"Elizabeth Taylor wears glasses. She has the exact same glasses!"
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"- You hear that? - I can't use 'em."
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"I have a prescription in my lenses."
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"- I'm sorry. - All right, no, I'll get..."
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"- I'll take care of it. - I want to do it. I'll get lenses put in."
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"Isn't that nice? How did the obit go?"
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"- You got a paper? - Yeah, it's over there."
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"Here, I'll show you how it went. Here's how it went."
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""Louise Hoenin, devoted sister, beloved cunt"?"
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"What? It says that in the paper? Let me see this."
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"- That's unbelievable! - I know!"
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"You said "aunt," I wrote down "aunt"! That's bullshit!"
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"- Don't they proofread these things? - I am so sorry."
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"Oh, God, Larry."
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"- I need a letter of apology from your friend... - Retraction."
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"What are they gonna say?"
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""We're sorry we called her a cunt, we meant 'aunt"'?"
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"Point well taken, I'll have them write a letter of apology."
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"- And you, too. - I'll write one, too, I promise."
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"Still, to print this... Cheryl must be so upset."
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"She kicked you out?"
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"- I can't, I have nothing to wear. - I've got lots of stuff for you to wear!"
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"- It's no big deal, I'm making a great dinner. - I'm so sorry."
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"Do me a favor. When I die, let someone else handle the obit, okay?"
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"- Dad, let's go finish the movie, come on. - What movie?"
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"Larry, let me see those glasses again."
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"- Those sunglasses. - Okay, sure."
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"I can't see through them, but I can get an idea."
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"They're beauties. Elizabeth Taylor. It's no joke."
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"Wait a minute. I think I can see my reflection in here."
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"- Wait, hold it, I'll help you out here. - Good."
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"Very."
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"Yeah?"
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"- You gotta go. - What?"
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"- You gotta go. - What are you talking about?"
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"You copped a feel off my mom, you gotta go."
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"I copped a feel off your mom? What are you saying to me?"
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"She was moping around. I'm saying, "What's the matter?""
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"She said, "Larry touched my bosom for several seconds.""
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"Schmuck! Listen to me for a second!"
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"What?"
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"We're in the kitchen. She wanted to try on the sunglasses again."
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"She was looking in the toaster and I was holding the toaster..."
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"she wanted to get a better look at her face in it..."
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"and she leaned against the back of my hand..."
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"and so, I didn't want to just turn..."
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"I didn't want to hurt her feelings by taking it away fast."
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"I'm sorry."
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"She's all freaked out."
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