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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - Beloved Aunt (S01E01)

"You could stay another day in the hotel."
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"- That's really nice. Stay there a night or two. - Yeah, one night."
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"That would be nice, because we hate flying."
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"- Neither of us like to fly. - Yeah, nobody likes to fly."
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"I don't even like to drive. And I don't like walking."
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"So, occasionally, I don't really know what mode of transportation to..."
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"- I didn't even think of that. - Like she didn't have a life out here."
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"It sort of makes it real."
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"My friend, my manager actually knows somebody at the paper."
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"- I could get something in there for you. - That would be so good."
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"- That'd be really sweet. - I'll write it myself."
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"I'll take care of the whole thing. No problem."
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"It's not gonna be funny, is it?"
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"- Mom, please. - That's what he does."
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"It's not gonna be funny. It'll be very tasteful and appropriate."
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"- It'll be fine. - He's a writer, he can do anything."
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"I love you, too."
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"- Sorry I'm late. - It's understandable."
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"It's very hard to extricate myself from mourners."
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"- Why are you still wearing the tie? - I don't know."
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"If I didn't have to, I wouldn't."
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"Once you've got the outfit on, you might as well wear it to its completion."
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"So you think you can take care of this, this obituary thing?"
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"4:00 is the deadline."
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"You get it to me by 4:00 and I'll fax it over to him."
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"- Thanks so much. - No problem."
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"- Very nice of you. - It's my pleasure."
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"That'll score some big points with the family."
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"- How did she die? - Killed herself."
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"- No, she didn't. - Killed herself..."
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"- Why? - Nobody knows, she didn't leave a note."
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"- That is so rude, isn't that? - That's really rude."
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"If you leave your house for 10 minutes to get a container of milk..."
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"you tell somebody where you went."
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"I let my wife know before I go anywhere."
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"Would it have killed her to leave a note?"
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"It's her birthday."
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"It'd be great, considering what's happened between you and them..."
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"It really is."
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"Any ideas?"
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"No."
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"- Yeah, I got a pad. - Okay."
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""Louise Hoenin, H-O-E-N-l-N..."
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""devoted sister..."
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""beloved aunt..."
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""died of undisclosed causes...""
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"It only took us about 20 minutes, door to door."
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"- Did very well. - Yeah, that's unusual."
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"I wasn't worried because I have unlimited mileage on my rental car."
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"- I wouldn't care how long it was. - That's good."
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"We were surprised the freeway was virtually empty."
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"- You can really get stuck in traffic for hours. - Yeah."
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"Sometimes it gets so bad you can hardly breathe."
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"That's for sure."
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"I'm glad I don't live here."
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"- Do you think Becky's coming down soon? - I think so."
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"now her ex-boyfriend."
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"- What kind of timing... It's unbelievable. - Lousy."
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"I was thinking about playing some golf."
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"Are you joking?"
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"I'm not contributing anything. I'm detracting."
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"- You are. - I'm a minus here, I'm not a plus."
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"If my aunt killed herself, I'd encourage you to leave the house."
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"I'd say, "Go, have some fun. You don't have to stay here and mourn.""
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"- I would keep you around to mourn? - You're not going golfing."
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"I know we're all going to miss Louise."
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"- Yeah. - Very much so."
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"But we have to continue."
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"Must go on."
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"Laughter is a great healer and you've gotta have a smile."
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"You get over a lot of things that way."
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"I once performed for Norman Cousins in his hospital room..."
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"when he was on his deathbed. He requested me to do five minutes."
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"And I bombed, actually, and he got much worse..."
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"and he had to watch some Marx Brothers movies to actually resuscitate him, but..."
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"You know who's funny? That Carrot Top. Have you seen that guy?"
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"He comes on The Tonight Show once in a while."
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"- Big mop of red hair. - My gosh!"
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"Okay. I'll go get the paper."
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"- No, don't you bother, I've got the car. - You don't even know where it is."
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"I have unlimited mileage, I can drive anywhere."
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"He knows what he's doing."
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"Gives him pleasure to use the rental car anyway."
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"- Get a little more room here. - That's okay."
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"- These are pretty good. - Yeah."
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"- You say six? - Five."
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"Three, four."
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""Look what they did to my Santino."
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"- Sugar. - No, Becky."
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"- No. - Oh, my gosh."
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"What did he say? What happened?"
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"He just kept repeating something about not being happy."
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"We could've worked through that."
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"- The nerve of this guy! - Jerk."
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"- What kind of timing is this? - I just buried my aunt!"
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"- I know. - And he breaks up with me?"
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"That's so awful."
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"- I mean, he really loved me. - Yeah."
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"Did he say anything to you?"
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"I know how much he likes you, I just thought maybe..."
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"No, we just, you know..."
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"he talked about Aunt Louise and the minibar."
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"The minibar?"
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"- This is ridiculous. - Where are you going?"
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"I've got to get a birthday present for Jeff's mother."
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"I'm sorry, I forgot, today's her birthday. I'll be right back, I'm sorry."
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"Oh, God, all right, I'm gonna be back in 20 minutes."
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"Everybody stay here, okay?"
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"Gladys, you're here, okay, Barbara? George, right here."
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"- I'm timing you. - Half an hour at... 40 minutes at the most."
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"45 minutes."
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"I'd like to buy a pair of sunglasses. It's a birthday present."
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"- Okay. - For my friend's mother."
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"- This one I like a lot. - These are great."
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"Elizabeth Taylor wears the exact same glasses."
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"Elizabeth Taylor? You're kidding!"
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"- Can I see that mirror? - They're very in vogue now."
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"- They are? - Yeah, absolutely."
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"- You see why? - Yeah. I like that."
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"- I think they're perfect. - Beautiful. All right."
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